I was quietly patting myself on the back, which is not so easy to do now that I am getting old. Actually if my memory serves me right, which it doesn't always do now that I am getting old, it wasn't easy to do when I was young either.
It can be done, this self congratulatory pat, by raising the elbow to head height and letting the forearm drop behind your neck. In this way the hand will be in the correct position to administer the pat. Another way, probably slightly easier, is to reach across your upper body and over the opposite shoulder. However, it should be said, that neither of these two methods (four methods if both arms are employed) are entirely satisfactory, because they will only result in you patting yourself on the upper back, just below the neck. Which lets be honest here, is hardly worth the effort.
If you are alone when you feel the need for a self congratulatory pat, it is probably best not to even bother, and instead, simply give yourself a few quiet words of praise.
Why was I patting myself on the back, albeit in an unsatisfactory way? Well I shall tell you. I was congratulating myself on reaching the grand total of 69 followers.
"Hooray!" I shouted joyously, and feeling as happy as Larry I began the somewhat tortuous back patting attempt. Now at this stage I should point out that I do not know who Larry is or indeed why he is, or was, so happy. The only Larry I have ever known was a ventriloquists doll that was called 'Larry the Lamb'. That was many years ago when I was a young child. I do not recall that it was a particularly happy lamb.
Anyway, I was in the middle of the third or maybe fourth pat when glancing at the computer screen I noticed, horror of horrors, that I was back to 68 followers. Feeling slightly sick at this sudden and unexpected downturn, I disentangled my right elbow from behind my left ear, and fell to pondering why such a thing could have happened.
The pondering did not take too long. I have been slightly naughty lately in my posts, and I think I may have offended someones sensibilities.
I can only apologise most profusely to the lady in question. We do not all share the same sense of humour, and because I am sometimes serious in what I write, you may have joined me in one of those periods, and thought I was a sensible well balanced man.
You were right to assume that of course. It is true, I am sensible and well balanced. But sadly with a wicked sense of humour. So once again, my sincere apologies.
Incidentally I am not going to unfollow you. Not for the moment anyway. Just in case you see the error of your ways and come back. Or I find out the whole thing is down to a computer error.
Please give me another chance. Please. Get me back up to 69 again. Please.
Oh hold on! Perhaps you had better not. I am too old to change my ways, and my wicked sense of humour is too ingrained. No, you did the right thing lady. Stuck to your principles. I would have done exactly the same. Give yourself a pat on the back.
69 eh! What is it about that number? There is a bell ringing in the back of my mind. What is it? Oh blimey no!