Thursday, 16 August 2012

An Intelligent Fool.

This best selling book writing is a cathartic process. There's no doubt in my mind about that. But I'm not certain that is why I'm writing it. I have always been fairly open with my thoughts. Fairly honest. Not just on this blog either. Seems to me, I began the healing process a long time ago.

I can quite happily talk openly about my past. Well most of it. The bad times as well as the good. There is no bitterness. No feeling sorry for myself. I'm not looking for sympathy. Some people in this so called civilised world have it really tough. Let us save our compassion for them.

I no longer feel the need to apologise for the way things were once upon another lifetime. It's my life, and that is just the way things panned out. I did, as you know if you have read this blog for a while, act badly enough to get into real trouble with the law. I took my punishment without complaint. I'm not unintelligent. I know that it was myself to blame. I had free choice, and I took the wrong road a few times. I was an intelligent idiot.

Writing my best selling book.
There is one truth I am content with though, and I know it might sound strange, but the thing is, that no matter how badly I may have behaved in the past, I was never a bad person. As I say, it does sound odd, but I know it to be true and I hold that truth to me at all times. It could be the key to what kept me relatively mentally sound.

You may have noticed that I used the words, fairly open, fairly honest. That's because I did find some things too painful to talk about. In this book I'm writing though, I am being brutally honest. I am writing of bad things that happened in my childhood. Some real bad things. Some real bad people.

For some people this best seller might not be an easy book to read. I'm pretty certain that it will stir a few emotions though. If it ever gets published that is. Who knows? It is early days.

I will not be going down the self publishing route. I couldn't afford that, and anyway I would want it to stand or fall on it's own merits. I need to write a synopsis and get it sent off to some publishers. Funnily enough, I can write a book, but when it comes to writing a synopsis I'm stuck. Weird.

Based on the average novel length, by my reckoning it is about halfway written. Not bad going, considering that I haven't really applied myself to it these last two weeks.


  1. Your honesty is to be commended and it is obviously healing for you. Some of your posts I find very painful to read and often don't comment because of that. Sounds silly, but that's how I feel! Just read a little inspirational chapter advising the reader to learn how to feel: the wind in one's hair, the things we get the idea. Not a bad thought!

  2. I believe you, John. To back up Kate's comment... the rule is 'show as well as tell'. You're an artist, you know how to show on canvas... it's the same with words.

  3. Can we have a blog party when you are accepted by a publisher?
    Jane x

  4. John, I strongly identify with your term "intelligent idiot". We should have some sort of rallying cry: Idiots of the world, unite! We have nothing to lose but...I dunno, but there'd be a big bunch of us. Thanks for a thoughtful and sensitive post.

  5. Perhaps the reason some of us have such a hard time reading about your childhood is that we have no frame of reference. It is really hard to read about a lonely little boy waiting for his mother while being abused by those who should be making his life easier. The system fails these children all too often and we hurt for them as well as probably feeling a little guilt. My father had a hard home life but he grew to be a wonderful person much like you are. There are many more like the two of you which just shows the resilience and strength children possess.

  6. It doesn't sound odd at all to me to say that even though you did bad things you weren't a bad person. It makes perfect sense and that way of thinking is what allows us to forgive ourselves for making mistakes

  7. I think a lot of authors have trouble writing a good synopsis. Half the trouble is that a lot of people who work in publishing houses are strangely picky and have short attention spans when it comes to the synopsis. And yet, look at some of the trash that gets published. Strange how that works out.

    Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in getting your best-seller published.

  8. Keep on pushing are doing well...halfway over the hill.
    Loved your reminder "Save It! Do It Now!"....very good reminder...take heed..., I have lost many reports over the years.
    One minute you're typing away happily with your thoughts flowing freely, and the next minute you're cursing because the computer gremlins took it, and it can't be recovered.
    Take care.

  9. Best of luck with your best seller. I for one would be interested in reading the final product. I also look forward to hearing how the process evolves as you send off your synopsis to publishers. Keep typing away at that keyboard. Take care.