Monday 18 June 2012

Masturbation Will Not Make You Blind. But It Might Steam Up Your Glasses!


It is bedtime in the children's home. All of us boys are in the dormitory. We are wearing our pajamas, and we kneel beside our beds waiting for Auntie May, the housemother to say the bedtime prayer.

There is a bit of a delay tonight, and my skinny little knees are hurting on the hard linoleum floor. The cause of the delay is because Auntie May is having a problem with Ronny's boxing gloves. Ronny has been caught playing with himself again, and he must wear the boxing gloves at night until he is cured. He has been cured several times already, but the problem keeps on rearing it's ugly head. Please forgive the unintended pun.

Eventually Auntie May is satisfied that the boxing gloves are on securely, and she says a short prayer asking God to forgive us wicked boys for our sins. As she leaves the room, she gives us all a stern warning that self abuse is a sin, and that there are plenty more pairs of boxing gloves available if she finds anyone else indulging in the filthy practice.

Poor old Ronny. He has a real problem with it. He was even caught doing it at school once. In the classroom! During a lesson! He got the cane for that. He has even had his trouser pockets sewn up, because of his constant fiddling with himself. All to no avail. Nothing, it seems, is going to stop him indulging in his favourite pastime.

We have all been given a lecture and a stern warning about the dire consequences of masturbation. We know only too well that we risk becoming physically weak and feeble minded, and could, in all probability go blind. However, it seems that most of us boys are willing to take the risk. Although in my case, I am a bit worried about going blind, and determine that I will only continue doing it, until I need glasses!

In view of Ronny's uncontrollable little habit, it is very unfortunate I feel, that his surname is Handcock. What a cruel irony!

11 comments:

  1. OMG...John, I love this post, its hilarious!

    It was so funny I choked on my watermelon and had it coming out my nose, my hubby was about to give me the heimlich maneuver because I couldn't catch my breath!!! He was confused because I was laughing and choking at the same time and the more he tried to help me the more I laughed and coughed!

    Whew, thanks for the best laugh I've had in a long time!

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  2. A good British education!
    Jane x

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  3. I assume since you got your glasses you have been cured. An entertaining read! Poor young Handcock! Glad he was able to get one up on Auntie May!

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  4. And to think, John, that you were considering stepping away from blog posting for awhile...

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  5. Ha! Ha! Loved this, so funny.

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  6. Poor Ronnie. I wonder whatever became of that poor blind fellow.

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  7. OMG there must have been a lot of bad boys in my family..........

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  8. What a riot!
    What do they say about the 'bird in hand is worth...'

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  9. Oh this was just too funny. I have to wonder if Ronny ever outgrew his obsession. Oh now wasn't that a silly thought.

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  10. My mom told me that happened to little boys who did THAT!

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  11. I'm glad I read this story second, it gave me a smile ;-)

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