Wednesday, 9 January 2013
My brain, or perhaps I should say my mind, works in a higgledy piggledly way. It seems unable to simply take in a piece of information and absorb it. Instead it reduces the substance of said information and scatters it to all the various little hidden nooks and crannies that comprise my grey matter.
It has done this, as far as I am aware, since it was first created. I lack focus. I'm not complaining. This is just the way I am. It might explain why I have not utilised what talents I have to make something of my life. To give my life more substance. To settle into a more comfortable routine. To discipline myself. To find a purpose. To..... Well perhaps you get my drift?
I am in general a failure. This life I lead. This free spirit I pretend inhabits my consciousness is a bloody sham. Sometimes I just wish that John, the happy go lucky bloke, would bugger off and leave me in peace to act like a miserable bastard. I get pissed off sometimes being a nice man. Where is the fun in being nice. It is so bloody boring!
Back in the days when I was bad, when I would spend most weekends locked up in the local jail, I don't remember it being boring. There was excitement. The adrenaline flowed. I never knew what was going to happen from one day to the next. It was fine by me. It didn't require me to have focus.
Nowadays I know what's going to happen next. Nothing.
I shall be fine. I just need to rob a bank. Get some excitement going. Find some focus. It has to be in there somewhere. I just need to bring it out of all those bloody nooks and crannies where it is scattered and hiding.
This has been a rubbish post by a bloke pissed off, fed up, miserable, unfocused, worthless and various other crap variations of the same.
I apologise. See, there it is, I'm apologising. I am too bloody nice for fucks sake!