Things To Tell You.

Hello again.

The heatwave has disappeared and it took my lethargy with it. This means I am feeling back to my usual happy self. Well mostly. The sun has shrunk the fabric on my wagon's roof and with the onset of rain I am left with a legacy of more leaks. Legacy of leaks? Doesn't that sound pretentious? Why can't I just say the roof is leaking? Pretentious? What am I like eh? The forecast is for more sun and heat on Thursday (tomorrow) and if it dries things out enough I shall have to sort the roof out yet again. I suspect this will be an ongoing task. A bit like painting the Forth Bridge. In case you don't know about the Forth Bridge it is in Scotland. The painters used to get to one end and immediately have to start painting all over again. I think this doesn't happen nowadays. Some clever person invented a paint that lasts for about fifteen years. I suppose this is a good thing, but I can't help worrying about all those poor painters with nothing to do! It's in my nature you know. I am a very caring chap.

The Forth Bridge

I shall take this opportunity to update you my lovely readers on whats been happening around here lately.

The best news is that my extremely handsome son George who starts university in September, has been awarded a scholarship. He was nominated for it by his college teacher and hooray success! I am so proud of  EHS he just gets quietly on with things, with no fuss or bother. He was a bit put out to discover that the majority of the money award needs to be put towards his education though. He was hoping to buy a boat! This scholarship will go an awful long way to making his student loan more affordable.

EHS George's mum Tricia  has been selected to be a parliamentary candidate at the next general election in 2015. To be honest I'm not sure what this involves, but there is a chance she could become an MP. Blimey! I tell you what, she would be a very good one too. Whether it will be in this area we don't know. I suppose the powers that be need to try and ensure their candidates have a good chance of winning their seats so they will choose on that basis. Yaay! Tricia for Prime Minister!

You might recall that Christian Grey the cockerel met a sad end at the hands... in the teeth actually, of a fox. One of the hens, namely Miss White was incubating eggs at the time and I expressed scepticism as to whether they were fertile. This was because I had not seen Christian Grey doing the business. The good news is that Miss White successfully hatched out four chicks. This was about two weeks ago and so far they are thriving. This is Christian Grey's legacy. There is that word legacy again. I think it's justified this time though.

Miss White and chicks. It is difficult to get a good picture because she is so protective.

Finally today, here is a song I have written. It still needs a bit of work but I hope you like it.

Take care of yourselves. I hope to be back soon.

Dog Cat Fish.

There is a reason why I haven't been in touch with you too often recently. It is that I have been feeling unwell quite a lot. This is making me tired and I am being lazy. It is not just the blogging that has fallen by the wayside, I haven't done much of anything else either to be honest with you.

Yesterday I woke up and knew I was in for another feeling kind of blurgh kind of day. I don't know what is causing this to happen. My blood tests showed high levels of cholesterol but apart from that all my vital bits are working OK and blood pressure is good. I haven't heard anything from the doctor regarding the ECG test so presume no news is good news. But still the bad days continue to happen. Maybe I am simply growing old? Oh and the doctor wanted to put me on cholesterol busting statins but I tried them once before and they didn't agree with me. So I have changed my diet instead, and am trying to avoid too much sweet stuff and fatty stuff and especially hydrogenated vegetable oil. Oat bran, that is my secret weapon against cholesterol. It seems to be working. I have already lost weight after just one week. You might notice how skinny I look in the attached video. Don't be concerned though ladies I still have the physique of a young Adonis.

Anyway as I say yesterday I didn't feel too good to start with. And then at about midday I suddenly realised that I was feeling well again. I have no idea why. One minute I am down and the next I'm feeling great and back to my old self. Inexplicable! Or is it? Just before this sudden resurgence back to my fully potent sexually charged self I wrote this silly song, and my extremely handsome son George filmed me singing it.

It was after this that I began to feel better. In fact I felt so much better that I went to an open mic event last night. If you could have seen me dancing on the stage you would have thought, 'how can he say he doesn't feel well?'

I still feel good this morning. Maybe I should write another silly song. In fact I am thinking that instead of writing the next blog post I might sing it instead. What do you think of that idea? Don't answer that, I am joking. Or am I?

I do hope I find you well today, and I hope this feeling of well being continues for me. I will be back soon. There is lots to tell you.

Cholesterol. The Bad Stuff Is Too High.

Just to let you know that I am fine. The recent blood test showed a dangerously high level of cholesterol. I am actively working to get this down. I had the ECG yesterday and am awaiting the results. Things like this need to be addressed because of a family history of heart trouble. Not that I consider myself to have a bad heart. In fact I consider myself to be very healthy for my age.

However there have been times in the past when my heart has been broken. But this seems to be part of life's rich tapestry. I expect I have broken a few hearts myself too, what with me being so attractive to the opposite sex.

Talking about the opposite sex, you should have seen the nurse who did my ECG test. Absolutely gorgeous she is! She couldn't understand why my blood pressure was so high, because it was normal when the doctor took a reading last week. I could have explained that it was because I found her so sexually alluring, but didn't really think it was the time or the place. Obviously I didn't really fancy the doctor!

There are lots of things to tell you about, but they must be for next time. I am quite busy at the moment. Also we are in the midst of a heatwave here in Blighty and it is making me lethargic.

Thank you for the kind and reassuring comments. I will be back soon.

These Are (Blood) Testing Times.

She said, the nurse that is, when I had my blood test, she said that if they had any concerns about the results they would phone me in a couple of days. I didn't give it a moments thought. Well you don't do you? Everything is always all right isn't it? So I was a bit taken by surprise when there was a message left a couple of days later asking me to phone the surgery.

I did phone them back, I spoke to the receptionist. She said the doctor wants me to have an ECG. I think that's what they call it. They wire you up to a machine and it tests your heart.but there isn't an appointment available until next Thursday! After I have had the test then the doctor will see me. Well that didn't seem quite right to me so I said I'd like to see the doctor before the test. You know, because I'm curious about what her concerns are. I'm seeing her, the doctor that is, on Monday. In the meantime I have had a nice few days pretending that I'm not worried, and still have the weekend to pretend a bit more.

Me worried? No of course not. I mean what can they tell from a blood test? However I have now managed to convince myself that I could possibly drop dead from a heart attack at any moment. I know this is a psychological thing, but today I started to feel unwell. With the same symptoms that caused me to visit the doctor in the first place! How weird is that?

One of the main things that is occupying my mind right now is that I am in one of my periods of doubting the existence of God. I have been having these doubts quite a lot lately, and they upset me. They upset me because I do think that faith is important. Of course it doesn't have to be a religious faith, although that is what most people have. It could be a faith in anything. Like nature for instance. Or a football team. Or a group of close friends. Does that sound blasphemous? I don't mean it too.

What I'm trying to say in my long winded way, is that I don't want to die just at this time of no faith. I mean suppose there is a place called heaven and I miss out on my chance to get there because I am in the process of questioning the existence of God? Not that it is a forgone conclusion I would be going there anyway, but just in case there is. I could end up in hell I suppose, but to be honest that prospect doesn't bother me at all. Perhaps I have it in mind that if there is no God then why would there be a devil? After all they are supposed to be the two opposing forces in religious matters.

I console myself during these Doubting Thomas moments by remembering that I do believe in Jesus Christ. His existence has been proved to my satisfaction. But was he the son of God? How can I possibly think that? After all I don't believe in God right now.

So I am left with these conclusions. I am going to drop dead. There will be no call to heaven. I shall simply turn to dust and return to nature.

Or on the more positive side of things: There is nothing wrong with my heart. The doctor is just making an excuse to see me, because she actually fancies the pants off me!

Have a lovely weekend

Keep In Touch. Drop Me A Line

Hello. It's been a while. I am going to ramble on a bit in this post, because I am having trouble getting my brain into gear. How are you? Seriously I mean it. I would like to know. No really I mean it. OK I admit I only this second thought of asking the question, but I am going to run with it. So how are you? Feeling good or feeling bad? You can tell me. I'm a good listener.

I would invite you to send me an email but, do you see that email address up there on the right? Yes that's it johnbain@googlemail.com. Well sadly I don't have a clue about how to go about retrieving any mail sent to that address. It's crazy isn't it?. I never chose that address, or even asked for it. Or maybe I did without realising it. For all I know some of you might already have sent emails to it. If you have and are wondering why you have not received a reply, that's the reason. I can't find them. That and possibly the fact that when it comes to computers I am as thick as two short planks. Two very very short thick planks sawn from the densest tree in the forest. That's how thick I am. I don't care who knows it either. I'm just too thick to care!

I have several other email addresses also, but sadly I can't remember what they are or why I have them. In the far recesses of my memory the word hotmail tries desperately to get noticed, but to no avail. I can only apologise to all you lovely people out there, especially the ladies, who have sent emails expressing your deep love and yearning for me. Believe me I am heartbroken at missing all the opportunities to get to know you better. In the meantime all I can suggest is that you use the comments section at the bottom of this page to let me know your feelings.

Not much has been happening these last few days whilst I have been away from my blog. I cannot even use the excuse of being too busy. Because I haven't been.

Oh the fox came again. In broad daylight. Took Mr Christian Grey. Rushed in, grabbed him and took off. Tricia saw the whole thing. She was extremely upset. So the three hens, Miss White, Miss Grey (no relation) and Miss Brown are now widowed. Very sad. Miss White is broody and is incubating nine eggs. Whether or not they are fertile though I do not know. Mr Christian Grey wasn't, despite his name, the most amorous of cockerels. I ever only saw him doing the business once. Although he may have been shy and kept his lovemaking secret and in the hen house, the same as I do. Keep it secret I mean. I do not make love in the hen house. Well not since I was a teenager, and me and Mary Brown we... Hey it was raining. The hen house was empty. No hen's were traumatised! Look it was only the once OK. Her dad caught us. I ain't never run so fast in my life. It ain't easy jumping a barbed wire fence with your trousers around your ankles! Anyway we shall see if any chicks hatch out. R I P old cock.

This morning early I visited the doctor's surgery. Actually I went to see the nurse. Nice looking woman. Obviously fancied me a lot. I can always tell. She wanted a sample of my blood. Not wishing to disappoint I let her have a whole armful, which hopefully will keep her happy for a couple of years at least. She never even gave me a biscuit or a lollipop for being a brave boy. It was quite painful when she stuck the needle in. I kicked up a bit of a fuss. She said I shouldn't be upset about having a little prick! It's easy for her to say. To be honest I did feel a prick though. I quite often do.

I got the old tractor running today. And I mended the lawn mower. Again! And I fixed a leak in the brake fluid reservoir thingy in my campervan. My friend Simon came to help me. He is a mechanical genius. I don't mean Simon is mechanical. He isn't a robot. I mean he is very good at fixing mechanical things such as engines. You could say he's a mechanic. Except he is actually a carpenter. I wonder if he could make an engine out of wood? That would be interesting. Probably too much friction involved. All those bits of wood rubbing together might cause a fire. Could sell the idea to boy scout groups perhaps. They like causing fire by rubbing sticks together.

My extremely handsome son George has gone away for a week. He is camping with his friends. He actually can make fire by rubbing two sticks together. Not that he needs to. He took a lighter with him. But if he lost the lighter and found himself cold and hungry at the top of a mountain in Scotland he would be able to light a fire. Provided he had some sticks with him that is. There tends to be a scarcity of tree's in the high mountains. This is the reason lot's of people freeze to death up there. No matches and no tree's to make matches with. I am not concerned because EHS George hasn't gone to Scotland. Anyway he has got a lighter and a spare in case he loses one. God knows what he will do if he loses the spare one. I suppose he will have to resort to rubbing two sticks together. He knows how to do that. I may already have said.

The next time you look in perhaps I shall have something interesting to say. I do hope so. This rambling on has given me a headache. Goodness only knows what it has done to you. Thank you for sticking with it till the end though. I can't believe you kept on reading.

Good night. God bless.

A Bit Of A Mishmash. With Liver And Potatoes.

Once again my mind is a blank page. Nothing in there of note at all. To tell you the truth I don't even know why I started to write, maybe as is usual when this happens I am just hoping something will transpire. Hmm I need to look up that word. Not too sure about it.

 Transpire: Turns out to be unnecessary and maybe even wrong. According to my dictionary I should use 'occur' or 'happen'. And of course the dictionary is right. I do have a tendency to use longer and more complicated words than are actually required. It isn't an affectation (oh blimey there's another one) it is just the way my mind works. It might be from me being mainly self taught in writing and wanting to get things right and over doing it a bit. As it happens my use of the long word is frequently wrong. Although as I get older I am a wee bit more circumspect (oh for heaven's sake, here I go again) regarding what word to use where. Excuse me while I look up circumspect. It seems I got it right that time, but 'cautious' would have been more appropriate. And shorter.

Sadie the German Shepherd and I slept in the campervan last night. It was something I had planned to do, and definitely not because I'd had a drink or two. Definitely! I don't mean I had planned to sleep with Sadie by the way, I mean I had planned to sleep in the campervan.

We shared the bed her and I. Do you know we have lived together for at least seven years and never slept in the same bed, well not at the same time anyway. She was a surprisingly quiet bedmate. It is a big bed and after we had a cuddle and I had drunkenly declared how much I loved her, she took herself to the other side of the bed, curled up and went to sleep. Come to think of it my ex wife used to do that when I'd had a drink!

I have just remembered I bought Sadie a new bed last week. £45 it cost me. It was in the van too. What does she think she is up to sleeping in my bed. What a cheek, taking advantage of a slightly, very slightly, tipsy bloke!

The pub I was in last night is great. It is a new Open Mic with Sedge and John venue. I stayed in the bar with a few other hardy souls long after everyone else had taken themselves off home. But now here is something remarkable. At 1.30 in the morning I was feeling very hungry and jokingly asked the landlord if I could have a meal, never expecting for one moment that he would agree. He cooked me a meal! 1.30 AM! Liver and bacon and mashed potatoes and pea's. Astonishing! Remarkable! Delicious! Ian and Patricia, that's the hosts. King Beach Hotel, Pagham, West Sussex. In case you are ever in the area. Lovely people indeed. And they let me park in their car park overnight. It's a hotel remember.

Yola, my lovely neighbour works with people with learning difficulties. Maybe it's called special needs these days, I can't remember. They keep changing it. It used to be mentally handicapped. I shall settle for special needs for now and hope no one gets offended. Anyway Yola is having a camp out with some special needs youngsters and has asked me if I will join them and play some songs around the campfire. I said yes, but now I am a nervous wreck because I am a crap guitarist. All I can do now is practice a bit harder and sort out some camp fire songs. I shall be OK once I get going. Actually as I write these words I find myself quite looking forward to it. How strange.

That's it for now. I'm off. It is 8.30 PM. Thank you for listening. Bye for now.