Monday, 5 December 2011

Nobody Has One Quite Like Mine.

I am unique! That's the truth. I am so proud of my individuality. There is nobody else in the whole world like me. Or if there is I have never met or heard about them. Yes I do know that you are unique too. But you are not as unique as me.

How do I know that you are not as unique as me? Well I'll tell you what an eminent medical consultant told me. He said, and these are almost his exact words, he said, "My goodness me, I have never seen one like that in all my years in the medical profession. There is not one like that in any medical book I have ever seen. It is amazing. With your permission Mr Bain, I would like to have it photographed for medical science."

He was so excited by it that he called a couple of his colleagues over to have a look. They agreed with him that it was, as far as they were concerned, a very interesting medical phenomenon, and a very pretty nurse who happened to be passing by, became so flustered when she spotted it, that she dropped the bed pan she was carrying.

Well of course I was pleased that I had a rare, possibly unique one, and quickly agreed to have it photographed. Well I mean to say, how could I turn down the opportunity to have it recorded for future generations to marvel over? For many people this would be a once in a lifetime chance for them to see one like it. Oh I do realise that they might well have seen one before, but nothing like as uniquely different as mine.

My wife had seen it many times, almost every day actually. She was very fond of it, and would often give it a little rub at unexpected moments.

The truth it that women had always found it fascinating, and I have to admit that when they remarked upon it, I would often use their interest in it to ask for a date. Quite successfully, if I might say so myself.

So I took myself along to the hospital photography studio to have it recorded. I must admit that I was quite excited by this time. Hopefully though I would be able to control my excitement. After all I didn't want to spoil the picture now, did I?

What a let down. Guess what? There was no sign of the photographer, and I could not find him anywhere. I must have waited outside his door for an hour or more, before giving up. I told myself that I would go back the next day, but you know what it's like. You put these things off, and in the end they never get done at all.

All this happened about thirty years ago. As I get older, the interest in it wanes. It has lost a lot of it's novelty to me now. To be honest I don't get the same thrill from seeing it as I used to.

Occasionally though, I still like to have a good look at it. That's what happened today. I had a really good look at it, and do you know what? I still think it looks good. In fact I want you to see it too. So I have photographed it, especially for you.

What do you think of it? Some people think it is a mole. I thought it was a mole. But the Doctor told me it is called a hairy nevis. He had never seen one situated slap bang in the middle of someones nose before. I haven't either. That's why I can tell you so confidently, That I am unique.

What did you think I was talking about?

Well really!


  1. I was waiting for you to tell me. Yes you are unique.

  2. It is a beauty, John! You rightly should be proud of it! Entertaining blog once again!

  3. John, of course, many of us might have been thinking about something else, but knowing your wry sense of humor I figured you would be pulling all our collective chains.

  4. You know what they say about men with big noses?

  5. Hairy nevis....isn't that in Scotland?
    Jane x

  6. I won't tell you about other places that these things grow...grins.

  7. Bugger...Yep you got me this time although I didn't expect a picture. Hehe! Maa

  8. I knew all along exactly what you were talking about. I just thought of something that nobody else has and I knew exactly what it was.

  9. Hahahah! Couldn't wait til the end. I have one too!

  10. I was waiting for that punchline!

  11. You are indeed quite unique. :)