Sunday, 17 June 2012

The Success And Failure Of Being A Dad!

Father's Day.

My extremely handsome son George took me out for a meal at lunchtime. We went to a American style diner. The waiting staff are dressed as cowboys and cowgirls, and the whole place is adorned with western style decor. It is amazingly popular, despite very high prices.

I didn't want him to spend his hard earned money on me, but he insisted. He knows the joy to be had in giving. Later on I learned from Tricia that he had planned on taking me to a really expensive place nearby here, but wasn't able to book a table.

It was great being with him, just the two of us. He is such good company. A genuinely nice young lad. How that has happened with a Dad like me I can't fathom. He must get it from his Mum's side.

After my treat, he felt a bit guilty I think, because he had arranged a camping trip with his mates, and thought that he ought to be with me on Father's day. Of course I put his mind at rest about that. I am just pleased that he has good friends to share things with.

Anyway tonight I watched the football on TV on my own. Tricia was there but she is not that into football. Unless it is her beloved Everton FC.

Before he went off camping extremely handsome son George presented me with a big bottle of coke and a six pack of my favourite popcorn. Very thoughtful. He knows my football watching habits.
The miniature bottle of Jack Daniels was a Father's Day gift from the restaurant.
When the match had finished so had all the popcorn and most of the coke. I felt sick. I am such a glutton. Don't think I'm ever going to learn.

He phoned me after the match to say good night, and to tell me I'm the best Dad in the world, and that he loves me.

Now I'm sitting here thinking about what it is to be a Dad. I have done my best, but I am hurting inside a bit. I am thinking of my daughter. I seem to have ruined that relationship. We were so close when she was a child. Almost inseparable. Went everywhere together, shared adventures.

I don't know what went wrong. Maybe she thinks I should have stayed with her Mum. She doesn't get on with Tricia. Although they were once friends. Anyway I'm not going to dwell on it. What's the point? I'm here if she needs me. She knows that because I told her so. She also knows that I love her. I told her that too. A million times.

Thinking about my extremely handsome son George, do you know, I have never, in all his 18 years, told him off, or even raised my voice to him. Now I'm not sure if I should feel proud about that or not. Perhaps that's just the way good Dads are. But I don't know. Because I never knew my own Dad. He pissed of when I was a baby.

I did go through a phase of wanting to get in touch with my Dad, but I never did. Because I realised in time, that I only wanted to meet him, so that I could punch him several times really hard.

So glad I never bothered. He wasn't worth wasting any emotion on. My sister and brother did once try to make contact. Actually found him and knocked on his door! He sent them packing. Told them, in no uncertain terms apparently, not to bother him again.

It is difficult for me to understand how a heartless bastard like that could be my Dad! What hurts though sometimes, is that he started another family. Had more children. So, out there in the big world, I have half siblings I have never met. I wonder how he was with them?

I read a very heartfelt tribute to a Dad today at which caused me to come over all emotional. I have no such poignant memories. But hopefully my children, both of them, will think kindly of me when I have gone.

It is wonderful being a Father. Sometimes heartbreaking I know. But I can't understand why any man wouldn't want to have the love and joy of it, in their life.


  1. Glad you had a lovely dinner with your son. I know where you are coming from on the dad thing. I have often thought about finding mine but I know it would open a can of worms I don't need in my life. Best wishes, take care.

  2. My Dad is wonderful, hubby's Dad was a complete ba$'s the luck of the draw I guess.
    Jane x

  3. You have had a wonderful day with your extremely handsome son. Terrific! I am happy for both of you!!

  4. My dad committed suicide when I was about 8 or 9 and he did it a week before my birthday. I don't have many good memories, but do remember some of the fights he used to have with my mum. It sounds like you have been an amazing dad and yes, it is really sad that you have not been able to keep the relationship with your daughter, but your EHS George thinks the world of you and that does say something!

  5. So glad you had a wonderful day with your son! Love the new header! I want chickens so bad, but hubby says NO. :(

    When I was 15 I had a pet rooster that I would put on a leash and walk around the neighborhood. Damn thing hated Mom and use to chase her around the yard, nipping at her heels. It mysteriously disappeared one day and needless to say we had fried chicken for dinner!

  6. Mother's and Father's Day are tough sometime. I don't have the best memories of my Father either but I think I'm a pretty good Mom. So you just never know how things are going to turn out. Sometimes I think that parents are great because they are doing just the opposite as how they were raised.

    I'm a lot like you with my daughter, I rarely have to raise my voice with her and I don't believe she's ever been grounded. There just wasn't a need. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter, actually that's the first I've ever heard of her. Hopefully some day she will get things figured out for herself and will come to some sort of understanding. Sometimes it take age and maturity to finally see your past. I'm glad you had a wonderful Father's Day, for the most part.

  7. So sweet of your son to dine with you on father's day. My dad left us, or should I say, my mum kick him out of the house when I was six. He was a womaniser and a bit of a gambler and mum couldn't stand him anymore. He passed away in his sleep a few years ago in his young wife's bed. We did attend his funeral. Girls react differently then boys when parents go separate ways. Girls are more sensitive about stuffs like this. Anyway, my sister and I had never hate my dad but we aren't that close. He only visits occasionally. Happy blogging to you

  8. I'm sorry that things aren't getting better between you and your daughter. My daughter pushed her father away after he left. She suffered a lot when he died. Her brothers had each made their own peace with him before so they are not feeling as guilty. I was fortunate enough to have loving parents and my in-laws were just as wonderful. I try to imagine what it must feel like to be abandoned but I cannot quite grasp it. I guess that is a good thing.

  9. I am glad you had a great Father's day with your son, and that he is so thoughtful.

    Keep on trying with your daughter, she will turn around one day.

    And as for your father, he is where he should be: missing out the love and joy in life as you said!

  10. Loved this post,John, and I know from everything you have written that George thinks the world of you. My dad died young (only 54) but I have great memories of him... he was the best friend I ever had and I still miss him. Can't say the same about my mother though.

  11. What an interesting day you had... you had it all. Love, tears, anger, food, whiskey, football on the telly. A day well spent., I'd say. I would have been tired.

  12. I think you are a wonderful Dad, George knows how lucky he is, a sweet young man with a sweet mum and a sweet dad, nuf said :)

  13. Glad that your extremely handsome son George gave you a wonderful father's day. Obviously you did good