If you, dear reader, were to approach me with a problem, I have no doubt that I would be able to help you, advise you, make you feel a little better about things. Even if only in a small way. In fact this is the way I get myself through problems, giving myself advice, giving myself a talking to if required. Giving myself the proverbial kick up the backside. Not that this always works!
But the truth is, I am not confident. Never have been. The truth is, I find life a struggle. Emotionally in particular. Apart from my extremely handsome son George, I find it hard to think why anyone would like me as a person. Let alone love me!
How I wish I could say, this is just me, having a bad day. But I can't say that. Because I know who I really am, and now so do you!
Oh John I do understand this I think anyone that has had some kind of trauma in their childhood is always going to carry this around.
ReplyDeleteI am very confident on the outside when I need to be but my insides are usually shaking like jello and self doubt it is always there. I hope someday it will disappear. I must say My Hero certainly helps me.Your handsome son George is not the only one. Take care John. B
John, we know who you are from what you write.... and what you don't write.If we didn't like you...we wouldn't be here.
ReplyDeleteJane x
'Apart from my extremely handsome son George, I find it hard to think why anyone would like me as a person. Let alone love me!'
ReplyDeleteWell you'd better start believing it 'cause it's true. As one who struggles with a lack confidence I know how you feel, what you see outside isn't necessarily what goes on inside. But you know what, it's probably better than being over-confident.
I think you would find some of your blogger friends to feel pretty much the same way. I did (and still do to some degree). But blogging and meeting people from all over has really helped. I feel connected to others, even if I don't know them personally. To me blogging is a safe place to show your feelings and emotions when friends in our 'real world' would not understand. So feel what you need to and blog on my friend. We like you because of it.
ReplyDeleteI read your post and all the comments here. Great advice! I don't know if what I say will add any comfort to what they have already said, but know your blogging friends are out here LIKING you and SUPPORTING you. We're always pretty good at being there for others, I often wonder why it's so hard to give ourselves a damned good pat on the back for doing the best we can. We've all done something in our past that we wished we hadn't, none of us are perfect, but we all need to be a bit kinder to ourselves, and if we can't do that when needed, then know this John, you are very well liked and thought of a lot by your blogging pals, me included, please know that.
ReplyDeleteJohn, you have become a worthy man in spite of the traumatic childhood you endured. If you were to hear the same story from another man and see all that he accomplished in his life (such as raising a normal Extremely Handsome Son), you would congratulate him heartily. Try to take a step away from yourself and be logical. You know it's true. When these bits of depression attack you, you have rolled with them and then moved on. I have no doubt that you will do the same now. Wouldn't it be nice if a cola or cup of coffee would be the final cure for you? Wallow for a bit and then pat yourself on the back and say, "Congratulations, John!"
ReplyDeleteI don't think I can add anything that hasn't already been said. This too shall pass and you will again feel your confidence
ReplyDeleteJohn, after reading your post and then the comments left, I can so identify with many. Outwardly, I may look confident, but usually my stomach is churning inside when faced with hard decisions. All of us have some insecurities in our lives, perhaps you have just been a bit more honest.
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone in the way you feel. I think a lot of us appear confident but inside we struggle to believe in ourselves. I know I certainly do. Well, not so much when I was younger, but as I've got older and learned so much more about life, so my confidence in my own ability to deal with it and to be loved for who I am has waned. I think you're a good man, though.
ReplyDeleteI think we are all this way. Confident on the outside, but with part frightened little kid looking out.
ReplyDeleteYou are an extremely funny and likeable emotional man. I can very much identify with your sentiments on not being confident. Except for my family and a few close friends I feel uncomfortable around people. I really enjoy your posts and get a great lift from reading your witty and heartfelt ramblings! Keep at it as you make the world a richer place!
ReplyDeleteYour artistic temperament is susceptible to an emotional side. The cultural expectation for men to be strong and always confident is silly. You are human. And a nice one as far as I can tell.
ReplyDelete