Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Retired? Retired From What?

Perhaps I am still coming down to earth after my party (I promise you I didn't drink too much) but I am feeling kind of spaced out. Like I don't know what to do with myself. Oh I have plenty of plans in my head, for example the Ramshackle Gallery needs to be completed, and since I demolished my old studio I need to build another, and my workshop badly needs tidying. I should be taking advantage of the relatively nice weather to get out and do portraits in town. But none of these things have moved on since the weekend.

Today I plan an extra long walk with Sadie the German Shepherd. Several miles of walking and fresh air, perhaps that will clear my fuzzy head. That is if I actually do it.

I won't actually retire, because I have nothing to retire from. My life these past twenty years has not been a job as such, more a way of life and I don't want to retire from that.

A friend sent me the following, and I thought I would share it with you. I hope it makes you smile.


And They Ask:
Why Do I Like Retirement!

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6  Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal .

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

And, my very favorite...
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING... Saturday and Sunday, I rest.

SERENITY

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
About being 104?' the reporter asked...
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is
You can hide your own Easter eggs
And have fun finding them.

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on,
The class was over.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises
As your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff
In my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.

I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

Remember This Always :
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop  laughing.


I think I will take that walk. "Come on Sadie. Come on girl. Where's your lead? Find it. Find your lead."

12 comments:

  1. First of all I like the new header, George looks like he also had a good time.

    WHOA...I think I need to re-think my position as a housewife! After reading this post and agreeing with way too many of the above,I am now considering myself an "early retiree",or maybe "early retardee"! :D (personal joke)

    ANYWAYYYY...have a nice walk! :)

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  2. I like being retired. I can always find something to do but it is my choice not someone else's.

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  3. This made retirement sound even more appealing to me

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  4. Thanks for sharing that, I can relate to so much of it. Very funny.
    I was 'on sick' for a few years before I officially retired so its very nice to know that I am not ill anymore, just old !
    I've never got much older than about 17 in my head and its great.

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  5. those were great John! And you said it, why retire from a way of life? I think it suits you and is probably why you don't act your age....;-)

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  6. I love the one about aerobics classes . It reminds me of my lovely mother who gave up going to yoga when she got a bit older. It wasn't the exercizes that got too much but the dressing & undressing. Now with a poorly shoulder I know exactly how she felt. At least living in a hot climate I dont have too many clothes to put on. Enjoy your ongoing lifestyle !

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  7. I guess I'm still a bit NUTS!

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  8. Lovely read this is with lots of chuckles. Thanks for the smiles and also love the header pictures.

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  9. Maybe you are too old to be my friend any more? Oops... I'll be there in 8 months.

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  10. Good post on what it means to be retired, John. Even though you are not officially there it seems you DO know how to enjoy non-retirement quite well...as it should be.

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