That pup Mac has still got a few more days living with us. We had a perfect life John and I, until he arrived. John fitted into the scheme of things perfectly, and had even begun to read me so well that I could make him obey my every wish. But now Mac, what a stupid name for a dog, has thrown everything into disarray.
John has become a nervous wreck. Constantly thinking about what Mac is up to. He can't sit and relax for more than a few seconds, before it's, "What's Mac doing?" Or "Why is that pup so quiet? I'll just check on him."
It is making me jumpy too. I will be just dozing off when suddenly I hear, "NO MAC, DOWN!" Or "MAC, LEAVE IT!" Or, "IF YOU KILL THAT CAT MAC, YOU ARE ONE DEAD DOG. LEAVE IT!" The really bad one is, "DROP THAT BLOODY HEN, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" It frightens the life out of me.
The thing is you see, John now see's himself as a dog trainer. Not just any old dog trainer either, oh no, John thinks he is the best dog trainer in the world.
"Where people go wrong with dog training," I heard him explain to Tricia earlier, "Is that they think of a dog in human terms. Whereas a proper dog trainer such as myself, who has studied the subject intensively, knows that a dog needs to be controlled in a dominant way. When I am training Mac," he went on, as he scooped a large, soft and gently steaming dog turd into a plastic bag, "I make sure he knows that I am the boss. Oh for fuck's sake, this bags got a hole in it! Have you got any tissues Tricia? Tricia?" But Tricia was already gone. She has got a really loud laugh. "MAC! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN EATING? GOD THAT STINKS! SIT MAC! STAY!"
Last night, John went off to an Open Mic event, "Sadie," he said to me, "I am going to leave Mac with you. Look after him. Do not fight. My fans are waiting I cannot let them down. It is only for a couple of hours. You two will be fine."
Unfortunately John failed to take into account that Mac could get through the cat flap. I was powerless to stop him escaping. Actually to be honest I didn't try. I was hoping Mac would run off and never be seen again. Sadly though extremely handsome son George heard Mac creating havoc in the paddock and came and arrested him. John had to leave Open Mic in a hurry, and come home. This was a good thing in a way because apparently, according to John, some women were going crazy at his singing, and were threatening to rip his clothes off and have their wicked way with him. So from being the villain of the piece, Mac was now some sort of hero. It makes me sick. Mac got two biscuits. All I got was, "You let me down tonight Sadie."
Listen ladies I don't want to sound disloyal, but I have seen John naked, and believe me you are in for a great disappointment if you are looking for something special.
Oh yes, there is training going on, but it isn't a dog that's being trained, it's John. Oh well, only a few more days and peace shall be restored to the old homestead. Unless he is thinking of keeping.... No he wouldn't do that. Not to me. He loves me. He wouldn't?
Lots of love from Sadie, the German Shepherd. xxx