Friday, 28 September 2012

A Wee Bit Over Excited.

Fantastic, it's Friday night! I shall just have a bit of a scrub up. Make myself look even more attractive than usual. Add a dash of my new cologne, and go into town. Where I shall no doubt attract the attentions of several ladies. Which is a bit of a nuisance really, because I hate having to choose between them. I hate letting so many of them down. What to do? What to do?

Do you know what? I just cannot bear the thought of causing all that disappointment. It isn't fair on the women. I have made a decision. I shall stay home. Hey! I just remembered. There are several videos on youtube I want to watch. They are all about stationary engines. Brilliant. I shall be so happy.

I mean why would I want to go out drinking and having fun on a Friday night? Silly at my age. Goodness me, some of those women could have designs on my body. I could end up getting hurt. Physically and emotionally. Phew! Thank heavens I have such tremendous self control.

As a matter of fact I really need an early night. I wasn't able to get the Ramshackle Gallery finished today as I had hoped, so I need to get an early start tomorrow. I shall make the finishing touches to it after I get back from the gym.

Pardon? What was that? Oh the gym. Haven't I mentioned it. I have been working out. Getting my body even more toned than normal. I have been working on my abs mostly. My six pack is looking really good. In fact my upper torso is full of definition. I have been working on my thighs too, I have to be in good shape for the calendar.

Yes that's right. I have decided to have a calender made. It will feature me in various poses, and will be mainly for the ladies, but I feel certain some blokes might want a copy to hang up on their wall. It will probably inspire them to make the most of their assets too.

I will be selling the calendar in aid of charity, 'The John Bain Needs A Holiday Fund'. I will let you know how to pre order your copy shortly. It will be a limited edition of 25,000, so please make sure you order in good time.

Now then, let me see, 25,000 at £5.00 per copy, that works out at £125,000. Wow! Why haven't I thought of this before? How exciting. Of course for my blog followers I shall not charge extra for postage and packaging. I'm not greedy.

Oh my word! Is that the time? I must get on with watching those stationary engine videos before I go to bed. Oh no hang on a minute. I don't want to get over excited. I might not be able to sleep. I think I shall leave it for now. Read a book instead. A thriller. Yes that's what I shall do. Read a book. That should be quite enough excitement for one night. Maybe not a thriller. Perhaps I had better just get some sleep instead.

Have a great weekend you lot, and be good.





17 comments:

  1. Congratulations on making me laugh yet, again. I am sure your lady friends would love to twitter more than their eyes at you. Glad you are staying safe at home rather than subjecting yourself to all that pawing and fawning. :)

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  2. Oh John, I see you have these two American women flocking after you after every post. And we wouldn't have it any other way. Sign me up for two of those calendars, Christmas is coming you know and I might have a friend that needs a good laugh, uhhhmmm I mean a friend who appreciates a sculpted body.

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  3. Okey dokey, John....but if I can't be good ...I'll be careful.
    Jane x

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  4. Whats that, only a fiver including p & p ? I usually have to pay more than that for my 'artistic' calendar. Just a little tip though, dont have the photos taken on a cold day. I wouldnt like to be short changed.

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  5. :) Nighty, Night John...Zzzzz... 4am comes real early here and I have to work all weekend.

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  6. So did you go to town after all that rubbish?

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  7. You make me laugh. Thank you. B

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  8. Oooo I'm looking for a good calendar. Are they going to be respectable ones, if you know what I mean.

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  9. I've seen the YouTube video on the stationary engine and believe me it's not alas good as its made out to be. Sleep was the better option for sure.

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  10. John, you are freaking hilarious!!!!
    Have a great weekend.
    The opening of the Ramshackle Gallery is on the agenda, so have fun with that.

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  11. I'm exhausted just reading this. There is NO way I can go out tonight on the town.

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  12. Oh boy a calendar. I'm already thinking of where I shall hide it from my husband :)

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  13. I feel worn out just reading that. I can't keep up with you. Have a good weekend.

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  14. Great post, John, cause I really needed a good laugh tonight. What! Yiu mean you were being serious?

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  15. I feel warn out just reading that! Too much sugar maybe?

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  16. No John you do not want to get yourself too over stimulated and excited at your age. I'm fascinated by your calendar venture. Remember some of your followers know you better than others. Having spent some time with you I was a little perplexed by your claims but also so happy that you are going to sell your body for a good cause!

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  17. I think tonight your engine was just stationary!

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