My goodness I have been blessed with an almighty talent! They are of course very lucky to have me at these events. Not only do I guarantee a very large female audience, but I have noticed men watching me absolutely awestruck at the way I wield my axe. That's what us rockers call our electric guitars by the way. Axes.
When I say a large female audience I am not of course referring to the size of the women. That would just be plain bad manners. Although one or two are what is euphemistically termed 'cuddly'. Cuddly is a phrase I learnt from the days when I joined a dating agency. It rarely actually means cuddly. Unless the person doing the cuddling has extremely long arms!
Incidentally it wasn't my idea to join a dating agency. I was asked if I would join. They wanted to use a photo of me in their advertising. Apparently the number of women wanting to sign up when they saw my photo went through the roof. Naturally I donated my modelling fee to charity.
What surprises me a lot, mystifies me actually is that I haven't been noticed by any show business impresarios. I don't understand it. I know how good I am. As I might have mentioned I am extremely talented. It might well be that if they sign me up it would put a lot of their other artistes out of work. Yes I think that must be it. I knew there had to be a simple explanation.
My talent is obviously a gift. I think that means it comes from God. He gave me a bad start in life, but as recompense he gave me a beautiful singing voice, charismatic personality, extreme good looks, fantastic musical ability, made me irresistible to women, and to cap it all blessed me with extreme modesty. It isn't until I look at 'ordinary' men that I realise just how lucky I am.
Anyway I must go now. I need my beauty sleep. Just a turn of phrase, I don't really. Gosh, do you know what? I find it so difficult to talk about myself!
I almost had a modelling job yesterday...no...really!
ReplyDeleteJane x
I personally am so honored that you deign to write this blog so we can read it. May I curtsy before you?
ReplyDeleteYou are indeed extremely modest, John. We are so priveleged that you share your many talents with us! By the way I'm still around. If you want to really see good looks you can catch me at this address. http://seasonsfullcircle.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteExcuse me while I breathe /blog the same air.
ReplyDeleteI watched (endured) the X Factor Final the other night, sadly! I would much rather listen to you.
ReplyDeleteOh John, you are indeed a character. I see you not only play the guitar well, but you also know how to blow your own trumpet as well!!
ReplyDeleteMuch love.
I KNOW how talented you are ... and you'd make a great comedian was well.
ReplyDeleteI have started taking notes. For my wife keeps insisting that I am no longer nearly as charming as she remembers me being. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure there is enough air in one room for both of us. We may not be destined to meet.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you are right in saying that you would put other actors out of work should you become involved in show business.
ReplyDeleteYou are one funny man, and oh yes, I acknowledge the charm as well.
ReplyDelete