I have been outside all day doing stuff. Now it is ten past nine and I want to write a bit of my best selling book, but can't get going on it. I shall try again after I have spoken to you.
About an hour ago I lit yet another bonfire, this time it was full of weeds. As soon as I had got it going the heavens opened. Oh my word the precipitation! But no it didn't put the fire out. What it did was make loads of thick smoke. The smoke drifted across the railway line at the bottom of my place. Honestly I am not kidding, you could not see a foot in front of you. I thought that the trains might have to stop because the signal was blocked by smoke.
Anyway in a valiant attempt at averting a catastrophe, I quickly took off my red petticoat and ran along the track waving it frantically in front of trains. No I didn't. Sorry. I'm afraid I got carried away again. I'm very tired. I haven't even got a red petticoat, and if I did have I certainly wouldn't wave it at train drivers, or wear it come to that. Maybe I would wear it, but I would prefer it to be blue. Although I don't think train drivers are conditioned to react to blue. Which is good, because it means I wouldn't have to take it off and wave it at them. Sorry about this I am very tired.
It is now nine twenty five. It has taken me fifteen minutes to write this nonsense. Why so long I hear you ask? Well because I can't wave petticoats at train drivers and write at the same ti....
Sorry just had to pop out. Another train.
I am very tired. I think I shall give the best selling book a miss tonight, and take myself off to bed. I have been outside all day doing stuff. It is now nine thirty two and fifty eight seconds. Nine thirty three I mean.. And five seconds. Good night. God bless.
Oh dear look at the state of this petticoat. Nine thirty four and....