The World's Rudest Words And Their Correct Application In Common English Usage.

I have nothing to write about. My mind is a blank canvas. Can't think of a thing to say. Lets see what unfolds.

Raining again. My roof is still leaking despite my repair efforts, and it is threatening to spoil my newly painted ceilings. I think I shall have to do some major alterations to cure the problem. I do think at last I have solved why it is happening, and I have a plan in my head as to how I shall mend things. But it has to stop raining for long enough for me to get the work done. One day of dry weather should be long enough, but I also need the roof space to have time to dry out. So a run of nice days would be appreciated.

Of course nice days during half term holidays also means I ought to be out doing portraits and earning money, not messing about on the roof with a design plan that may or may not work.

I went to the DIY store today to work out the cost of materials. As usual I baulked at the prices. I live in the past with regard to how much things cost. Besides which I am generally a make do and mend type of man. But that isn't going to work this time. I have already tried that route.

My boots have suddenly got a split in them, right across both soles. Only discovered this when I set off across the fields with Sadie the German Shepherd today. We turned back. My feet were sodden. I put her in the car and we went to the park instead. She quite likes the park, plenty of doggy smells to enjoy. I enjoy it too. No not the doggy smells! I enjoy the park. I do pick up after her. Using one of the plastic carrier bags I stole from the local shop. To be honest that is all they are fit for. They are no flipping use for carrying shopping. It was while I was carrying these rather large dog droppings around with me, pretending, in case anyone I knew saw me, that I had just been shopping, that I began to wonder why the nations dog turds could not be put to some good use. I never came up with anything, but it does seem a shame to just throw this plentiful natural resource away. Perhaps you dear reader would like to spend a few minutes of your time thinking of some good uses. It doesn't just have to stop at dog turds either, There is of course human.... I'm going to leave the subject there. I'm feeling a bit queasy. Hope you are OK. Oh yes, you are. I can tell with this new widget I'm trialling. Of which more later! I shall have to buy new boots. More money to earn!

Oi Blogger listen to me. The word 'trialling' has two 'l's'. Yes it does. In England it does, and we invented the English language. So there. So you can remove that red squiggly line. Thanks. And all the other words you accuse me of misspelling. Although I am willing to concede that doggy has a 'y' at the end and not 'ie'.

I have been given a golf buggy. I saw it in my friends garage and cadged it off him. It will, with just a little bit of alteration make it easy to take my easel and stools about the place.When I say stools I'm talking about those things to sit on. Thought it best to make that clear. I do not carry my stools around in a stolen plastic carrier bag! Unless I'm on the way to hospital for tests. Even so the hospital didn't approve of the carrier bag I used. Apparently you are supposed to use the little tube supplied, but I found it far too small! It's not a buggy, what am I saying? It's a golf cart that you pull along. A golf buggy is a little electric car, not the same thing at all!

Are you bored with this yet? Please feel free to stop reading. No need to be polite. Just bear in mind though, that I will know who you are if you do stop reading this. I have fitted a newly developed widget that lets me know exactly what you are doing at any given moment. It is in the early stages of development and I have been chosen to trial it. It really is amazing. STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! That's better. Really I'm shocked! But don't worry, your secret is safe with me.

I am still blowing the penny whistle. In fact next week I am appearing at The Royal Festival Hall in London, to give a recital and penny whistle masterclass to some of the worlds finest musicians. Sorry, all tickets have sold out. Apparently I have amazed the world, through the good auspices of youtube, with my remarkable abilities. Funny old world isn't it. One just never knows what is around the corner, does one? One? Why have I suddenly started talking like the Queen? One doesn't normally, does one? One must have been watching too much Diamond Jubilee stuff.

Well I have to admit my mind is still a complete blank. Still can't think of anything to talk about. Oh hold on! There was something. Oh yes that's it. How on earth could I forget that? Blast! It's gone. Never mind there is always tomorrow.

I do apologise for the title of this post. An attention grabbing headline though, I'm sure you will agree. One has to resort to this kind of subterfuge when one cannot think of a thing to say to ones readers.