Friday, 15 February 2013

Love Is In The Ch.....Air.

Valentines day dawned bright. The sky was high and clear, and Springtime blue. I wasn't surprised by this, because it was a Thursday, and strange as it seems when you consider the amount of rain we have endured for months now, it has never rained on a Thursday - not during our walks at least - since Samantha and I began our regular outings with the dogs, Sadie the German Shepherd and young Ned the Border Collie, which we started last October.

No I am sorry, I tell a lie. It did rain one Thursday, but remarkably it was the one week when we, for some reason I can't recall, went walking on a Wednesday instead. That Wednesday was a fine day too.

Sam arrived at my place with Ned this fine morning. I tried my best to look as though I hadn't been up all night getting the place tidy. She thinks it is always this tidy, and that I always regularly do the washing up. Mind you it is nice tidy, I might try to keep it like this. She and I were rehearsing a song to sing together at that nights open mic event.

After we had exchanged Valentine cards and gifts (that's all you need to know at the moment) we were going to have a quick run through of the song, before setting off on our walk. We were going to walk from my place across the back fields. That was our intention anyway, but the dogs, especially Ned had other ideas. Love was definitely in the air.

Sadie had come into season and young Ned, emboldened by the recent rapid descent of his new testicles, decided, quite naturally I feel, that this Springlike Saint Valentines day, was the perfect opportunity to test their efficiency, and in the process, pop his cherry lose his virginity to a mature and beautiful female of his species. However Ned made the mistake of neglecting any foreplay, a forgivable failing considering the unexpected turn of events. Sadie likes to be woo'ed first, like most females. We men don't understand that, but eventually we realise the necessity of it if we want to get anywhere with them. Anyway she made her feelings known, and sadly young Ned had missed his chance. A scenario not too uncommon among the young males of the human species either. We live and learn, and so did Ned, but not before he had tried several other uncouth attempts to mount her. Ah yes, I remember it well. However when I later noticed that Sadie seemed to have warmed to his ardent though clumsy attentions, I am afraid I had to intervene and sadly Sadie had to be shut away in the van.

Sam and a muddy Ned on a previous walk.
Finding the object of his attentions spirited away, poor Ned then proceeded to mount and hump anything that Sadie had come into contact with, including the armchair in my workshop, where Sadie likes to sit, my leg, Sam's leg, Sams guitar case, At one time I noticed Ned eyeing the cockerel a bit intently but luckily for him he decided against that course of action and began to hump the ground Sadie had walked on instead. Now that is what I call true devotion!

Whenever Ned disappeared from our sight, we didn't panic because we knew he would be found in the workshop having vigorously enthusiastic humping sex, albeit amateurishly, with the armchair!

We had to give up on our walk, but at least we got to practice our song, between prising Ned off the armchair, that is.

Hours later when I picked Sam up to go to Open Mic, I noticed that Ned was still aroused and walking funny, (oh the memories of my youth this is bringing back to me) and had once again turned his attentions to the guitar case. I can understand his confusion, because in the right lighting conditions, and viewed from certain angles, that guitar case could easily be mistaken for an attractive Border Collie bitch! It's an easy mistake to make. Why I remember one time when I was a mere youth myself I once mistakenly....  Oh dear, perhaps some things are best forgotten about?

Ned is going to have his vibrant new testicles removed soon poor lad. I wonder what they do with them. Seems such a waste just to throw them away. I wonder if they could be transplanted.....? NO! That is so wrong!


  1. Ear rings...the removed boy bits make great ear rings!
    Jane x

  2. Good one today John! Fitting for Valentine's Day. Our dog Nellie had a wonderful friend we would visit quite often when she was younger. Nellie had been fixed and was was Coty but that didn't deter him. Poor Nellie had to endure being humped in the normal humping area, on her side, on her head.....She finally would have to tell him enough. I started feeling bad for letting them play together because that's all he wanted to do.

  3. Poor Ned. Clipped in his prime. But it must be done or you and Sam will become godparents to a litter of little bundles of energy. I do hope you tape the performance when you and Sam sing together. That would be a real treat.

  4. I wish I could I say I thoroughly enjoyed your Valentine's Day tale John but it is a little hard when I am still in pain from my vasectomy. Hopefully it goes better for Ned than it did for me. My best to him and hopefully the guitar case survives until Ned gets fixed. Take care and enjoy your weekend.

  5. Since Sam is being so quick to remedy the situation with Ned, is it safe to assume that you keep your own humping of anything within reach down to a minimum whenever the mood strikes you?

  6. Seems as if you had a wonderful valentine's Day, and I'm happy that you did.
    Poor Ned.
    Waiting to view the open mic song of you and Sam...

  7. I would also like to see a video of you and Sam singing together.
    Do you breed Sadie?

  8. Now, in the midst of all this doggie talk, I understand that you and Sam sang together.
    Will you please let us hear it? Please?

  9. Out Totem was clipped at 4 years old, when we got him. He acts like K-dens pup and tries to humb Gwennie and she endures him for a minute or to then she can't be bothered. Totem can be relentless when he gets stirred up and Gwen retreats to under Mr BC's feet. "Totem, Gwennie says NO!"

  10. Well, those are memories of young male dogs I don't need to remember all that much!

  11. Speaking of VDay.... Well, no more 'Heart Ons' for Ned? Clip, clip...

  12. John, this was a true puppy love tale but with a not so happy least for Ned. Also hope to hear more about your open mke duet with Sam.