Sunday, 2 December 2012

Bosch Bish Bash Bosch!

Some potatoes will not go crispy! It doesn't matter what you do they will still be horribly squashy.

No please! Don't go telling me I'm doing it wrong. I not having that! I did them right. Oven preheated: Check. Potatoes parboiled: Check. Put in baking tray: Check. Roast until slightly burnt: Check.

The result was squashy not crispy. It has to be down to what type of potato is used. I have had some great results in the past, so I know what I'm talking about here.

Today's roast potatoes were so disappointing. I ate them, but the pleasure wasn't there.

I feel there are three options available to me. One: I can do some serious research on different varieties. Two: I can't remember what option two was going to be. Three: Can't remember that either.

Option two has just come back to me. It involves my trusty Bosch hot air paint stripper. That is more than capable of crisping a few potatoes. Come to think of it The Bosch hot air paint stripper would be a good way of softening hard butter!  I shall go and try that now. Please excuse me for a minute or two.

Yes success! It worked. I wasn't able to spread the butter, but it poured very easily! Caution: Do not do this if the butter is in a plastic container. I'm serious here. Put the butter to be melted into something that will not melt!

Incidentally while I am on the subject, thank you all for the hard butter spreading hints and tips. I'm sorry but the calendar prize for the best tip will not now happen. This is because I have just devised my own, far superior method. Sorry about that.
A quick and effective way to remove excess ear hair and melt earwax at the same time! Genius!

The Bosch hot air paint stripper is useful in so many ways. For instance, cold bed sheets can be quickly burnt warmed. If doing this while you are actually in the bed, remember to keep your legs as wide apart as possible. This will make a nice tent like structure to contain the heat. Caution: This method is not recommended for people with excessive flatulence. Also a good idea is to inform your spouse, lover or partner, whichever one of the three you are sharing with at the time, of what you are doing with the Bosch hot air paint stripper. Some uncaring people might see the wide open legs as an invitation to lewd behaviour. It goes without saying that if anything of this nature should occur, please remember to either switch off the Bosch hot air paint stripper, or ask a third party to hold it until you are finished. Caution: Do not ask an elderly parent to hold it.

Cold trousers? Don't risk shrinking your private parts. The Bosch hot air paint stripper will quickly heat them to a blissful temperature. Caution: Warm the trousers before putting them on not after! I am serious here. Hairy bits are easily singed. It just takes a moments inattention. Don't risk it. If you think waxing is painful, it is as nothing compared to the horror of burnt pubes. Seriously. Please do not risk it!

There are many different ways of utilising the Bosch hot air paint stripper. How many ways can you think of? Why not spend an enjoyable few hours thinking of some? A pleasant enough way to while away a cold winters evening.

I do apologise but I still cannot remember what option three was!




14 comments:

  1. Dammit, I almost choked to death on my coffee!

    Thanks to your excellent instructions I'll now have an image in my head the rest of the day of you laying in your bed with that handy-dandy Bosch pointed at your crotch! ;O

    I prefer using my blowdryer for this purpose, it has a 'COOL' setting for those HOT summer nights when my butt cheeks stick to the sheets and a defuser to prevent burnt pubes! ;D

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  2. Burnt pubes don't sound good. I should imagine they don't smell too good either!

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  3. I think that while cleaning your ears with the Bosh hot air paint stripper you may have cleaned too deep. Your mind has been affected.

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  4. Have you received your check yet from Bosch?

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  5. Thanks for the laugh. I'm still wondering what went wrong with the potatoes. Luckily no paint stripper here.

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  6. Such ingenuity must not go un-noticed. I think a youtube clip demonstrating the bed warming technique would be in order.

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  7. It has to be the potatoes, John! A man of your culinary talent would surely be able to perform such an apparently easy cooking endeavour. Thanks for the comment on my post. Look forward to skyping some time in the near future.

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  8. oops just noticed I'm logged in under another name (bluezbandit) in my post above. By the way, spuds aren't spuds mate. Some are bred for roasting, some for chips some for potato salad. But the spuds we have here in Australia are a different breed to your pommie pomme de terre. So basically I can't help you.

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  9. I should get one of these for my husband when he puts on his cold tshirts. He sticks them in the microwave for about 10 seconds to warm them. Yuck!

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  10. Some of your ideas are not so daft, though I think a hairdryer might be a safer alternative for warming the bed. Can't help you with the soggy spud problem, I am too mean to use my oven, costs too much in gas. Is that dryer or drier, sorry I haven't got my dictionary close to hand.

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  11. I'm sure Bosch will reward you handsomely for this idea.

    Going back to the problem of spuds... a lot of supermarkets only sell baking potatoes or ones that are only suitable for mashing. I know, I've had some disappointments lately... I've given up on supermarkets and gone to a reputable privately owned greengrocer.

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  12. Well, I know some uses for a hair dryer, but the stripper would be all that an more on steroids. "Need more power!" (Tim the Tool Time Taylor- do you know that show over there?) Go John!

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  13. Oh John, what are we going to do with you? You are incorrigible!!
    Thanks for the laugh.
    Different kinds of potatoes for different recipes. Here I only use the yellow-skinned ones for mashing and making potato salad and for roasting.

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