Tears came this morning as I drove home from the shops. Filled my eyes so bad that I had to pull over. I was thinking of my brother Victor and was overcome with sadness that he is gone.
Nearly twenty years since he died and still it hits me. Out of the blue too. Something must trigger the sad thoughts but I'm buggered if I know what.
What with our dysfunctional family background and all I didn't even get to know him that well. He was seven years older than me. I can only remember fleeting memories of him from my childhood.
He came to visit me once when I was with foster parents, He was a merchant seaman at the time. He bought me a fantastic racing bike. Hand built it was and as light as a feather. I say he bought it, but that's not strictly true. He got it on hire purchase. Vic's idea of hire purchase was, pay a couple of quid down and then change your address. He was a bit of a rogue, my brother was.
Then there was another load of years went by before I saw him again. This time he was in the army. RAOC. Royal Army Ordinance Corp it stands for. I think they deal with purchasing and paying out wages, things like that. He was a barman in the officers mess. The uniform was splendid. (it was safe to wear army uniform when off duty in those days). RAOC. He used to wear his uniform to the local dance hall. Told the girls that RAOC stood for Royal Army Oversea's Commando. The girls loved him. He was a bit of a lad, my brother was.
Always working he was. Hard worker too. He loved to make money. Never passed up the chance to earn a few bob. Multi talented. Turn his hand to anything he would.
He was only 34 when he had his first heart attack. At 41 he had a by-pass operation. They said it would give him another ten years. And that's what he got .Exactly ten years and then he died. 51. It's no age really is it?
He was a real character my brother Vic. I miss him being there. Sometimes, like this morning, I get really sad and the tears come.