Friday, 28 December 2012

The Electric Kettle.

I went down to the house yesterday to check on my extremely handsome son George and the doggies and the cats. Everything was in order, except that the electric kettle was outside on the back door step.

"Why is the kettle outside George?"

"It was making a funny noise and smoking Dad."

It looked perfectly all right to me so I took it indoors filled it with water and switched it on. EHS George and I watched to see what would happen. After a couple of minutes it began to boil and bubble.

"That's the noise it made Dad."

"It always makes that noise when it boils son. All kettles do that."

"It's smoking now Dad. Why is it smoking?"

"That isn't smoke son. That is steam. Steam comes out of kettles when they boil."

EHS George is off to university next September! To be fair to him though he never drinks tea or coffee so hasn't had much chance to become acquainted with the intricate and mysterious world of the electric kettle. He is only eighteen years old after all!

In case you are wondering why he switched it on in the first place. He clicked it on accidentally while he was making some toast. He knows about toasters!

Happy New Year!




Thursday, 27 December 2012

Something Not Right With My PC.

That's it then. All over again for another year. It was much my usual kind of Christmas, except that Granny needed a lot of care due to her accident. Normally she gets stuck into helping but sadly she was confined to her chair this year. Her sense of frustration at this was palpable. I do feel sorry for her. To be completely able and fit one day and then suddenly not. She came to Tricia's house in the morning, and Tricia took her home in the evening and stayed with her.
Yesterday (Boxing Day) after the nurse saw her, she was taken back into hospital. I don't know the details yet as to why, but is is to do with the accident.

I am typing this on my little notepad computer, because the main PC just will not connect to the internet. Something strange is going on and I cannot figure it out. A few days ago I began to notice programmes appearing that I had not downloaded. Maybe I have been hacked? I noticed just now when I switched this on that google chrome has disappeared to be replaced by something that I never put on here.

If you don't hear from me for a while it is because I will be trying to sort things out.

I wanted to put some photo's here but I don't know how to do that on this machine.

At noon I am going for a walk with Sam and the dogs. I shall take Tricia's puppy Dixie as well. Should be quite a handful. Maybe I can persuade my extremely handsome son George to come with us? He is having a lie in today. He deserves it. He has been so helpful at getting things ready for Christmas.

I hope you have had an enjoyable time over Christmas and that you have a wonderful New Year. Personally I am looking forward to keeping this blog going and talking a lot of nonsense for your reading pleasure. I am thinking of writing a book called 'Fifty Three Shades Of Grey'. That woman author did quite a good job but I noticed she missed out one or two things and I feel duty bound to share my extensive sexual expertise with the world!

If this little notepad keeps working I shall be back soon, if not, I shall see you when I see you. Bye for now.




Saturday, 22 December 2012

Nearly Christmas



Granny has been home from hospital for a couple of days now. She was to have come and stayed with extremely handsome son George and Tricia at least until after the Christmas period, but it is not possible. She has to stay in her own place while she learns to deal with all the things that have been installed to help her cope with life. Handrails for instance, and how to get in and out of bed safely. She is walking with a zimmer frame too now. I suppose even that takes some getting used to.
Tricia has been staying with her for a few days to help her. Yesterday while Tricia went to the shops, Granny fell again! She is OK but it shows that she really cannot be left on her own. Ironically she fell when she was 'rushing' to the door to let some people from the social services in. Quite how she managed to 'rush' while using a zimmer frame I don't know? Granny is going to come here for Christmas day, and she will go home in the evening with Tricia. Tricia will stay with her until she is happy she can manage safely on her own. Social service staff will be regular twice daily visitors to Grannie's house too, until she can manage again. I think it is social services they are called. I could be wrong, but anyway thank goodness for the welfare state at this time.

Tomorrow EHS George and me are going to stay with Granny for the day. This is so Tricia can come home and do some Christmas preparations, and also spend some time with the three dogs, Kylie, Charlie and the youngster Dixie, and the two cats, Tinker and Mr Blanchard. Mr Blanchard used to be called Blanche, until he was going off to the vets to get spayed and they discovered a set of balls instead! It was me who started calling him Mr Blanchard and the name seems to have stuck. Unlike his balls, which have been removed!

The cats are easy to care for. All they want is food, but the dogs? Well I am doing my best to keep them entertained. The two older ones tend to sleep a lot when Tricia isn't around. They obviously miss her, but little Dixie is full of energy and needs her walks. This whole area is suffering from floods at the moment. It isn't much fun walking in the rain and mud. I dare not let Dixie off the lead, for fear that she will get lost.

It doesn't feel much like Christmas at the moment. Tricia loves all the preparations to do with it, but she just doesn't have time what with looking after her Mum. EHS George has made a good job of decorating the tree. He and his Mum normally do this job together. There are still some decorations to add to the rooms to add to the festive air, EHS George and I are going to do some of that later today. Sometimes it seems a strange life I lead. The way I look at it is that EHS son George is my main focus, and if I can help keep things on an even keel for him I am happy. Besides that, for some reason Granny seems very fond of me, and I am happy to help.

I am not sure if I will get another chance to write for you before Christmas. I shall try though, especially if something interesting occurs or some wonderful thought enters my head. Thank you so much for following and reading and taking the time to comment on my writing. If you are a blogger yourself you will understand how much that means to me, and if you are not a blogger, let me tell you just how much I really do appreciate you reading my words.

Have a wonderful, happy and joyful Christmas




Thursday, 20 December 2012

Best To Leave The Christmas Shopping.


It's like living in Noah's ark! The roof is leaking again. I feel like going into hibernation, but as the world is going to end tomorrow there isn't much point. If it does end, I want you to know I was very fond of my friends. Most of 'em! Mind you, if I wasn't they wouldn't be friends would they?


You'd have thought wouldn't you that the Almighty would have provided some warm sunny days to end it all on? Maybe He wants to get us all in the right miserable mood to depart this mortal coil? It's working for me.


Listen to me. talking about God. Tomorrow if it does all end, we might find out if He is real or not.


I never did learn to play the guitar properly. That is my one big regret. Well that and the fact that I never asked the beautiful girl who smiled at me on the tube train in 1971 for her name and phone number. St Pancras station, London it was that she got on. Funnily enough I was born in St Pancras. Pancras. It is an odd word. Pan and crass. Sums up my life nicely. Down the pan and totally stupid!





I have copied this from my Facebook page. This could explain it's strange appearance.


Sunday, 16 December 2012

Research On How To Repair A Burst Pipe!

Last night I was so bored out of my skin that I went to bed early and watched Match Of The Day on my laptop. After that I was still wide awake so I decided to do a bit of research on the laptop too.

What I was looking for was some information and instruction on how to repair a burst water pipe. I think I may have mentioned that I suffered a burst pipe the other day. So I googled the word 'plumber' and this film came up.

It was an odd type of film. I think it was a love story. It was difficult to tell what the actual story was about because it went straight to the couple, both completely naked, and making love rather vigorously up against, and sometimes on top of, the kitchen units. I was a bit shocked at one point to see her sitting on a chopping board! This must surely go against all health and safety regulations!

In fact the whole film was set in the kitchen and the lovers were both engrossed with each other for the whole half an hour the film lasted. As I say I am not sure what the films message was all about. It was certainly instructional, in that he was telling her how to do things, but not educational about plumbing as far as I could see. Although I have to say I did get rather more interested when I spotted the lady holding on tightly to a beautiful pair of retro style taps on the sink unit! I hoped that the man, who I presumed was a plumber, might demonstrate how they were fitted, but he seemed more interested in his plunger!

It didn't have the class of Romeo and Juliet, but I suppose it is different strokes for different folks. There was an awful lot of stroking going on come to think of it. They were obviously very much in love. I felt a bit sorry for the man. He had the most enormous appendage. It looked exactly like a penis but was very much bigger! The film was called 'Brenda And The Plumbers Tool'. Needless to say I turned it off immediately it finished! Almost.

However the whole thing left me very hot and bothered, so I got out of bed, went outside, and ran around naked in the rain to cool myself down. I think what happened was that the film had awoken dim and distant memories in me. So dim and distant that I still don't know what they were. I feel all right today though.

I never did find out how to mend a burst water pipe. I may have missed that bit, so I suppose I shall have to go back and watch it again!

Match Of The Day was a waste of time. My team could only manage a draw!





Friday, 14 December 2012

The Christmas Erection. A Thing Of Beauty!




Tricia and extremely handsome son George always go out and choose the tree for Christmas. It is only a tiny cottage but they have to choose the biggest tree that will fit the space. It is my job to get the Christmas tree in place. I don't know how it became my job. It is just one of those traditional things that happens every year. I don't help to decorate it. I did use to, but apparently I get in the way too much and make daft suggestions, so I am banned from helping. Suits me!







I shall take some photos when it is decorated. They always make a good job of it. Not as good as if I did it of course.

Granny is still in the hospital, but she is much more aware of where she is. They have already begun to get her walking again. I think this is quite remarkable considering her age. I think about another six days in hospital and then she will come and stay with Tricia for a while. It would not be a good idea for her to go straight home and be on her own. She would normally spend time here at Christmas anyway. It is going to be quite a job getting her not to do too much.





Thursday, 13 December 2012

Reluctantly Talking About Myself.

I am just back home from Open Mic with Sedge and Jon. I was brilliant tonight. I have got such a beautiful singing voice, and my guitar playing? Wow!

My goodness I have been blessed with an almighty talent! They are of course very lucky to have me at these events. Not only do I guarantee a very large female audience, but I have noticed men watching me absolutely awestruck at the way I wield my axe. That's what us rockers call our electric guitars by the way. Axes.

When I say a large female audience I am not of course referring to the size of the women. That would just be plain bad manners. Although one or two are what is euphemistically termed 'cuddly'. Cuddly is a phrase I learnt from the days when I joined a dating agency. It rarely actually means cuddly. Unless the person doing the cuddling has extremely long arms!

Incidentally it wasn't my idea to join a dating agency. I was asked if I would join. They wanted to use a photo of me in their advertising. Apparently the number of women wanting to sign up when they saw my photo went through the roof. Naturally I donated my modelling fee to charity.

What surprises me a lot, mystifies me actually is that I haven't been noticed by any show business impresarios. I don't understand it. I know how good I am. As I might have mentioned I am extremely talented. It might well be that if they sign me up it would put a lot of their other artistes out of work. Yes I think that must be it. I knew there had to be a simple explanation.

My talent is obviously a gift. I think that means it comes from God. He gave me a bad start in life, but as recompense he gave me a beautiful singing voice, charismatic personality, extreme good looks, fantastic musical ability, made me irresistible to women, and to cap it all blessed me with extreme modesty. It isn't until I look at 'ordinary' men that I realise just how lucky I am.

Anyway I must go now. I need my beauty sleep. Just a turn of phrase, I don't really. Gosh, do you know what? I find it so difficult to talk about myself!




Wednesday, 12 December 2012

Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, NUMBERS!

Apparently G4 is a lot better than G3. Which I suppose is a good thing. Although I haven't got a bloody clue what it means! It could possibly have something to do with Iphones, or Ipads. Whatever they are?

I am getting a bit worried about all these letters and numbers. What happened to G2? Or even G1? How did I miss them. Come to think of it nobody told me about G either. What the hell was wrong with G? What about the rest of the alphabet? Things always used to start at A then you could upgrade to A1, but only when A had worn out. Which could take years. Of course you could have the 'Deluxe' version of anything, but only if you lived in a posh house in the suburbs.

What is an I phone anyway? Why I? Things should start at A. That is what A is for. Who decided to start messing around with things? I bet it was bloody foreigner. (I just had to look up how to spell foreigner. It didn't look right. I had the e and the i the wrong way round as usual. I can't see myself ever getting the e and i business right). Not that I have anything against foreigners (hey, got it right) well not much. You might well be a foriegner (wrong that time) but of course I am not including you in any blame. I like you. You read my blog. Anyway we are not allowed to say bloody foreigner any more. Some people are upset by it. Some people. Only some. So we have to change the way we speak. We even have to change the way we think! Because if you think something, there is a chance you might blurt it out loud, and that would never do. Free country? Freedom of speech? Don't make me laugh. No don't! Someone might hear me laughing. They might ask me what I'm laughing at. I shall have to tell them. I am so honest like that. I could get arrested! Who would write this rubbish if I'm in prison? Some bloody foreigner I suppose. You wouldn't understand a word. Not much difference there then!

I was watching that film, the Italian Job. There was a grumpy old English bloke wandering around Rome. Something or someone upset him, and he exclaimed, "Bloody foreigners!" It made me laugh. Typical English attitude. Always used to think we were better than anyone else. I suppose we lost that attitude when we returned the colonies and disposed of the British Empire. By the way, I am only half English, and there is some doubt about that!

What was I talking about? Oh yes letters as prefixes. I have just noticed that my camera is a Kodak AF. At least it has an A, but they had to spoil it with an F. What happened to B? Or 1? Maybe F means that my camera is the sixth version? I think they really ought to get things right first time. That way it wouldn't be necessary to keep changing the letters. The G string that's interesting. The garment I mean, not the guitar string.Why G string? I don't have any objection to those. I shall shut up about it now.

My water pipes froze today. I had a burst pipe in the paddock. Didn't notice it for hours. I should be able to go ice skating tomorrow. No I shan't, I don't have ice skates. But it will be like an ice rink. Is shan't a proper word? If it is a proper word should it have an apostrophe? Apostrophe, what a funny word that is. I cannot figure out it's root. Not that I've tried. It never crossed my mind before. I shall live with it. It isn't something that worries me at all. Apostrophe. It actually sounds as though it should have an apostrophe at the end. Apostrophe'. See what I mean. Maybe it has. Sorry about the rambling. I think the cold may have frozen my brain cell. I did wear a hat though. So it might not be that. Maybe I am just stupid!.

The fire is going good today. I am warm. I don't know why it was so sluggish yesterday. Do you think it is possible to freeze a flame? Maybe that is what was wrong with it yesterday? The fire was frozen! In the end yesterday to get a bit of heat, I sat in front of the fridge with the door open!

I have just realised. If the water was frozen today, how come the paddock is flooded? Nature! It really is a wonderful thing.




Today's date is 12-12-12. Here are some pictures I took at 12 minutes past 12 to mark the momentous occasion. I should have taken twelve pictures but it was only twelve minutes past twelve for a very short time. About sixty seconds in fact. Actually it was exactly sixty seconds. There just wasn't time.

Thank you for listening. I hope you are well.




Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Cold Enough To Freeze The Brass Off A Bald Monkey!

Thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers for Granny. She has had the operation and her hip has been pinned into place, It now matches the other hip she broke about fifteen years ago!
Tricia and extremely handsome son George have been with her today. She is not in pain but doesn't seem to realise that she is in hospital and is imagining all sorts of things. Last night apparently she kept the whole ward awake shouting for someone to turn her washing machine off! Tricia thinks she is hallucinating because she is dehydrated. In one of her lucid moments she confessed that she has not been drinking because she doesn't want to keep asking the nurses for a bedpan, because she doesn't want to be a bother. Tricia voiced this concern and they are going to monitor her fluid intake carefully. Although she is confused she still recognised Tricia and spoke to EHS George about College. So that is a good sign.




It is freezing in the wagon tonight. I have been cutting firewood and logs today from the free supply I told you about, so there is now a good stock. Tricia is pleased. The house is warm for her and EHS George and that makes me feel happy that I am doing my bit for them. It also gives me the opportunity to play with my new chainsaw. Part of the Ramshackle Art Gallery has to double as a log store. It all adds to the character of the place!

I have been watching football on TV with EHS George. Their new Sky sports channel is proving to be quite a distraction for me. There seems to be football on every night. I expect the novelty will wear off soon. Mind you it is quite cosy watching footie snuggled under the duvet with EHS George and a hot water bottle. But coming back to this cold wagon is a bit difficult, because despite all the firewood I have been cutting my fire refuses to burn properly tonight! I am tough though. Not a problem. Or at least it won't be when I'm in bed with a hot water bottle and a good book. I have just started another John Grisham novel 'The Littigators'. It is proving to be a very good read.

I made this dresser out of reclaimed timber over twenty years ago.


Yesterday I made a swinging bird table, and placed it in view of the windows. I like looking at the birds feeding. It is already proving very popular. Today though a gang of stormtroopers came along and caused havoc. Well they acted like stormtroopers, their real name is the European Starling! No other bird stands a chance when they arrive. Luckily they only visit for a short while twice a day.


I am also working on another thumbstick. This one has been sanded and primed ready for painting. It is going to be a Christmas present.



Last night I went on a date with a beautiful woman. We had a meal in a little restaurant. It was really nice. It is ages since I went out for a meal with a woman on a real date. We are going to do it again soon. I couldn't have much to drink because I was driving. My date didn't want to drink much either. She was a bit concerned that she might find me completely irresistible if she drank too much. So I ordered her a large carafe of red wine! Afterwards I drove her home and we had coffee. Because I am a gentleman I shall keep the rest of that night's events to myself. Strong stuff that red wine!

It is so cold now that my hands are numb, so I shall stop before I freeze in front of this keyboard, and my frozen corpse will be found in the morning. He blogged right to the end they shall say. Of course that won't happen I am not stupid enough t   o   a l  l o    wwwwwwww    mmmmmmm y ssel  f t  oo fre  eze to de a t h... G g g g o o  d n  ig



Sunday, 9 December 2012

Granny.

At 7.30 this morning Sunday, Granny slipped and fell at home. Granny is Tricia's Mother and my extremely handsome son George's Grandmother. She is ninety two years old. She is all there mentally and as bright as a button, but she is tiny, and lately she has become more and more fragile.

She lay on the floor in her flat and unable to move, she began shouting to her neighbour for help. After an hour of calling out with no response Granny managed to drag herself to the table in the hallway where her telephone and address book are. Somehow she got the phone from the table and managed to phone her neighbour who rushed to her aid. The neighbour quickly called an ambulance and the paramedics were soon on hand to help. Granny had broken her hip and they took her to hospital. Accident and emergency department.

At the time she fell Granny as always was wearing her emergency call button around her neck. This button is given to the elderly who live alone. It is a fantastic idea, and I am sure it has saved many lives. Granny did think about pressing the button but she didn't do so because she did not want to disturb anyone because it was so early. What are you going to do? It is just the way she is. A lot of her generation hate the idea of causing a fuss. I suppose she comes from a generation of people who have endured hardships and just learned to get on with things.

At the hospital they x-rayed her and then she had to wait for a Doctor to see her. She waited. It is at least a two hour journey to the hospital, when Tricia got there she was surprised to find that The Doctor had still not seen Granny. They waited, Granny in pain and the nurses put her on a drip. They waited. And waited. Still no Doctor. Tricia went several times to find out why there was such a delay. No answer was forthcoming, except that it was Sunday and they were short staffed. Granny didn't really want Tricia to make a fuss of course, because she felt she had caused enough problems for everyone by falling over in the first place. They waited some more. Nothing to eat or drink, until she had been seen by the Doctor. They waited.

Finally after they had waited for ELEVEN hours a Doctor finally arrived and assessed Grannie's condition. Ninety two years old! Eleven hours waiting in pain. If I didn't know for a fact that it is true I would find this unbelievable! It is enough to make a person weep with despair. I very nearly am when I think of what that lovely old lady has had to endure today.

Can I make it clear that I am not casting blame on the nursing staff or the Doctor, who were according to Tricia marvellous. But there is something so wrong when due to lack of money the hospital cannot afford to employ enough staff. However they can afford to pay millions to 'managers', - a misnomer if ever I heard one - to help save the NHS money.

The latest news is that Granny will have an operation in the morning.  Being somewhat cynical, I will believe this when it happens, and not before. She will be lying in the hospital bed tonight worrying. Not so much about the operation, but about the fact that she might be being a nuisance.

I hope you will forgive me for unburdening this on you. It is a worrying time.





Saturday, 8 December 2012

Eggs Is Eggs. Except When They Isn't.

I was a bit cheeky today. Yes I realise that is very unlike me. I did something today that I have never done before. I took something back to the shop and made a complaint. I just don't know what came over me. I had a bit of a struggle with myself about whether to do it or not, but in the end the 'sod it' bit of my character won the battle, and off I went into the unknown.

The article in question was a box of free range eggs. As usual my hens were not laying. I think the woman in the shop couldn't believe my cheek.

"I would like to get a refund or another box of eggs please," I said.

"I am sorry Sir," she replied. "But I don't think we can do that in these circumstances."

"And what," I asked her politely, "circumstances are they?"

"Well Sir, she said, "when you bought the eggs, there were six in the box, and now there is only one left."

"One and a half actually." I pointed out. "The egg that remains intact is stuck to the box by the sticky yolk from the egg that is broken."

"Can I ask what happened to the other four eggs Sir?

"And a half," I reminded her. "I ate four of them and my dog ate half of the one that is broken. I let my dog lick the box in order to get it a bit cleaner and easier to handle."

"So what you are saying Sir, is that you have eaten all of the eggs, except the one that is stuck in the box, and you want another box of six eggs for free?"

"That is it in a nutshell," I said.

"Why didn't you bring all the eggs back Sir?"

"Because I was hungry and made an omelette."

"I am sorry Sir, but on this occasion, I'm afraid I can't let you have a refund or a free box of eggs."

"I would like to speak to the Manager please," I said.

She went off to get the Manager, who was actually a Manageress, and very attractive she was too. The Manageress looked in the egg box and then she looked at me, and then she said, "Yes of course you must have a fresh box of eggs Sir, and no payment will be required."

You see. It pays to go to the top when making a complaint. As I say this was my first try at complaining in a food shop. I might try it again. I could end up with free eggs for life!

Now then, that bottle of whisky I have almost finished. I notice there is a slight blemish on the label. Worth a try I think!
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Something that was said to me the other night at the Open Mic event when Kate In Greece was visiting. It was her partner Dave who mentioned it, has got me thinking. Kate In Greece lives in Greece. She is a friend. She is a follower of this blog under the name Kate in Greece. This is so as not to be confused with another Kate. Not that the other Kate lives anywhere near Greece. But well you know what women are like? It was nice to meet you Dave by the way. But why did you have to mention my glasses?

These new glasses of mine? They are very nice. So they should be at the price they were. But what is occupying my mind is: When you buy glasses you have to pay for the prescription lenses and then you have to pay for the frames. The frames for these glasses cost about £40.00. But just have a look at this picture. Can you notice anything? It isn't immediately obvious I know, but I feel I have been robbed. These new glasses of mine don't have a frame! Why did I have to pay £40.00 for something that isn't there? Hey nice work if you can get it. Selling non existent spectacle frames! I might have to go and make a complaint about this!

Maybe it was me who mentioned the glasses first Dave? Sorry about that.
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Here is a little clip of me and Sadie the German Shepherd having a talk. I love it at the end when she appears to look for her friend Ned. Sorry about the noise. We are in the van and I forgot to switch the engine off!
I had to take the new bed out of the van because I had to carry firewood in it. The van, not the bed!

video





Thursday, 6 December 2012

Freezing Cold Warmth.

It was so flipping cold this morning I just wanted to stay in bed. But if you have animals to take care of it isn't possible. Sadie the German Shepherd and Bonnie the ginger cat need to go outside and do their business. I don't allow them to use the indoors toilet. They always forget to flush.

From my bed to the toilet is exactly eleven paces. Or five and a half if I'm really desperate! If I need to go in the night, I can spend hours when it is this cold, just getting up the courage to make the journey. When I was a boy in the children's home, and I have just this second recalled this, every bed in the dormitory had an enamel pot under it. This is strange, because there was a toilet just along the hallway. Maybe we were not allowed to leave the dorm. I shan't be getting an enamel pot for under my bed. As I say it is only eleven paces away. I would still have to get out of bed to use it anyway. Hey maybe I could get one of those things they use in hospital? Sorry about this folks. I am rambling again.

Actually the toilet wouldn't flush. I had no water at all. Everything was frozen. Everything! I really ought to wear pajamas when it's this cold! At times like this I have to get water from the house in buckets. It's the same every year, but I get by. I have to spend some time breaking the ice in various water bowls for the hens and the wild birds. Today though it was no sooner done than it froze again. Oh well, never mind, it will soon be spring.

When it is this cold I sometimes have a hankering to be in a centrally heated house with the thermostat turned to very hot. Or at least to wake up in one. That would be bliss. But nah! I'm tough. I can take it.
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Despite the freezing conditions though I was on the beach this morning. Me and Sadie the German Shepherd. Having a lovely walk. I don't know what it was that made me go down to the seaside today. I just can't for the life of me figure out why I did it. What with it being so cold and all.

Oh did I mention that I was there with Samantha and Ned the Border Collie?
Ned decided to do some litter picking.


Sadie isn't sure about the litter picking.


Sam and her specially made thumbstick.

Sadie stays beside Sam a lot. It could be love, or it might be the treats she has in her pocket?

We had the beach all to ourselves.

Sam was really pleased with the thumbstick I made her. It came in really useful when she stood in some quicksand!

Do you know, I never felt cold at all when I was on the beach today. Something took my mind off the cold. It's a mystery to me, but I had a rosy glow for the rest of the day.

I hope you are keeping warm, or if you are from warmer climes, managing to keep cool.

Come back and see me soon.

John.

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Just Me Again. Rambling On.

All the annoying anonymous comments have disappeared. Thank you for the advice. It was so simple to stop them. Most things are easy once you get to know how to do them. I was getting so fed up with them. A page full of anonymous comments is quite a disheartening sight. They didn't all go to the spam page either. A lot of them were mixed up with all my regular emails. Look at this page.


Look at this picture of the spam. All of them absolute rubbish, except there right at the bottom is an email from Paul in New Zealand. I could easily have missed it. Never mind. All is well that ends well, and hopefully that is an end to it. I have not received one spam email today.



I don't know what to talk about now.

Sadie the German Shepherd and I went to the beach today. We walked a few miles. I picked up a couple of pieces of driftwood. I shall paint on them when they have dried out. Despite how far we walked today, and bearing in mind that the beach is between two fairly large towns and close to many villages, I did not see another soul. Marvellous! I could have been on a remote Scottish coastline, it was that quiet.

When I say quiet, that is apart from the waves which were quite big today. I love the sound the breakers make as they hit the shingle. Particularly those waves that kind of curl back under themselves. The yearning to go back to sea gets to me at these times. If I could live my life again I think I would spend it quite happily as a mariner. Although I would of course avoid anything that might distract me from my purpose. Such as women. And passenger liners. Far too many distractions on luxury ships. Lots of women. Oh well, we live and learn, or in my case live. I think I shall come back as a sea gypsy, and have a nice little yacht.
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What else have I been up to today. I practiced playing my guitar a bit. It didn't help. I am still rubbish at it. I suspect that the secret to playing the guitar well is to be a bit of a nerd about it, and devote all ones time. That's what I think. I could just be one of the many who will never get to grips with it. Do you know how difficult an instrument it is? I reckon it must be one of the hardest instruments to play properly. I know lot's of people who have bought a guitar and simply given up in despair after just a few weeks. That's the problem you see, they think it is easy. Having said all that, I still get a lot of pleasure from strumming away and singing, even if it is just to myself. When I am on my own playing, I am quite simply the most phenomenal guitarist there has ever been.
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The man who my extremely handsome son George works with in the forestry, has got a great big pile of timber offcuts from his sawmill. He says I can help myself to as much as I want. This would save a lot of money on fuel this winter. The trouble is that it is deep in the woods and my little vehicle stands no chance of getting in there. I have come to the conclusion that I shall have to get in there and just carry some out a bit at a time. On my shoulders. That should keep me warm. It might also cause me to have a heart attack. The annoying thing is that I have a tractor that would get into the woods easily, but it is out of action due to a faulty clutch. I am not a mechanic, despite my love of engines, and I haven't the money to get it sorted. I shall do my usual thing of waiting, and letting the Lord provide. He always comes up trumps in the end. He treats me very well considering I am so sceptical.
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Talking about money, I haven't earned much lately. Having this pension is very nice, but it is making me lazy. I keep telling myself I will get by, but the truth is I'm not really. I have the capacity to earn more, but I am so undisciplined these days. Have I earned the right, by dint of my age, to take things a bit easier? Perhaps. But I need more money. I am thinking a part-time job would suit me. Mind you I would get clobbered for tax. I don't really need a lot more. But it would be nice to not use the overdraft facility. Daft really, I am what is known as asset rich and cash poor. I'm not going to sell anything. I want to leave something to EHS George when I go. Oh sod it! What is the point of worrying about money. It is worrying about something I haven't got. Where is the sense in that? That bit I said about a part-time job? Forget I said that please. I think I just had an aberration.
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I finished making a hikers thumbstick today. It is a present for someone. I can't show you it yet in case they see it. I am pleased with it though. It is a personalised article. I have seen thumbsticks for sale on Ebay. Maybe I could start a business on there.
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I think I shall say goodnight now, or maybe it is morning where you are? Whatever time of day or night it is with you, I hope you are well and happy. I shall be back soon. Unless something happens in the forest!





Monday, 3 December 2012

I Am Bain. Watch Me Rock.

Ladies and Gentlemen, for your delectation and delight. An old guy rocks!

There was once a time when to see myself behaving like this would have embarrassed me terribly. Now? Well I am really enjoying growing old disgracefully.

Please before you slaughter me, bear in mind that this was not rehearsed. It was done with the aid of just a half pint of Magners cider. I don't need any excuses really. It was a great night. It made people happy, and that is a good thing!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3h1eAd7vXD8



As all nights featuring Open Mic with Sedge & Jon always are.









Sunday, 2 December 2012

Bosch Bish Bash Bosch!

Some potatoes will not go crispy! It doesn't matter what you do they will still be horribly squashy.

No please! Don't go telling me I'm doing it wrong. I not having that! I did them right. Oven preheated: Check. Potatoes parboiled: Check. Put in baking tray: Check. Roast until slightly burnt: Check.

The result was squashy not crispy. It has to be down to what type of potato is used. I have had some great results in the past, so I know what I'm talking about here.

Today's roast potatoes were so disappointing. I ate them, but the pleasure wasn't there.

I feel there are three options available to me. One: I can do some serious research on different varieties. Two: I can't remember what option two was going to be. Three: Can't remember that either.

Option two has just come back to me. It involves my trusty Bosch hot air paint stripper. That is more than capable of crisping a few potatoes. Come to think of it The Bosch hot air paint stripper would be a good way of softening hard butter!  I shall go and try that now. Please excuse me for a minute or two.

Yes success! It worked. I wasn't able to spread the butter, but it poured very easily! Caution: Do not do this if the butter is in a plastic container. I'm serious here. Put the butter to be melted into something that will not melt!

Incidentally while I am on the subject, thank you all for the hard butter spreading hints and tips. I'm sorry but the calendar prize for the best tip will not now happen. This is because I have just devised my own, far superior method. Sorry about that.
A quick and effective way to remove excess ear hair and melt earwax at the same time! Genius!

The Bosch hot air paint stripper is useful in so many ways. For instance, cold bed sheets can be quickly burnt warmed. If doing this while you are actually in the bed, remember to keep your legs as wide apart as possible. This will make a nice tent like structure to contain the heat. Caution: This method is not recommended for people with excessive flatulence. Also a good idea is to inform your spouse, lover or partner, whichever one of the three you are sharing with at the time, of what you are doing with the Bosch hot air paint stripper. Some uncaring people might see the wide open legs as an invitation to lewd behaviour. It goes without saying that if anything of this nature should occur, please remember to either switch off the Bosch hot air paint stripper, or ask a third party to hold it until you are finished. Caution: Do not ask an elderly parent to hold it.

Cold trousers? Don't risk shrinking your private parts. The Bosch hot air paint stripper will quickly heat them to a blissful temperature. Caution: Warm the trousers before putting them on not after! I am serious here. Hairy bits are easily singed. It just takes a moments inattention. Don't risk it. If you think waxing is painful, it is as nothing compared to the horror of burnt pubes. Seriously. Please do not risk it!

There are many different ways of utilising the Bosch hot air paint stripper. How many ways can you think of? Why not spend an enjoyable few hours thinking of some? A pleasant enough way to while away a cold winters evening.

I do apologise but I still cannot remember what option three was!




Saturday, 1 December 2012

Just Talking That's All.

Despite signing up for Skype I have still not got around to getting a webcam and microphone. I have spoken to Ilona meanqueen-lifeaftermoney.blogspot.com and I can see and hear her OK. She can hear me but of course I don't have the webcam so she can't see me. Probably lucky for her because I was in bed at the time, naked as a jaybird! It was a bit dark where she was, no lights on, what with her being the meanqueen and all, so I couldn't see too clearly but I think she was fully clothed!
Eventually I will get around to buying a webcam but from what I hear about the difficulties with different time zones it might not be too practical anyway. I think I shall just play it by ear for the moment. I do think it is a wonderful thing how it is possible to see and speak to anyone in the world at the click of a button. Free too! Blimey, I never got around to working out button A and button B in the old phone boxes! Modern technology eh! Fantastic!

Except for the spammers! They are driving me crazy! Over thirty anonymous comments on this blog today. What right do they think they have to keep interfering with my blogging hobby. Look spammers I am not interested. I am not going to click on your links, ever! It is not going to happen. However if you would like to email me your home address, next time I am passing by your place I will knock on your front door and smack you one right on your ugly nose! Listen, you moronic slug like nuisance, there is nothing for you on here. Nothing to be gained by your continuous illiterate comments. So please do me a big favour and FUCK OFF!

Please excuse me for that, and accept my apologies, but I am angry at them, as you may have guessed. Who are they? What is it all about? I just don't understand. Do people actually make a living out of spamming? How does that work? Anyway that is enough about them. Sorry again!

Something else that has been exercising the old grey matter, is the hard butter, soft bread dilemma. I am desperate for a solution to this problem, and I know that only women know how to do it. I have never seen a woman tear bread while buttering it, so please don't try and deny that you can do it.

If anyone could see their way clear to sharing the secret with me I shall include them in a prize draw. The prize, and I know you will be excited to hear this, will be a copy of my 2013 calendar, featuring twelve full colour photos of me, in various artfully arranged poses. I think you will particularly enjoy seeing me as Mr August. This is my birthday month, and so I am wearing my birthday suit!

Finally, just before I go, I thought you might like to see how well Mr Christian Grey and his lady Ms Blackrock are looking. They have both put on weight and have grown all their feathers back. There is no sign yet that they will marry but I am hopeful that come the Spring he will take her for his wife and make her Mrs Grey. The other cockerel Sunny Jim has so far not started any fights, and they seem to have marked out their own territories.

Bye for now, and once again sorry for the rant!







Thursday, 29 November 2012

Music, Birds, And Sadly Unfulfilled Memory Foam.

Last nights Open Mic with Sedge and Jon was fantastic. The pub was packed. So nice to see that. A packed out pub is quite a rare thing these days what with the massive taxes on alcohol and the ban on smoking in pubs. Personally I think the smoking ban has sounded the death knell for the pub business. I am sure it could have been better handled, and I am a non smoker.
The blonde woman keeps getting in my photos

There she is again. Hiding behind my glass of cider


Live music in pubs might be one way to stop the decline, and lowering the price of drinks. It's not the publicans fault, more the brewers who own the pubs, cutting off their noses to spite their faces. And the government of course wanting there ounce of flesh from everything that might give the public a bit of pleasure. Good job they don't tax sex! Mind you they are probably thinking about it. Taxing it I mean, not doing it. Actually they are doing it, just not with their own spouses. Politicians do that a lot. Sometimes, if I didn't know better, I would almost think they are human. Of course if they did tax sex, it wouldn't make a hole in my wallet sadly.

There you are. I start off talking about Open Mic nights and it turns into talking about sex. Maybe if I was getting some, these diversions wouldn't happen so often?

But anyway it was a smashing, friendly, fun filled musical evening. Which as is usual with me these days, failed to halt my run of celibacy. I shall not give up yet in my quest for the holy grail. Hey! I think I just invented a euphemism!

Changing the subject completely, it was a beautiful day and Samantha (maybe I haven't changed the subject completely) and me and the dogs spent a happy few hours walking on the beach. I think Sam is getting used to me suddenly stopping our conversations to point out a flock of birds. We watched a Kestrel hovering motionless for a while. She thought it was a child's kite up there in the sky. We saw flocks of Oyster Catchers and Lapwings, and Sanderlings. I don't think I'm boring her. She did mention that she is learning things.

Sadie and Ned are becoming good pals.

Sadie in our 'new' campervan.

Sam's proper campervan.


I reckon we must have walked about five miles today. Now if I had listened to the Consultant when I had tests at the hospital for circulation problems in my legs I probably would have given up walking altogether. But in fact I have not had any pain at all since I increased the distances. The Consultant told me it would gradually get worse. He was wrong! They don't know it all. A couple of years ago I was thinking I might not be able to walk on the hills anymore. But last week I walked the hills with no trouble at all. Maybe next summer I will fulfill my ambition to walk the whole of The South Downs Way. A distance of 120 miles.

After such a nice day I am pleasantly tired. I shall now take myself off to bed, and my new memory foam mattress. Hopefully it won't be too long before the new memory foam mattress has something exciting to remember. Yes I know. I am bad!