Tuesday, 16 April 2013

Andy Fairweather-Lowe

Don't ask me why but I found myself watching the golf on TV the other day. Oh I just remembered why! There was a red button icon in the corner of the TV screen. It said Amen Corner Live. Oh I thought, I used to like that group. So I pressed the red button on my remote control, quite excited at the prospect of listening to Andy Fairweather-Lowe singing live, even though, I thought to myself (who else would I think it too), crikey, he must be getting on a bit?

There was no Andy Fairweather-Lowe singing, there was no Amen Corner playing. What a disappointment. What there was was golf. Was was. Was was. How funny two was's together. doesn't look right does it? But there it is nonetheless. Anyway I digress. So it turns out that Amen Corner is the name of one of the holes on this particular golf course. At least that's what I think it is. I could be wrong. I am on rare occasions.

So I'm sitting there watching the golf. No not really, what I'm doing is I'm looking at the women watching the golf. Checking them out. There are some good looking women there and I think, (to myself again), if all those women like to follow the golf, maybe I should take up the sport myself. I mean some of those women spectators are hot and obviously like to watch a man swinging his club. Or maybe they just like to see all those balls being given a good hard whack. Possibly a mixture of both. So I'm thinking, hey, if I take up golf I could score, and not just on the golf course, if you get my drift. Listen I'm sorry about this, I seem a bit obsessed with the opposite sex at the moment. At the moment haha. It seems never ending. Getting older doesn't seem to have caused my interest to wane.

So I start to watch some of the golfers playing. I do this so that when I do get onto the golf course I can at least pretend to know what I'm doing.

The trouble is I find, that these golfers are too good at it. They only need to hit the ball a few times and it is in the hole. Boring, boring , boring. I can't see myself taking it up seriously. Not until they devise a way of making it more exciting.

Thoroughly bored now and the cameraman isn't pointing his lens at any attractive women, so I switch channels. There is a rugby match on. That is a lot more exciting. They play it with an oval shaped ball and nobody ever really knows for sure which way an oval shaped ball is going to bounce.

And that is when I had my eureka moment. The way to make golf a hell of a lot more exciting. Play it with oval shaped golf balls! Although I say it myself, the idea is brilliant. Nobody would ever know where the ball will end up. I expect mostly in the rough. All that dense undergrowth and bushes. When a ball got lost some of the women spectators could go into the bushes to help look for it. There you are you see, all that extra excitement, just because of odd shaped balls. This could catch on. If it does I hope people remember whose brilliant idea it was. This time next year I could be a millionaire!

Now if you will excuse me I am off to see if I can Find Andy Fairweather-Lowe and Amen Corner on Youtube before I get too wide eyed and legless. Do you see what I did there?


  1. Amen to that! Your sports-improvement ideas are genius, John.

  2. March yourself over to the Copyright Office right away and file your idea before it's snatched up by someone else.

  3. I got interrupted three times whilst reading... now I'm out of time. Will be back to digest....

  4. Golf is for the rich and fees are absurd here in N Z. I wish you luck on your idea and hope you make your fortune. What bloke isn't obsessed?