Monday, 22 October 2012

Can't Think Of A Thing To Say.

I'm terribly sorry but there will not be a blog post tonight. My mind is a blank. Nothing there at all. Come on John. Think!  No nothing. My head is emptier than a... Than a... Oh what's it emptier than? I can't even think of that. Emptier than a..Than a... Than an empty thing. Oh how pathetic! Emptier than an empty thing? I'm supposed to be a writer. Oh dear this is hopeless! I shall tell you about my day.

This morning I got up late. So did Sadie the German Shepherd, and so did Bonnie the ginger cat. Next thing was I opened the door. Sadie stood by the door looking out. It was misty and drizzly. Sadie went back to her bed. Bonnie didn't even bother to move from the chair she was on. I put the kettle on, and while waiting for it to boil I had a pee. I did that in the bathroom, not beside the kettle. The kettle is in the kitchen. When the tea was made I thought I would have some toast. While the toaster was doing what it does I switched on the computer and read your emails. Not your emails, my emails that you sent, via the comments section at the bottom of this blog. That's how I know you have made a comment, before looking at this blog.

The butter was hard, even though it wasn't in the fridge. Luckily the toast was hot, so I managed to spread it. I hate it when the butter is so hard that it tears the bread to bits. I put marmalade on the toast as well. Actually it was made of lemons, is that still marmalade? A poem I am making up as I go along:

When the day is cold and the butter won't spread,

And the knife you are using, tears the bread.

Do not despair, make some toast instead,

And take yourself  back to your nice warm bed.

That's not what I did. I perched myself on the edge of the chair - on the edge so as not to disturb Bonnie the cat- and ate my toast and drank my tea, whilst reading bits of yesterday's newspaper. Then I got dressed, because it was cold sitting there naked.

Next thing I did was to look up formatting on Google. There is quite a lot about formatting, but I didn't understand any of it. So I shut the computer down, and went into feeling sorry for myself mode. I am never going to get this book published. It's a rubbish bloody book anyway. Wish I had enough money to have someone do it for me. Don't know why I ever started the damn thing in the first place. That sort of mode. Then I thought "Sod it. I'm going for a walk."

That's what I did.  Me and Sadie the German Shepherd. On the way home I stopped in the shop and bought some bacon. I thought about taking Sadie in the shop with me, even though they don't allow dogs normally. I was going to pretend she was my guide dog, but when I looked in the shop, I saw it was staff who know me, and they know I'm not blind, so I tied Sadie up outside. She doesn't mind, as long as I don't forget she is there and go home without her. Which I would never do of course. Well never again I mean. Not after the last few times. She means the world to me that dog. They were genuine memory lapses. Anyway no harm was done, and it was only for a few hours each time.

I am of course extremely grateful to the people who brought her home to me. Thank you Vicar. Thank you Mrs Bagshott- Carruthers- Smythe's manservant, and a special thank you to the very elderly lady in the wheelchair for struggling all that way with Sadie, in the rain too. I realise you went several miles out of your way to bring her home. By the way elderly lady in the wheelchair, I am sorry I could not mend your punctured tyre or give you a lift back to your house, but I was busy. Sorry about the pnuemonia too. Hope you are recovered now. Please do stay out of the rain.

When we got back I made us both a bacon sandwich. Sadie likes hers with the crusts taken off, which is handy because it gives me something to throw to the hens.

Later I did this picture of Jon from Open Mic with Sedge and Jon.  I put it on facebook for him to see. I think he likes it. I am enjoying doing these drawings of the Open Mic lot. When I get a bit better at it I shall offer it as a service. Drawings from your facebook page. Sounds like a winner. This time next year I shall probably be a millionaire.

After that I thought about doing my blog, but can't think of anything to say. So I shall give it a miss for tonight. I'm terribly sorry about that.


  1. I like your little toast poem, especially the last line. Thats what you should have done, breakfast in bed. I've not had that for years until last sunday. I had hardly slept saturday night coz some idiot thought it would be a good idea to light fireworks at 3am. I could not get back to sleep after being woken up at that time. I finally got up at quarter to six and made bacon, egg, tomatoes and fried bread. Oh what a treat. I took it back to bed and really enjoyed it. Its years since I had breakfast in bed. I know it would have been nice if I had someone make it for me but the cat is a lousy cook. He has his uses though, he kept the bed warm while I was frying.

  2. Maybe you should visit my blog and see what's inside my empty head! Todays post was a poem about my Lil' Blu.

    Love the picture of Jon, you did a fantastic job!

  3. That's a might high word count for not having anything in your head. I'm so glad to hear that you didn't pee next to the tea kettle.

  4. *laughing* I lost it at the eating your toast naked bit.

    I think we all have days when nothing comes to mind that we'd want to hit the 'publish' button over. You've now verified that thinking....LOL Yup--I'm fairly sure it was the naked, eating lemon marmalade on toast scootched to the edge to oblige the cat who couldn't be disturbed, dontchaknow bit.
    Ohmygosh.......AND you hit 'publish'. LOL
    You're a brave man. I've decided!

  5. Now that I am finished laughing I can tell you what I was laughing about. You are a brave soul for trying to share a chair with a cat (even if it is the gentle Bonnie) when you a have no clothes on. I am sorry but I have to laugh some more.

  6. I can't think back to when I've enjoyed a 'non-post' more.

  7. A man of few words does well.

  8. I knew when I saw the post title that you would find lots to talk about, and I was right. Now stop talking rubbish, of course you're enjoying doing your book, it's going to be a real hit. Please don't forget I want a signed copy. BTW I like the picture of John, good idea of yours to offer your artistic services.

  9. I worried that you did not seem to get dressed between eating toast and taking Sadie for a walk! I really like your art work.

  10. Could I book your artistic services please. I need some lessons on how to paint and draw a picture.

  11. I haven't laffed so much
    'nothing very much'
    in ages!:-)


  12. You are a very funny man. I should definitely read your blog more often!

    I just have one other thing to say: why is it that men can never spread butter unless it is already soft? I bet you most women can do it!

  13. Toast in bed is not a good idea unless it is laundry time immediately following. You'll get the book think figured out.