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| A pizza. Just in case you don't know what a pizza looks like. |
"Wa ain goo en plin pisser," he said.
"Pardon?"
"Wa ain goo en plin pisser."
"You don't have plain pizza?"
"Pliss?"
"You don't have plain pizza?"
"Wot you lif?"
"Pardon?"
"Dilliffa lif? Dilliffa?"
"Oh, you mean deliver! Where do I lif? Sorry live. You want my address?"
"Yeh."
Eventually, after another excruciatingly painful conversation, he finally had my address. I presume written down. He repeated it back to me. I couldn't understand what he said, but found myself agreeing with him.
"Yes," I said, "that sounds about right. How long will it be?"
"Issa lar? Issa mejem?"
"Pardon?"
"You wanim lar? You wanim mejem?"
"Oh. Large please. How long will it take?"
"Issa arva nower."
"Half an hour?"
"Assit, arva nower."
It occurred to me that I had no idea what type of pizza I had ordered.
"What is it? What kind? Is it a plain pizza?"
"Wa ain goo en plin pisser."
"What are you sending me?"
"Issan ice pisser."
I has a horrible picture in my head of an Eskimo peeing in the snow.
"Sorry, did you say ice pizza?"
"Yeh issan ice pisser."
"You mean it's frozen?"
"No. issan ice pisser."
"Oh NICE! A nice pizza. I get it now."
"No. No get now. Arva nower."
"OK. Half an hour. Thank you. Bye."
"Yeh."
When it hadn't arrived after an hour and a half. I went to the local shop and bought a pizza there. Very nice it was too. I was just finishing it, when my ordered one arrived. About two hours late!
It is flipping enormous! I had to fold it to get it to fit in the fridge. I suppose I should have taken it out of the box!
I haven't got a clue what type it is!
I think most of Englands jobs get advertised in foreign jails these days
ReplyDeleteSo I was just sitting at the computer I am tired as I have been baling hay all day. Imagine my surprise to start laughing and not being able to stop. Thanks John.. Still laughing My Hero is going to wonder if I have lost my mind.:) B
ReplyDeleteYou know by ordering this large pizza and having it delivered you could visit America and be right at home!
ReplyDeleteBut don't ask me how to do it, my husband is a celiac and can't have pizza, so these kind of things (like ordering pizza) is totally beyond me. People here think I am from another planet!
We don't have anyone that delivers in our area. If we want pizza we have to go out and get it ourselves
ReplyDeleteThis is one of your funniest posts ever. Thank you for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteOh you funny man! Well that much pizza ought to hold you for a long time.
ReplyDeleteOh thank you for starting my day with a real old belly laugh - brilliant.
ReplyDeleteThis was hilarious to read :-). I once worked with a lady who I could never understood and she would get really angry if you asked her to repeat herself so you ended up just nodding your head and hope you aren't agreeing to her killing your or something.
ReplyDeleteRoaring with laughter here... thank you so much. I've had a few of those conversations and always came away not knowing what the hell was said.
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ReplyDeleteLooksa lica avera nissa pisser. Yum!
ReplyDeleteNo wonder you've never ordered on before. Sheeeesh! The dialect would throw me for a loop too. I'll take a loaded, bacon cheese burger to go!
ReplyDeleteWhich is why I always make my own.
ReplyDeleteJane x
Thanks for the laughs...reminds me of trying to order at a local Mexican restaurant for carry out...
ReplyDelete