I am fed up. Certain things are getting me down. I am miserable, disconsolate, forlorn, unhappy, calamitous, hapless, ill-starred, pitiable, unhappy, worthless, abject and comfortless.
Fed up. Fed up with computers for a start. Who invented them? Why? Life went on all right without the damn things. Fed up with guitars and people who can play them well. The only way anyone can play well is because they are guitar geeks. Fed up with the cost of art materials. Fed up with art too, what is it all about eh? Fed up with bacon full of brine that splatters every surface in the kitchen with, well with splatter. Fed up with car insurers thinking I'm a mug who will pay an extra £100 for the same policy as last year. Look mate I know you are only being friendly so you can earn commission out of me. So bugger off out of it, why don't you?
That's just for starters. I'm also fed up with house flies, craneflies, wet dogs, cat footprints, drizzle instead of real rain. Drizzle is a lot wetter than it looks. Do not be lulled into leaving your waterproof jacket at home. I am fed up with religion, all religion, and I'm fed up that I have to keep just a little bit of thinking it might be true, just in case. Newspapers, who cares what you think, just report the news, your opinions are crap.
I am fed up with greedy developers building new bloody houses all over this little island, There is no more space, the green bits are required for survival, growing food, wildlife etc. Stop destroying it with your horrible little brick boxes. Stop immigration. That would help the overcrowding. That reminds me, I am fed up with lying politicians too.
I am fed up with hair sprouting out of my ears and nostrils, fed up with needing to wear glasses, and I am fed up with people who say one thing and mean another, look just say what you mean in the first place, it would save me such a lot of time if I could hate you immediately.
I am fed up with getting old, particularly looking like an old bloke, aches and pains, being untidy, lawn mowers, tractors, stationary engines, flat tyres, and washing up. I am fed up with not having sex. Really fed up about the not having sex, because I have almost forgotten what it was like. All I can recall is that it is a pleasant pastime, but I don't know why. What a waste, I am so good at it too.
Some other things I'm fed up with are, cupboards that won't close because the plates are too big, even though it is the same bloody cupboard that the plates were in yesterday and the door closed all right then, grass growing, the fox taking my chickens during daylight hours, and moles digging up the grass that won't stop growing. I'm fed up with Sadie the German Shepherd thinking I am going to take her for a walk every time I move.
I am fed up with boots that leak, socks with holes in, vegetarians, and not having enough money. Judgemental people, I am fed up with them too. Fed up with Summer being over. Fed up with the cost of fuel. Fed up with cars. I am fed up with road markings and sign posts, and potholes. There are more things I am fed up with, but I am fed up talking about them.
I expect I shall be all right in the morning, but at the moment, to be perfectly honest, I am fed up.