Thursday, 15 December 2011

Susan Boyle's Knickers And The Creation Of The Universe.

After a couple of hours cutting firewood into handy size pieces for my woodburner stove, my mind started wandering. Again. Well it gets quite boring after a while, cutting wood.

Don't ask me why, but I started thinking about women's knickers. Specifically, I began wondering, why modern female singers find it necessary to sing, whilst wearing only their underwear. Maybe I am getting old, but I have to say that whilst I am an ardent admirer of the female form, seeing them prancing about on stage, clad skimpily, in next weeks washing, does not appeal to me in the slightest. Perhaps they do it to distract from the painful, usually nasal screeching, of their latest 'hit'.

Personally, I lay the blame for this phenomena squarely at the feet of Madonna. I'm talking about the 'singer' here. Not the virgin Mary obviously. She started it, I believe, this prancing around half naked, whilst 'singing'.

Hey, maybe I'm not so old after all, because I can clearly remember thinking, when she first appeared on the scene, that I thought it looked stupid.

As she got older, she got even more outrageous. Obviously, being a highly intelligent woman, she thought that behaving like a slut would get her more fans. Happily she was proved wrong eventually, and has now it seems almost disappeared off the celebrity radar.

Although I did have the misfortune to accidentally see her on TV recently, in her knickers, naturally. Or in this context, unnaturally. Wonder what she looks like with her clothes on?

Why on earth does she think that anyone would want to see a woman in her mid fifties, cavorting on stage half dressed, or half undressed. Especially as she has now reached that time of her life where extra large knickers are the order of the day. Not that she has gained weight you understand. Just that she is no spring chicken. More of an old hen. Different shaped. That's what I'm trying to say. Unhappily, however, she has left this legacy of knickers, which today's young women appear keen to emulate.

Oh please someone tell them, these youngsters, how wonderful to the eye, is a well dressed woman. How alluring, how sensual, how enigmatic, and yes, I shall say it, how sexy they could look, if only they would leave something to the imagination.

My mind then thankfully left the subject of knickers, and began to ponder the creation of the Universe.Yes, I know, it is a big leap, but somehow I managed it.

I was thinking about the theory, currently favoured by many scientists, that the Universe came into existence, after a big bang. I had gone along with this theory. Callously disregarding everything I had been taught as a child, about God creating everything. When I say that I had gone along with this theory, what I mean is, that I just accepted it.

Until today that is. Because as the saw ripped through the umpteenth piece of timber, the thought suddenly occurred to me, what was it that caused the big bang to happen? Something must have been there already.

Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, I have, at least in my own mind, disproved the big bang theory, and shall return to my God fearing ways for now. Nobody, to my knowledge, has yet disproved God's existence. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

I had finished sawing firewood, and was just bagging it up, when my mind returned to the subject of knickers.

Thank heavens I thought, thank heavens, that not all women singers need to be half naked when they are singing. I mean to say, I love Susan Boyle's singing. She has real talent. She doesn't need to appear on stage in her knickers. Can you imagine that?

No don't. Don't even think about that. I'm sorry I mentioned it!  


  1. Wonderful post, this, John! I have to admit that I was intrigued by the title, since I'd never seen SB sing in knickers. Actually, in my mind, knickers sort of seem like bloomers... offering a LOT more covering than the singers wear. They would be positively decent in bloomers!

    Hooray for someone to set the Big Bang in motion!

  2. Oh dear, I'll be 50 in February.....where do I big knickers from?
    Jane x

  3. Unfortunately the performers who seem to be appearing everywhere in their undies probably spend just as much as they would for a lovely and, yes, provocative ensemble that would highlight their beauty. It is especially sad that young woman are still being taught that their bodies are all they have to offer. As far as that big bang, who says God did not cause that bang? Religion and science can be compatible.

  4. Crikey! I'd rather not think about Susan Boyle in her's going to take some doing to get that image out of my head the next time I hear her sing.


  5. Thanks God I am not the only one with the mind of a butterfly... lol

  6. Susan's too classy to be hanging out in her knickers. That's what's missing these days, class, except in your case John. You are one classy guy. Merry Christmas to you!

  7. Oh dear! I discovered your blog several months ago and have been enjoying it being a fellow creative spirit. What a let down, your stereotypical comments about women past a certain age. A bit pathetic, and yes sorry I do have a sense of humour.

  8. Hi John, thanks for your comment on my Hannukah post.
    "Sweet things for the coming year"
    Jane xx

  9. Oh oh! I don't think anyone would want to see my Bonds Cottontail full briefs...would they? I can tell you...what's in there ain't too pretty anymore either! Haha! Maa

  10. Ahahahahaha!! Love it!! And yes, as a woman in her mid (not to say 'late') fifties, I did find it funny, and also insightful and very true. Not sure if Madonna did start it, but anyway, you're right; the right clothing is far more alluring than underwear, and let's face it, if you have to grab your audience's attention by stripping to almost nothing, where is your talent?

    Of course, when Johnny Depp gets up there on stage to play with some band or other and takes his shirt off, that is completely different and I'm happy to drool along with everyone else.

    Showing my age? But what CAN you mean ... ?

  11. Oh, and by the way, this post does it for me. I'm adding you to my news feed. ;)