Monday, 12 November 2012

Man Flu Has Me In It's Virulent Grip!

I am feeling poorly. Proper poorly. I have spent most of today in bed feeling sorry for myself. With good reason too. What this is, is man flu. The worst kind. It started off as a slight sore throat two days ago (I am such a martyr. It was actually a horribly painful sore throat, but I'm not one to complain) and rapidly developed into the killer man flu.

Too be honest, I don't know where I am getting the strength from to write this. But I take my responsibilities regarding you my loyal friends very seriously. So with the help of a walking frame, have forced myself out of bed and sat myself here.

Obviously not much has happened today. I have almost got through four rolls of kitchen paper due to a severe runny nose. I shall take a photograph of the piles of snotty tissue later, when I am not so weak. This has been an opportunity to test out something I heard about recently. Did you know that each nostril takes it in turn to be runny? I have proved this theory, and can now categorically state that each nostril runs separately for a period of four hours.Give or take a few minutes. The left pile of snotty tissues is exactly the same height as the right pile. Isn't that remarkable? So there you are, even when I am at death's door I am able to expand your knowledge!

I tried to read a book today, but it was too heavy for me to pick up. Tricia did buy me a newspaper but it was also too heavy. My arms are just not up to heavy lifting at the moment. So I just flipped gently through the pages, not really bothering to read. For all I know the world could have ended today.


The man from Sky TV came to fit the satellite dish down at the house. I haven't been down to see the new TV. My legs are far too weak to make those fifty yards. Usually when there is a strange man in the house I make sure I'm there too. Just in case he attempts to seduce Tricia and the two of them run away together. Not to worry though, I just phoned down to the house and Tricia is still there. Mind you it pays to be aware of what might happen.

Now then, what I don't want is all you lady readers rushing round here and taking care of me. I have beaten this man flu before, and I shall do so again. Heaven forbid that you ladies should contract this virulent and wicked contagion.

I must go now while I still have enough strength left to suck some thin gruel through a straw.

In the event that I am taken to glory by this: Please no flowers!









20 comments:

  1. You've definitely enabled me to feel your pain. I wish you a speedy recovery.
    I've admittedly never heard of the Alternating Runny Nostril Theory. Very interesting. Unnerving, but interesting......

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  2. Huh.

    That explains MY symptoms very well. Only I'm not a gent, so NOW what?
    Oh, and I struggled in to work and am still upright, and whiny--but functional...sorta.....

    <-- has kleenex and a runny nose

    You can bet I'll check out that 'left nostril/right nostril' deal........

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  3. it's very kind of you to be so concerned about your female readers but you shouldn't worry because we all know that man flu is MUCH worse than woman flu :)

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  4. Poor Baby, you sound a little delirious, when was the last time you took your temperature? Now you climb back into bed where you belong John Boy and stop worryun' about us! Save your strength!

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  5. For 2 weeks, I have been doing research on what sounds like the same virus and feel almost human again. Cough syrup and cabernet. My sympathies and best wishes.

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  6. I have two words for you... CHICKEN SOUP!

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  7. Message to Mel... thank goodness you're a woman and able to cope... wink.

    Thanks for the lesson, John. Get well soon and I promise not to send flowers.

    Men, huh!

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  8. I'm so sorry I am not around to look after you. Just make sure you pay for a decent size buffet before you depart, ha ha

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  9. Oh dear poor you. I have been ill for a few days but as I am not a man I only have a cold. We womwn dont know how lucky we are.

    I suggest lemon, honey and whiskey, topped off with hot water. Dont think it does any good but it tastes great. I am off for another.

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    Replies
    1. Oops *women* is what I meant to type. I may have taken too much 'medicine'. whoop whoop.

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    2. I have been partaking of this mixture Eileen. Getting pissed is a definite help. Thanks.

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  10. Replies
    1. Hahahaha! Deb made me laugh!

      <-- bonding with second box of kleenex dontchaknow

      And that right nostril/left nostril jazz......notsomuch.
      Left nostril pile DEFINITELY taller.

      :-/ JUST sayin'......

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    2. Mel, it may be that you have one nostril slightly larger than the other.

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  11. John, so sorry to hear that you are down and out with the man flu. I too, am laid up in bed with the woman flu. Please take care of yourself and feel better soon.
    Check my blog for my remedy.
    Never knew about the alternating runny nostrils phenomenon...I can always learn something from you, even while you're sick

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    Replies
    1. I hope you feel better soon Virginia C. Thank you for your kind words.

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  12. Men are such slaves to their illnesses, John, and you are certainly no exception. Hope you are feeling better soon.

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  13. Thanks for handling all that manflu, so I don't have to have it.

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