Monday, 9 January 2012

Shedloads Of Money.

Someone asked me, as I was queuing to buy my lottery ticket, what I would buy if I won millions of pounds? I didn't even have to think about it. I have dreamed of it so many times: I would buy a shed!

Yes I know, pathetic aren't I? Mind you, it would not just be any old shed. Oh no. I'm talking proper shed here. Oak framed of course, and cedar clad. With a roof of shingles. It would be insulated with sheeps wool, and it would be lined inside with oak panels.

All my tools and machinery would be kept in pristine condition. I would probably buy new saw blades every week.

I would have a beautiful cleaning woman, sorry cleaning person come in every day, just to make certain that everything is kept absolutely spotless. It goes without saying obviously, that I would pay the cleaning woman, sorry cleaning person, an extremely good wage for her, sorry, their, work.

I hope you have noticed my efforts to be politically correct. To that end, I ought to mention that the cleaning woman does not necessarily have to be beautiful, or indeed a woman! Although if she was beautiful, and a woman that would be nice. But let me make it absolutely clear, that the job would be open for anyone to apply for. Not just beautiful women. If a beautiful women did actually get the job, it would be purely based on her suitability for the work. Absolutely nothing to do with me hoping to have a relationship with her!

The best tools and materials deserve to be worked by craftsmen, sorry, craftspersons, of the highest calibre. So I would employ only the best people to do all the work for me. There are a lot of very talented women doing craftwork in these enlightened times. So I expect that it is very likely that I would employ a women. Not necessarily beautiful either. Although maybe probable.

Yes indeed, my new shed would be the best shed ever built!

Mind you, there would not be a lot left for me to do inside it. So I would probably forget about it, and go off and spend most of my millions, on wine, women, and song! I would most likely just squander the rest!

In order to remain politically correct, I suppose a percentage of my money would have to be spent on men! Although this would only go as far as buying them a drink.

Hmm.. you know, on reflection, all the high living would probably be the death of me. I don't think I'll bother with the shed. What's the point!

It was just a dream. A crazy pipe dream!


  1. You have just made me smile on a day I particularly needed it!
    Jane x (is x PC?)

  2. Heck... the shed sounds like a nice place to live with your person.

  3. It's those crazy pipe dreams that keep us going :) And since this one is your pipe dream I don't think it's necessary for you to be politically correct. If you want a cleaning woman instead of a cleaning person then that's what it should be

  4. If a cleaning woman is your desire then that is what you should have. It is only incorrect if you do not specify her job description at the very beginning. Of course men should be able to apply if they meet all the necessary qualifications.

  5. I think you have the right idea. I'd forget about the shed too, and any politically correctness would go right out with that shed.

  6. You're back with a vengeance, John! A most entertaining blog!

  7. Oh forget about being politically correct... just go out there and find that woman. That's if you actually do win millions, of course.

  8. Love your new header, a tribute to Vincent perhaps ?
    I went to the Musee d'Orsay in September last year, it was fabulous. I saw 17 Van Goghs and they took my breath away. I was the mad english woman with tears rolling down my cheeks. I get so emotional when I see things like that.

    By the way I think you should employ a beautiful young person just to clean your saw blades rather than buy new ones. In your gallant effort to be politically correct you forgot to be green.

  9. Hey John, can the men be beautiful too...or just the women? Highly entertaining post and politically correct as well.

  10. So ...I guess that means you won't be buying that lottery ticket either! Susan.

  11. Dreams do come true if you pray hard enough

  12. Hahahaha! That was hilarious! I love it!

    I'm very tired of all the political correctness. Very, very tired. I truly believe it causes more problems than it solves. *Sigh*

  13. With cedar cladding and a decent roof I would come and live in your shed, only if it was pristine, of course. I shall be politically incorrect as I would want an Adonis around to clean.