Friday, 18 January 2013

Abbreviated Exclamations!

The phone rings:

"Hallo. This is John Bain sex guru and associated gynacological services."

"Hi John it's Yola."

"Hi Yola. How are you?"

"I'm fine John. More importantly how are you?"

"Yeah I'm great thanks Yola."

"Are you keeping warm enough John?"

"Yeah I'm fine."

"Have you got your fire lit?"

"No the fire is useless I can't be bothered to light it."

"You must be freezing John."

"No I'm fine really. I have got lots of clothes on. I'm quite snug."

"Well make sure you keep warm won't you?"

"Yeah of course. I'm pretty tough you know."

"You can't be too careful in this cold weather John. Take care of yourself. I am making a risotto for dinner tonight. Would you like to come and have dinner with us?"

Thanks Yola. That sounds like a great idea."

"OK then. I shall give you a shout when it's ready. See you later, and keep warm!"

"Looking forward to it. See you later. Bye."


Yola is my nearest neighbour. She is a professional cook and she makes the most tasty meals imaginable. The back of her house is just a few yards from my boundary. In fact it is so close that I can see right into her bedroom window. She was a contestant on a well known television cookery show once. She should have won it easily but the judges were all bleedin' idiots! But she is definitely a winner in my book.

It was after she had put the phone down that the revelation suddenly hit me. In the abbreviated text speak of a young person. OMG! WTF! Yola was phoning me to check I was all right and keeping warm. OMG! She was making sure her elderly neighbour, moi, was OK in the cold weather. WTF!

The risotto was delicious. So tasty. I think it was butterbean squash -whatever that is- with bacon and chorizo and spinach and all sorts of lovely ingredients. We also had several glasses of a very nice South African Sauvignon Blanc.

Quite right too. If you are going to look out for your elderly neighbours well being, it should be done properly I say. Thanks Yola.

Er, before you ask, Yola already has a bloke. He does martial arts!

I hope you are all keeping warm in this cold weather, or if you're from sunnier climes, keeping cool.

See you later.


PS. This old guy is going sledging tomorrow!

PPS. My main PC has been fixed. Hopefully I will be able to collect it from the repair man tomorrow. I hope to be putting photos back on this blog soon.


  1. I must say, John, you give me a hoot every time I read your blog. I love the way you write and cross off unsavory sentences. You surely wouldn't want people thinking less of you, now would you? I am glad you live in a nice neighborhood and have folks checking on you, despite your age or theirs.

  2. Nice of her to check up on you. I might make that phone call to a friend tomorrow to depress him about his age in a subtle way!

  3. Wish my neighbors would call and offer me dinner.

  4. If a person can't always look after someone else; it's good to be looked after. Glad you had a nice evening.

  5. OMG WTF risotto and wine LOL.
    Jane x

  6. LMFAO. You have got great neighbours Old Fella. You really need to get the fire sorted. I live in a freezing cold house and getting really cold is no joke. I at least manage to keep one room warm(ish) and I wear lots of layers and a wooly hat too if the weather is bad. No snow here but its very cold.

  7. I also stay in a lot during cold weather. I am healthy, thank goodness, but I do not want to take chances falling on a slippery spot. My balance is not what it used to be. That risotto makes my mouth water. I did not feel like cooking tonight so I just had a bowl of cereal. Tomorrow I will make chili or perhaps a Mexican type thing that I do. That will make a few meals. Stay warm. I hear you got some snow.

  8. Glad you are staying warm and you have awesome neighbors looking out for you. We are freezing here as well. BTW how is sex guru and associated gynacological services going?

  9. How marvellous to have a champion cook living so near especially one who looks out for the neighbours. Are there any empty properties nearby... just asking... lol.

  10. You are one lucky chap John.
    Having a nice neighbour to check up on you and invite you to dinner as well, well that is just lovely.
    Maybe you should take lessons from her martial arts may need to defend yourself one day. Your eyes are always landing on some pretty girl, (some with jealous boyfriends), so you should safeguard yourself.
    How is Sadie doing?

  11. Had a similar thing happen to me and the bearded wonder recently when we were evacuated because of the bush fires. My neighbours made sure that we were ok and. Insisted on carrying our stuff and even provided us with dinner. It was kinda nice really after a lifetime of being so fiercely independent.

  12. Nice to have a caring neighbor, John, and especially one who gives invites for dinner. Glad to read that your PC is on the mend. Stay warm!