Saturday 11 August 2012

He's Not Talking To Me.

"Hallo mate. How are you?" Comes the effusive greeting from behind me. I turn to answer. Remembering to switch on my number one smile. The dazzling teeth twinkler.

 "I'm fine thanks. How are you...?"

Suddenly I feel a right idiot. How embarrassing. The bloke isn't talking to me at all. There is no one else in the shop within earshot though. The familiar stance of hand glued to ear reveals the truth of the situation. He is talking on his mobile phone.

He gives me a look as if to say what the hell are you looking at, and continues his conversation. He talks at full volume as if he is talking to his deaf old granddad. Not that I know if he does have a granddad deaf or otherwise. Maybe his granddad isn't deaf. Maybe he doesn't have a granddad. Oh now I feel bad. Perhaps his granddad is dead. Maybe his granddad is dead because he was too deaf to hear the bus coming and it ran him over. No that isn't it. He called him mate. Do people call their granddad mate? I didn't. But I didn't have a granddad. Well obviously I did have a granddad. Two of them in fact, but I never knew them. Come to think of it, if I never knew them, I suppose I never had them. Granddads I mean.

Of course it is all supposition. I expect he was speaking to a work colleague, and called him mate, because he couldn't remember his name. Yes that's probably what it was. Phew, I'm glad I got that sorted out.

Utter madness!
....Unless it was his wife he was talking to. It's quite possible. I used to call my ex wife mate when I couldn't remember her name. I still have the scars to prove it. If I remember rightly, it came up in the divorce case. I denied it at the time, but her lawyer caught me out when he asked me in court what her name was. Most unfair. I was very tense and stressed at the time, because I thought the judge might not let the divorce go ahead.

Anyway, whoever the bloke was talking to, why so flipping loud? Why did he have to phone him when he was in the shop? And why did he have to make that call when he was standing right behind the only other customer, me?

It is not the first time it has happened either. It happens all the time these days. Not the same bloke of course. That would be too creepy.

How did people manage before the mobile phone was invented? These days people don't seem to be able to walk down the street without their phone clamped to their ear, and they are probably deep in conversation with someone they were with in person just a few minutes before. At full volume. Why this need to shout for the whole world to hear?

How often have you heard someone say on their phone, "I'll be there in five minutes." Well if you are going to be there in five minutes anyway, what's the point of the call? If you didn't bother with the call, you could probably get there in three minutes!

Have you been on a train lately? You would remember if you had, because all around you the shout will be going up, "I'M ON THE TRAIN." As people feel the need to tell the whole carriage, their loved ones, colleagues, and their deaf granddads, at full volume, that they have accomplished what they set out to do ten minutes earlier, and actually got on the train.

Well you mobile phone addicts had just better be careful and not embarrass me again, because now that I am an old age pensioner, and able to act like a miserable old git, I might just be inclined to grab that phone off you, and shove it right up your.... Oh blast I lost the signal!

12 comments:

  1. That was so funny but I did feel a bit embarassed as I am a bit of a mobile junkie. I dont use it loudly in puplic places though and the people that do annoy me too. You dont need a mobile to annoy me though the two drunk men who stood outside my house at 3am telling each other how they were the best mates anyone could have for half an hour did a pretty good job !

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  2. I hate the flipping things.Restaurant show offs are the worst...everyone is enjoying a nice quiet meal which is interrupted by a loud mouth discussing his latest deal/girlfriend etc etc.
    Jane x

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    1. Forgot to say your header pic is gorgeous.
      Jane x

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  3. Cell phone use is a pet peeve of mine. These phones are valuable tools but their use is abused. So many use them as a baby would use a security blanket. Cell phones keep people from having to be alone. What is wrong with alone time? I liked this post. Is the header painting your Blue Boy?

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    1. The header is my blue girl Emma. It's called 'Girl With Hoop'. Water colour with pastel on paper.

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    2. I am sorry. In my defense it could be either male or female depending on the style of the day.

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  4. You used to be able to tell if someone was crazy because they would talk to themselves. Now, how would you know?

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  5. This is a peeve of mine also.

    You should be a stand-up comic John!:-D)

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  6. I think that's what is called a 'senior moment', John. I can guarantee you'll have lots of those now you are a pensioner. I do :o)

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  7. It's one of my biggest pet peeves too. Sometimes I wish I had a device to shut them down from disturbing everyone around them. I think they do it purposely, I can't believe they're oblivious to the fact that they are disrupting others....loud and rude is not good in my book.

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  8. This is a sad post for the times for sure, but oh so hilarious!

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