What Rubbish This Is. Or Garbage. Trash Even.

I so want to write something profound and inciteful, but I am tired. Oh blimey! A red line under the word inciteful. Why is that I wonder? I shall look in my dictionary........

Inciteful ain't in my dictionary. How odd. I'm pretty sure it's a proper word. My dictionary is no good. What's the point of a dictionary if it doesn't have every word in it? I bet Samuel Johnson wouldn't approve. Was it Johnson or Johnston? I can't remember. I bet he's turning in his grave! Unless he was cremated! In which case he wouldn't have that option. When I finally pop my clogs I want to be buried in a roomy coffin just in case something upsets me so much that I want to turn in annoyance.

I was so hungry this evening that I made myself a big meal. I had one of those Fray Bentos pies. Do you know them? They come in a round tin and you have to take the top off with a tin opener and put it in the oven. The pie, not the top, or the tin opener come to think of it. I know I shall put a picture of the lid on here. Hang on a minute while I get it out of the bin. Actually I say bin, but to be precise it isn't in the bin. I put my rubbish in a plastic carrier bag which hangs on the inside of the under sink cupboard door. I haven't got a bin. What happens is that eventually, when I have stuffed the plastic carrier bag with about six weeks worth of rubbish and the bag has split into several pieces I then spend half a day stuffing all the rubbish back into several hundred other bags which I tend to hoard for just such a situation. There was a time when I invested some money in the purchase of some extra large plastic bags, the type designed especially for household rubbish. This was a waste of time because they were too big to hang inside the under sink cupboard and I ended up with a rubbish bag half the size of a house spilling excess rubbish on the kitchen floor. And being as it was too heavy to carry I had to decant it all into smaller bags anyway.

My rubbish problem was solved for a while when I had a eureka moment. Why not, I thought, why not empty the rubbish bag as soon as it was full? Brilliant idea even though I do say so myself! I say the problem was solved for a while, which it was, but I am ashamed to say I soon fell back into my old ways. Although it should be said that without my stuff it tight until it bursts method, I might very well be overwhelmed by a very large pile of plastic carrier bags. So you see, it ain't all bad!

Where was I? Oh yes. That Fray Bentos pie. It was steak and kidney by the way. It is supposed to serve four people. I ate the whole pie myself. In one go. With a great heap of mashed potatoes and a tin of peas. I didn't eat the tin of peas. Naturally I emptied the peas out and threw the tin into the rubbish. I say threw, but as you are now aware what I actually did was, I stuffed it into the plastic carrier bag which hangs on the inside of the under sink cupboard door.

So I would like to apologise for being too tired to write anything tonight. Too tired, or possibly too full of pie and mashed potatoes and peas. Oh and before dinner because I was so hungry I also ate six jam doughnuts. I am absolutely stuffed. A bit like one of my plastic carrier bags. You know. The ones I put my rubbish in.