You know how I'm always harping on about never having enough money? What? You didn't know that? Sorry I thought you did. Anyway I am, and I do. I have been trying to clear my overdraft for months. Last week I really thought I was getting somewhere. Another week of living on air John, I thought to myself, and you will be overdraft free. I even allowed myself a moment or two of smug satisfaction. Oh dear! I shouldn't have done that.
Look what I just bought with the money I don't have. Isn't it beautiful? Isn't it gorgeous? Isn't it just about the most wonderful piece of machinery you ever did see? Yes I thought you would agree. Who wouldn't. I expect if you had seen it first you would have snapped it up too. And who could blame you? Certainly not me.
It is a Lister engine, built in the 1940's or 50's. There aren't too many left in the world. Becoming rare. So you see, not only am I the owner of this beautiful machine, but I am preserving an important historical item. So actually the sacrifice of my overdraft status is really a small price to pay. I regret nothing.
Of course it will increase in value, everything I buy does. Unfortunately I never seem able to realise that value when I sell something, and always lose out. I once sold a vintage Mark 2 Jaguar car for a few hundred quid, only to see a similar one sell for thousands just a few years later.
But look at the trolley it is mounted on. Look at those old cast iron wheels. Blimey they have to be worth what I paid for it alone. That's a genuine hardwood chassis. How much do you pay for hardwood these days?
But I didn't buy this engine to make a profit. I bought it because I wanted to. That's a good enough reason to do anything. Oh and I almost forgot. It comes with a genuine Lister water pump. This I'm told is worth even more than the engine itself. What a bonus.
Having been assured that it was in working order, "These things go on forever," "There's not much can go wrong with `em," "Worked perfectly the last time it was started," etc, etc. I eagerly, and full of excited anticipation, gave the starting handle a couple of turns. Then a gave it a couple of turns more. Eventually, after a couple of hours cranking, I came to the conclusion that the engine wasn't going to start, but if I didn't stop cranking the flipping thing, my heart might stop. So it is in the shed while I give my next move some thought.
It shouldn't cost a lot to put it right, but money's not a problem, because I have this marvellous overdraft facility, which comes in really useful every time I decide to make myself look like a gullible fool!