In Case You Think I Forgot, Happy Saint Valentines Day

Women eh? Valentine’s Day eh? God love ‘em! They want taking out for a romantic meal bless ‘em. What is a romantic meal by the way? Is it sitting opposite each other talking a load of luvvy-duvvy nonsense with your gob full of expensive food and drinking wine that tastes of vinegar? Is it? What’s the point of that? You tell me.

I did it once. I’ll never forget it. Spent the whole time thinking how much it was costing. Not that I’m mean or anything but what we had to eat that night wouldn’t have satisfied a starving sparrow. I had to get her to cook me bacon and eggs when we got back to her place. Delicious. She could cook fine.

She had all the facilities there. In her own kitchen! There was absolutely no reason at all for her spending all her hard-earned money in an expensive restaurant. Women eh? Oh well, if it made her happy.

Our romance didn’t last after that. I don’t know why? Something about me not giving her flowers. Flowers? She had her own garden! Women eh? Oh, and a Valentines card. I never sent her one. She got right stroppy about that. Went right off her head ‘cos I never sent her a bit of cardboard with a heart on it! Women eh?

I’m still single. I don’t know why? I always try my best.