Friday, 24 October 2014

Hands, Knees And Bumps-A-Daisy.

If you put your elbow on a table and raise your lower arm it is possible to rest your head on your hand. I think it is amazing the way hands are attached to wrists which in turn are attached to the end of arms. And also the way arms are able to bend at the elbow, which just happens to be smack bang in the middle of the arm. I mean can you imagine how awkward life would be if we couldn't rest our head in our hands like this? Or bend at the elbow? We would have to kind of slump forward with our head resting on the table. Not a good idea, especially if one happens to be eating a bowl of soup at the time ones head reaches optimum heaviness. It is possible, although quite messy, to eat soup whilst resting ones head on ones hand. I did it a lot when I was a moody, lethargic teenager.

I like the way legs bend at the knee. This is amazingly useful and saves us having to sit with our legs sticking out. If legs didn't bend we would have to make all chairs with built in footstools. What a lot of extra space that would take up. Houses would have to be twice as big. Doesn't bear thinking about! On the subject of sitting, isn't it wonderful to have our bottoms in just the right place to do so?

And feet? If we didn't have feet the ends of our legs would be all frayed. Not to mention the fact we would have nothing to put our shoes on.

Ears are usefully placed also. One on each side of the head. How would people who wear glasses be able to manage if there was nothing to hold them on? Not forgetting how important it is to have the nose situated where it is to stop the glasses slipping down our face.

Of course there are some parts of our bodies not so conveniently placed. But I'm not going to go there. Certainly not!

Thursday, 23 October 2014

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary.

Contrary? That's only the half of it! What a lot these royals were. Didn't seem to think twice about knocking off anyone they disagreed with or who disagreed with them. Don't study the history of Kings and Queens, it'll do your head in!

This is my second painting depicting nursery rhymes.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells.
And pretty maids all in a row.

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary. Oil on Canvas. 16x12

Some say it's about Mary Queen of Scots. Wasn't she also Mary 1 of England? Known as Bloody Mary? I'm confused. I have tried to look it up, but it is very complicated. Or maybe I'm just thick?

Some say it is allegorical, about Catholicism. For or against I don't know.

How does your garden grow could refer to her reign over her realm.

Siver bells? Catholic cathedrals?

Cockleshells? Insinuating her husband (which one?) was unfaithful.

Pretty maids all in a row could be her ladies-in-waiting.

There are lots of other explanations about this rhyme. I don't know the truth of it. I have just painted the picture that was in my head. That'll do for me. I am more interested in the painting than the history, as you may have guessed. I didn't know what Mary looked like when I was painting this, so I made her up. Turns out I wasn't too far off the mark if I do say so myself.

Please click on photo to enlarge.


Friday, 17 October 2014

Baa Baa Black Sheep.

This is the first painting in what I hope will be a series depicting nursery rhymes. Can you guess what this one is called?

Some say Baa Baa Black Sheep is about the slave trade. Some say it is about a 16th-century tax on wool.

Of course, when I was a child I simply thought it was about a black sheep, three bags full of wool, a master, a dame and a little boy who lived down the lane. If only life could stay so childishly simple and uncluttered by the awful realities.

'Baa Baa Black Sheep' by John Bain. Oil on canvas. 16 x 12 inches.
I think if you click on the picture it will enlarge.

Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Mia The German Shepherd's Hard Hitting Expose`.

Mia the German Shepherd is a quick learner and responds well to training. However, I do have good reason to believe that she may be using her intelligence in an unsatisfactory way.

Normally I wouldn't dream of invading her privacy when she is on the computer, but when I saw the guilty look in her eyes today I just had to sneak a look.

I am shocked, saddened and disappointed to say the least!

Mia is writing a book!

I cannot believe what she has written!

And all because I forgot to buy her favourite biscuits yesterday. Unbelievable!

Monday, 6 October 2014


I found an 'ook. A rubber coated 'ook. I was 'appy about it 'cos I needed an 'ook to 'ang something on. I put the 'ook in a safe place for later. An' then blow me down if a bit later on I didn't find another 'ook exactly the same! That's lucky I thought, and I went to put it in the safe place with the first 'ook.

Guess what? The first 'ook wasn't where I thought it was. So I put the second 'ook in another safe place. Where, believe it or not I found an 'ook. Oh, good I thought, I have found the first 'ook. But I could not for the life of me remember putting the first 'ook there. Then it suddenly occurred to me. Perhaps it wasn't the first 'ook. Perhaps I had found another 'ook altogether?

Anyway I took what I thought was the first 'ook, which might actually be a third 'ook, but which was now the second 'ook and put it with the second 'ook which was now the first 'ook because the first 'ook had gone missing, in the second 'ook's safe place.

And then, yes you have guessed it. I found the first 'ook. The original first 'ook. And as it happened, I was right about the third 'ook which I thought was the first 'ook being a third 'ook altogether.

So I now had three identical 'ooks. Well, almost identical 'ooks. I am able to tell them apart because the third 'ook which I thought was the first 'ook has got a bit of rust and the second 'ook is a bit discoloured and the first 'ook, the original 'ook which I renamed the second 'ook before I realised it was a third 'ook, is cleaner than the other two 'ooks.

All three 'ooks are now in a safe place!

Sunday, 5 October 2014

A Portrait Of Mia.

The saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words. As a writer, I am not sure about that, but I do believe this picture has captured without words the love I feel for Mia.

A portrait of Mia.