Saturday, 24 November 2012

What Is This Thing, Called Love? What Is This Thing Called, Love?

Today's article will be asking the question; what is love? Oh blimey! I don't flipping know. The question just came into my head and I thought I would go with it. I don't know what it is. I'm just a bloke. How the heck, I mean hell would I know?

Oi! You just said heck. You recently claimed that you never use the word. Make your mind up John Boy.

It slipped out Mr Flipping Perfect. These things happen, and my mind is on a serious subject of which I know very little so perhaps I wasn't concentrating and allowed my American readers to subconsciously influence my choice of word. I have crossed it out. Happy now?

I was in the supermarket the other day, checking out some of the women who shop there prices of goods, when I heard a married couple talking to each other. They had obviously been married a long time, because they spoke in disrespectful tones, a bickering way. Not so much a conversation, more a series of tuts and groans. You probably know what I mean, even though I am not describing it too well. Let's just say they had the resigned air of a too long married pair.

As I wandered the aisles I saw the same couple many times. Except it wasn't the same couple. It was simply that I was observing the same type of behaviour patterns time and again in different people. People who by the very nature of their relationship had almost evolved into one person. I might be wrong, but I think it is what happens in a long relationship or marriage. Two becomes one. They know each other so well.
And yet they bicker constantly. It is almost as though they are arguing with themselves.

When I was married many years ago, we were together for seventeen years and during the whole of that time we argued. Nothing serious, just little things, but it was bickering all the time. In the end it was this that destroyed the marriage. I couldn't bear the thought of carrying on like it for the rest of my days. And yet I loved her, and I am sure she loved me. Just like the long married couples I was observing in the supermarket. Who I am sure loved each other.

Now here comes the question again; what is love? Well I have just told you that I loved my ex wife. So I must know what love is. I'm afraid not. I described the feeling as love because that is what I think the feeling is. But I don't know for sure. Maybe it is simply an hormonal surge of feeling, the excitement of first meeting someone. Maybe love is like an adrenalin rush. Maybe it is an adrenalin rush? That is why it cools. It does cool doesn't it? Then becomes a familiarity. And what does familiarity breed?

This is a dreadful essay. I don't know where it is going. The subject is too vast. Who am I, a failure in the subject, to attempt to expound knowledgeably? Me, who has been hurt so many times, and let me be honest, has hurt in return. Who am I to tackle this subject? I shall tell you. I am a cynic.

There was a time when I would fall in love at the drop of a hat. What does that say about love? Looking back now I believe I was looking for approbation. Someone to show me I meant something, was someone. I could go into this more deeply but I don't want to bore you.

Anyway if love does exist, I'm talking now about being 'in love' I shall not be letting it into my life again. I am too old now to deal with the inevitable heartbreak that has always followed in it's path.

I shall, as I have always done, love with all my heart, but I shall not again be what is known as 'being in love'. It sounds a bit sad doesn't it? But truth to tell I feel better for the decision, especially now I know I can keep to it.

To conclude this mish mash. I would just tell you, that I do know a few people who have been married for years, and their love, if that it what it is, has grown stronger and stronger as the years go by. But sadly I know of many couples who are stuck in a rut, and are too weak to get out of it.

Naturally, I love you. You mean the world to me. I am a lover, but that has a whole different meaning.

Hallo again. I have come back to edit. What a miserable old git I am being. Please ignore me. Get out there and get loving! Love is a splendid thing. We need more of it in the world. Yes I have changed my mind. This is my blog! I love you. Men and women. Obviously not the men in the same way. Not that there is anything wrong with that, he adds hastily. xxx


  1. ♥I'll be back, gotta go to the gym with my better half.

  2. I enjoyed your post, very thoughtful and honest. I've been married for 30 years but I believe the love died at last half of that many years ago. We are that couple in the grocery store you've seen. I don't like that couple much, that's why I prefer to shop alone. I prefer to do lots of things alone. The lack of money is what keeps me there, I don't have enough to make it on my own. I am only weak because of that. I go to bed sad and wake up the same way. I don't see how he could feel any different. Your plan doesn't sound half bad.

  3. What,is this thing called love? Anyway my parents were happily married for almost 40 years (until my father's death)and did not argue. It put me at a disadvantage because I married a man whose parents, who were happily married for more than 75 years, argued for recreational purposes. Believe me that took some getting used to. But they were happy together. Maybe not all the couples you saw were unhappy. Maybe they were enjoying each other in their own way.

  4. Being a divorce' twice, I am with you , John...not an expert and definately not one to bestow advice here. I do have imaginations on what it is. I loved both of my hsubands and thought I would be married forever, to each of them at the time. I know they loved me too. I still believe in the sanctity of marriage, I am just enjoying my freedoms right now.

  5. An enjoyable essay, John, most enjoyable --dare I say lovable?

  6. It must be love, I've come to your blog before I have checked my own :o) I have similar thoughts, wondered if I should give it one last try. Do I really want to start all over again, praps not.

  7. Love, ecstasy, doesn't it change to companionability over the years? Hubs and I bicker but it's part and parcel of our relationship. We don't fall out, it's just the way we are ... especially in supermarkets!

  8. "Oh what's love got to do with it

    What's love but a second hand emotion

    What's love got to do with it

    Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?"

    Tina Turner me thinks!

  9. I have come to learn that there are different levels of love. Once I remember that, I get along just right with all the folks that come around stating that they love me.
    I'm too old now to be putting my poor heart out there, so no more marriage for me.
    John you will be okay in the love department...just remember "different levels."

  10. It is a difficult question.What is love? I think it means different things to different people. At the risk of being sexist, I think it means different things to a man than to a woman. There is also a difference between love and romance. Love is when you can't bear to be apart from the one you love. Love is when you can overlook each others faults and realise how lucky you are to have someone like that. It isn't always easy. We have been married for 43 years but I hope we don't look like one of your couples. Humour goes a long way in preventing that happening. We have a lot of laughs.

  11. I don't think we can ever know what love really means.We all experience it in a different way.Love is only one little word word is not enough to describe all the varients is it?
    Jane x
    PS You saying 'heck'? You'll be saying 'gosh' next!

  12. Heck? HECK?!

    *shaking head* HELL made a lot more sense, given the topic.

    Just an odd sense of humour on my part.

    The lessons learned might be better looked at from another perspective (this is what was said to me, anyway....).
    You cannot guard your heart.
    You can lie to you and delude yourself into believing it hurts LESS...but hurt it does.
    I dare say that things are not always what they seem--one persons' "bickering" is another's play, perhaps. Small glimpses of moments in time do not an accurate picture make! JUST sayin'.....

    I enjoyed the cynicism here only because I'm a part of the cynical crowd when it comes to humour. But I'm far from actually being cynical because of my experiences and being asked to look at it from a different perspective. AND I get to share my life with someone who came from across the pond cuz he wanted to share his life with me........*laughing* More proof that the English are a bit touched! ;-)

  13. I tend to agree with your assessment of what love is. Personally I am not against marriage but it's the living together that totally screws things up. The perfects marriage would be having separate houses

  14. Love means always being willing to say "I'm sorry." The constant bickering is not a requirement, usually a habit.