Thursday 13 June 2013

What Rubbish This Is. Or Garbage. Trash Even.

I so want to write something profound and inciteful, but I am tired. Oh blimey! A red line under the word inciteful. Why is that I wonder? I shall look in my dictionary........

Inciteful ain't in my dictionary. How odd. I'm pretty sure it's a proper word. My dictionary is no good. What's the point of a dictionary if it doesn't have every word in it? I bet Samuel Johnson wouldn't approve. Was it Johnson or Johnston? I can't remember. I bet he's turning in his grave! Unless he was cremated! In which case he wouldn't have that option. When I finally pop my clogs I want to be buried in a roomy coffin just in case something upsets me so much that I want to turn in annoyance.

I was so hungry this evening that I made myself a big meal. I had one of those Fray Bentos pies. Do you know them? They come in a round tin and you have to take the top off with a tin opener and put it in the oven. The pie, not the top, or the tin opener come to think of it. I know I shall put a picture of the lid on here. Hang on a minute while I get it out of the bin. Actually I say bin, but to be precise it isn't in the bin. I put my rubbish in a plastic carrier bag which hangs on the inside of the under sink cupboard door. I haven't got a bin. What happens is that eventually, when I have stuffed the plastic carrier bag with about six weeks worth of rubbish and the bag has split into several pieces I then spend half a day stuffing all the rubbish back into several hundred other bags which I tend to hoard for just such a situation. There was a time when I invested some money in the purchase of some extra large plastic bags, the type designed especially for household rubbish. This was a waste of time because they were too big to hang inside the under sink cupboard and I ended up with a rubbish bag half the size of a house spilling excess rubbish on the kitchen floor. And being as it was too heavy to carry I had to decant it all into smaller bags anyway.



My rubbish problem was solved for a while when I had a eureka moment. Why not, I thought, why not empty the rubbish bag as soon as it was full? Brilliant idea even though I do say so myself! I say the problem was solved for a while, which it was, but I am ashamed to say I soon fell back into my old ways. Although it should be said that without my stuff it tight until it bursts method, I might very well be overwhelmed by a very large pile of plastic carrier bags. So you see, it ain't all bad!

Where was I? Oh yes. That Fray Bentos pie. It was steak and kidney by the way. It is supposed to serve four people. I ate the whole pie myself. In one go. With a great heap of mashed potatoes and a tin of peas. I didn't eat the tin of peas. Naturally I emptied the peas out and threw the tin into the rubbish. I say threw, but as you are now aware what I actually did was, I stuffed it into the plastic carrier bag which hangs on the inside of the under sink cupboard door.

So I would like to apologise for being too tired to write anything tonight. Too tired, or possibly too full of pie and mashed potatoes and peas. Oh and before dinner because I was so hungry I also ate six jam doughnuts. I am absolutely stuffed. A bit like one of my plastic carrier bags. You know. The ones I put my rubbish in.





14 comments:

  1. John, only you can talk rubbish with such flair. I'll let you know when I stop laughing.

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  2. I totally agree with Valerie above.
    The rubbish that you write is quite enjoyable.

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  3. in·sight·ful (n-stfl, nst-)
    adj.
    Showing or having insight; perceptive.
    in·sightful·ly adv.
    in·sightful·ness n.

    oops Even though I retired today, the teacher is still coming out in me.

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    1. Thanks Deb, the word just wouldn't come to me correctly but I really was very 'tired'.

      I wish you a long and happy retirement.

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  4. I need to know something. We do not eat steak and kidney pie in most places in the United States. Is it really made with steak and kidneys? I have often wondered.

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    1. Yes Emma it really is made with steak and kidneys. I genuinely like this particular brand which has a puff pastry top, but I prefer the home made steak and kidney pie with a shortcrust pastry.
      Thank you for all your comments Emma I do appreciate and enjoy them so much.
      John.

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  5. we don't have that steak and kidney pie here. We do have rubbish though and I tend to let the bags overflow a bit before replacing them

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  6. I'm finding it difficult to use plastic bags for my rubbish now because we have to pay for them now in Northern Ireland

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  7. I have NEVER heard such rubbish from you John :-) You even make rubbish sound good. Now the pie, not so much.

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  8. Valerie said it best and she is way more talented than me so I will not even try to top it. Hope you have a great weekend my friend.

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  9. And now we know that both are properly stuffed, John, the rubbish and yourself. I would have to pass on canned anything for dinner.

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  10. Delightful. Jon, I'm afraid rubbish bags are punishment for those of us without the sense to build our kitchens over a ravine.

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  11. I love Fray Bentos tin pies but they're always a pain in the arse to get opened up and dished out.

    And don't get me on the subject of Goblin tinned steak and kidney pudding.

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  12. Interesting Brit meal. The flavor for one thing. The container for another.

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