Last night I was so bored out of my skin that I went to bed early and watched Match Of The Day on my laptop. After that I was still wide awake so I decided to do a bit of research on the laptop too.
What I was looking for was some information and instruction on how to repair a burst water pipe. I think I may have mentioned that I suffered a burst pipe the other day. So I googled the word 'plumber' and this film came up.
It was an odd type of film. I think it was a love story. It was difficult to tell what the actual story was about because it went straight to the couple, both completely naked, and making love rather vigorously up against, and sometimes on top of, the kitchen units. I was a bit shocked at one point to see her sitting on a chopping board! This must surely go against all health and safety regulations!
In fact the whole film was set in the kitchen and the lovers were both engrossed with each other for the whole half an hour the film lasted. As I say I am not sure what the films message was all about. It was certainly instructional, in that he was telling her how to do things, but not educational about plumbing as far as I could see. Although I have to say I did get rather more interested when I spotted the lady holding on tightly to a beautiful pair of retro style taps on the sink unit! I hoped that the man, who I presumed was a plumber, might demonstrate how they were fitted, but he seemed more interested in his plunger!
It didn't have the class of Romeo and Juliet, but I suppose it is different strokes for different folks. There was an awful lot of stroking going on come to think of it. They were obviously very much in love. I felt a bit sorry for the man. He had the most enormous appendage. It looked exactly like a penis but was very much bigger! The film was called 'Brenda And The Plumbers Tool'. Needless to say I turned it off immediately it finished! Almost.
However the whole thing left me very hot and bothered, so I got out of bed, went outside, and ran around naked in the rain to cool myself down. I think what happened was that the film had awoken dim and distant memories in me. So dim and distant that I still don't know what they were. I feel all right today though.
I never did find out how to mend a burst water pipe. I may have missed that bit, so I suppose I shall have to go back and watch it again!
Match Of The Day was a waste of time. My team could only manage a draw!