Sometimes I think about having a television again. Not to watch really. I know there is a lot of rubbish on it. It is more to have something on in the background. To hear voices. I'm a lonely old sod you know. I can go days at a time without saying more than a few words to anyone. Apart from Sadie the German Shepherd, Bonnie the cat, or Sunny Jim my big old cock.
They are quite good company, but if I say anything controversial in an attempt to get a good argumentative response from them it never works. Sadie just looks at me adoringly, ears up and attuned for the word walkies, while Bonnie doesn't do arguments, preferring to make her feelings known by killing the next small creature that happens to pass by. As for Sunny Jim all he does is mount one of the hens and give her a good seeing to, before looking at me with a big grin on his beak, and crowing in what I can only describe as, 'a gloating way'. I mean really, as if I'd be jealous of a big cock. But I tell you what if he does it once more, gloats at me like that I mean, he will end up as Sunday dinner.
I have tried listening to the radio, but it doesn't do it for me. It is either too high brow, or too utterly inane. I have yet to find anything to listen to that rocks my boat. There are a couple of comedy panel games, but I always forget when they are on.
Instead of a television, I suppose I could get myself a woman. I do think along those lines occasionally. The trouble is though, whereas when you have had enough of the television it can be switched off, with a woman they don't have an off switch. You try and switch a woman off in mid flow, well it doesn't bear thinking about. Not that any man in his right mind would ever try such a thing.
A man has to seriously weigh up the options. Television or woman? Woman or television? They both have their good points, and their bad points. It is one hell of a dilemma. But I have come to a decision.
I am going to look for a woman with a portable television set. In this way when I have had enough of hearing her voice. I can take the TV, retreat to the shed in the garden and not watch it there.
Now before you have a go at me about being selfish, leaving her on her own like that, please bear in mind that there is always plenty of housework to keep a woman occupied. You see, I'm not selfish. I always take other peoples feelings into consideration.
Disclaimer: This has been a guest post by a very silly man who has now gone into hiding. It is pure coincidence that he also has a German Shepherd called Sadie, a cat called Bonnie, and a big old cock! I have allowed publication because I believe all men should have somewhere to safely express an opinion controversial or not.
Lots of love to all you lovely ladies out there. Oh all right and the men.