Tuesday 12 June 2012

The Parachute Training School.

Well that was a nice little break. I would have liked just a little bit longer, but I have been getting pleading emails for me to come back, and, well, you know me by now, I hate to think of any of you suffering. Also there may just have been in the back of my paranoid mind, a tiny element of wanting to know how much you love me, about the whole thing. I am not prepared though to admit that outright.

But all that aside, my short blogging break was not spent idly. Oh no. I have been busy indeed, and having a very exciting time.


This is my new shirt. Can you see what the badge is? Yes that's right the Parachute Training School. The Number One Parachute Training School. Brize Norton is where the Parachute Regiment do their training. Very elite. About a hundred miles from where I live. Not too far for me to travel.
I am so pleased I went ahead with my breast enlargement operation. The results speak for themselves. 

These shirts are not given away lightly. They have to be earned. The winged parachute is a proud badge, and I will wear it proudly.

What you have to do is ten, yes ten, parachute jumps, over the course of five days. Not only that but four of these jumps are free fall. If you open the 'chute too soon, that is a fail, and no badge. Also you have to try and stay on your feet as you land. Really difficult, and scary stuff. But of course the instructors are experts at what they do, and soon weed out those not cut out for it.

I really need to work on losing my fat gut too.
That is why dear friends I shall feel so proud to wear the shirt in public. People shall look at me wearing it, and think: "Wow, what an action man!"

Apart from getting this great shirt, what else have I been up to? Well my roof repairs are in hand, thank goodness. Although the rain, the flipping incessant rain, the bloody rain, the wet rain, keeps stopping me from completing that job. But I am quietly confident that my repairs will finally solve the leak problems.

I have still got a bit of work to do inside the wagon as well, but I am getting there slowly. The leaking roof does hinder a bit in this respect.

My extremely handsome son George and I, with Sadie the German Shepherd, have been on a few nature walks, when the weather has permitted. I love to spend time with my boy. We found an Orchid on one of our walks. Such a sense of achievement.

Oh yes, and I went to a car boot sale. I love car boot sales. Some good bargains to be had. I was looking for some material to make curtains, but no luck in that respect.

However it was not a complete waste of time, because that is where I got the shirt from. The shirt with the Parachute Training School badge. A wonderful find!

What? Oh come on now! I never implied any such thing! You didn't really think I'd been hurling myself out of aircraft, did you? At my age!

It's good to be back!

19 comments:

  1. Hmm I wonder if John knows there's a fraudster on his blog? I wonder if I should ring the blogger police and get him removed before John finds out. I'd hate him to be upset while he's having a nice a break. He's a good man; he could do without upsets of this kind. Oh dear, decision, decisions...

    (welcome back, you old fraud)

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  2. Haha John. I sort of expected some such tomfoolery, but I wasn't sure you'd fess up. Over here, you know, it's the lament of the Arkansas Traveler. "When the sun shines the roof don't leak, and when it rains I can't fix it."

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  3. I knew the photo wasn't you....no pipe or penny whistle!
    Jane x

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  4. Hmmm, you got me. You had me going there for a while. How nice to be spending time with your extremely handsome son George. I think he's around the same age as my lad, 17. Only one more year at school and growing up fast, so I'm making the most of the time he wants to spend as a family now. All too often he's got other things planned now and doesn't come on outings with us.

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  5. Please explain to me what a boot sale is. As I understand it a boot is the same thing as what we call the trunk of a car. Someone selling merchandise from the trunk of a car is probably trying to unload stolen goods. So is a boot sale what I described or a type of yard sale or flea market or what?

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    1. I suppose a car boot sale is similar to a flea market. The sellers pay about £5 to sell their stuff. Most car boot organisers do not allow new stuff to be sold. Probably to avoid stolen goods being sold. They are extremely popular here. Anyone with a spare piece of ground has the potential to make some money by holding one.

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  6. I wonder what happened to the original owner of the shirt; there might be an interesting story there.

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  7. Welcome back... Shh, no need to appologize, I missed you too!
    I knew it was probably just a test to see "who loves ya baby"!

    You had me going with your parachute training, I was very impressed with your adventurous spirit at "your age"!
    I bow to you O Master of Bullshit! ;)

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  8. Your adoring followers are thrilled to have you back, John! Good to see that you are aware of your moral duty to keep your readers informed of what is happening at the Bain residence. I'm glad you have not been idle while away! Once again welcome back. The blogging world is not the same without you! Of course you knew that any way!

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  9. Wow John you did it oops maybe not but you tried I am so impressed:)
    I love your shirt and I did not read the last few lines so I am impressed that you would hurl yourself out a plane on to the cold hard sounds like damp ground.
    It is nice to have you back. I need to laugh. Life is to full of stuff.
    You tried :) B

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  10. Thank goodness you are back. I put an advert on the internet asking for an artist to entertain me with his penny whistle because I was missing you. You just would not believe some of the replys I got !!! I was shocked when I read them, even after I had read them a dozen times I was still a bit shocked.

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  11. Welcome back. I was totally buying your line of...um, I mean your magnificently exciting story about earning that shirt.

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  12. I looked close at that shirt and thought, he must have bought that at a car boot type of thingy because of the few stains on it. I knew if you jumped out of a plane, you wouldn't accept that as your prize. It was a great story anyway and that's what I've missed. I was actually thinking of you this morning wondering how long you could stay away from us. Mmmmm, missed us too, huh?

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    1. Yes I did miss you all. I suppose someone had to notice it was an elderly shirt, what with the paint stains. I thought the frayed neck might be more noticeable. The shirts neck I mean, not mine.

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  13. Your new boobies look mighty fine atop that parachute badge of yours! and then my jaw dropped when you 'found' the shirt, the nerve! As a professional parachuter myself, I am appalled at these fables! Parachuting is almost as noble as being knighted.... which I also am, a knight.
    A female knight. ... Sir. La Mode Operandi....

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  14. You've got me rolling with that new breasts enlargement part..I was also impressed with your parachute jumping until it is unfold..

    In any case, glad you're back after a blog break, and BTW--my roof is leaking too..When you are done, let me know, I will fly you over to fix mine :-)

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  15. You had me fooled. I'm such a sucker.

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  16. You had me a bit fooled too :-). Glad you're back. Nice to know you missed us too much to stay away too long :-)

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  17. Yeah, I'm a sucker too. I was just composing a comment in my head to say how the last thing in the universe I would want to do is hurl myself from a plane. But it's a good idea to go to car boot sales and get teeshirts for things we have no intention of doing. Make a whole lot of interesting friends that way who think they have found a kindred spirit! :D

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