Friday 20 July 2012

Soixante-Neuf. A Sad Fare Thee Well.

I was quietly patting myself on the back, which is not so easy to do now that I am getting old. Actually if my memory serves me right, which it doesn't always do now that I am getting old, it wasn't easy to do when I was young either.

It can be done, this self congratulatory pat, by raising the elbow to head height and letting the forearm drop behind your neck. In this way the hand will be in the correct position to administer the pat. Another way, probably slightly easier, is to reach across your upper body and over the opposite shoulder. However, it should be said, that neither of these two methods (four methods if both arms are employed) are entirely satisfactory, because they will only result in you patting yourself on the upper back, just below the neck. Which lets be honest here, is hardly worth the effort.

If you are alone when you feel the need for a self congratulatory pat, it is probably best not to even bother, and instead, simply give yourself a few quiet words of praise.

Why was I patting myself on the back, albeit in an unsatisfactory way? Well I shall tell you. I was congratulating myself on reaching the grand total of 69 followers.

"Hooray!" I shouted joyously, and feeling as happy as Larry I began the somewhat tortuous back patting attempt. Now at this stage I should point out that I do not know who Larry is or indeed why he is, or was, so happy. The only Larry I have ever known was a ventriloquists doll that was called 'Larry the Lamb'. That was many years ago when I was a young child. I do not recall that it was a particularly happy lamb.

Anyway, I was in the middle of the third or maybe fourth pat when glancing at the computer screen I noticed, horror of horrors, that I was back to 68 followers. Feeling slightly sick at this sudden and unexpected downturn, I disentangled my right elbow from behind my left ear, and fell to pondering why such a thing could have happened.

The pondering did not take too long. I have been slightly naughty lately in my posts, and I think I may have offended someones sensibilities.

I can only apologise most profusely to the lady in question. We do not all share the same sense of humour, and because I am sometimes serious in what I write, you may have joined me in one of those periods, and thought I was a sensible well balanced man.

You were right to assume that of course. It is true, I am sensible and well balanced. But sadly with a wicked sense of humour. So once again, my sincere apologies.

Incidentally I am not going to unfollow you. Not for the moment anyway. Just in case you see the error of your ways and come back. Or I find out the whole thing is down to a computer error.

Please give me another chance. Please. Get me back up to 69 again. Please.

Oh hold on! Perhaps you had better not. I am too old to change my ways, and my wicked sense of humour is too ingrained. No, you did the right thing lady. Stuck to your principles. I would have done exactly the same. Give yourself a pat on the back.

69 eh! What is it about that number? There is a bell ringing in the back of my mind. What is it? Oh blimey no!

17 comments:

  1. You've just caused me to look up an expression from G.B. and the Commonwealth for the 2nd time today. 1st was "and Bob's your uncle". Now, "happy as Larry." This is making a philologist of me. I have no idea what "69" means. I'll go ask.

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  2. Yes, my blog has stuck at 331 followers for a while, going back to 330 occasionally as I offend someone, I suppose, or seem irrelevant to them, or bore them out of their skulls. And then some other much nicer person comes along who wants my blog for their regular coffee time reading. And up we go to 331 again.

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  3. Maybe you should just skip 69 and go right to 70, that would make everyone feel better, even you ;-) It would taked a lot more than a few naughty posts to dump you John.

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  4. Just so ya know,I'm still here even though I deleted my own blog(wasted time can't be undone when there are a million other things I should to be doing)!

    I secretly enjoy your wicked sense of humour,mine is somewhat warped at times, so don't let one little number get ya down. Hey, maybe they didn't like being 69, maybe they knew what it meant...hehe!! ;D

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  5. OK I,ve joined. Always happy to do what I can to keep a chap happy. You can pat your back again now but dont do yourself an injury.

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    1. Thank you Eileen, or may I call you sixty nine? Perhaps not. I am much happier today after finding the number has gone up to seventy!

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    2. Hmmmm. I think you had better just stick with Eileen as some people might think you are refering to other things . . . . . . like my age and I am a few years off that.

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  6. Your words are a much welcomed treat on this day. I truly do enjoy your sense of humor and if you need me to be number 69, then I shall do it but it looks like someone else beat me to it. So get busy giving yourself pats on the back and feeling as happy as Larry. Take care.

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  7. I'm sure the 69 who are with you now will stick with you through thick and thin, because we LOVE your wicked sense of humour and if they don't, as they say in the classics, "tough titties".

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  8. At least you are patting your back and not messing with your "naughty bits" (a saying from a pretty lady from Wales). I do believe your wickedness is contagious!

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  9. Maybe she heard you singing the other night,

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  10. Now that I've stopped laughing, I will take a minute to tell you that my followers go up and down by 1. Yet nobody seems to leaves ... therefore I assume it is game Blogger occasionally plays. I can't imagine that you've been abandoned by one person, I mean who can resist your charm and wit and all the other bits.

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  11. Did you know the saying "68 and I'll owe you one"?
    Maybe that's what was happening ..... a headache was coming on! Sue

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  12. I may regret telling you this but did you know that 68 is the speed of sex because at 69 you have to turn around :)
    I hope that none of my readers see my comment or perhaps I may lose a follower or two :)

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  13. Mentioned 69 at the end. Sheeeeesh you're probably at 63 now!

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  14. If I had a dollar for every person I've offended, I could buy a large castle in a remote location (with an alligator-filled moat, of course).

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