Tuesday 1 November 2011

Being Hit By A Bus. How To Increase The Odds Against.

My Mother drummed it into me. The subject was raised almost every time I left the house. She would always mention the subject in the letters she wrote to me, during frequent times of separation. There were even occasions when she caused me a deal of embarrassment by asking me about it in front of my friends. No matter how many times she asked the question, my answer, although not necessarily true, was always the same.

"Yes Mum, I am wearing clean underwear".

Her concern however was not about my personal hygiene. Oh no. What she worried about was me being knocked down by a bus.

Apparently, at least according to her, I was almost certain to be knocked down by a bus if I was not wearing clean underwear. Nobody she knew, had ever been knocked down, or run over by a bus, whilst they were wearing freshly laundered underpants. On the other hand she had heard many stories of people being knocked down by buses, and, on being taken to hospital, shock horror, found to be wearing underpants that should have been in the dirty clothes bin.

Try as I might I could not convince her that she was talking nonsense. On one occasion, in an effort to disprove her theory, I informed her, somewhat callously I must admit, that I had been out in the same underpants two days running. She looked at me aghast, and with tears welling in her eyes, hugged me tightly, and exclaimed fervently, "dear God in heaven son, you are lucky to be alive!"

Mum has been gone for a long time now, but just on the off chance that some miracle occurred, and she actually made it to heaven, where she is able to look down on me, I try my best to live up to her ideals.

If, on a rare occasion, I am unable to find any clean underpants. I always make absolutely certain, not to go anywhere near a bus!

11 comments:

  1. I always thought the same thing. Being hit by a bus or any other calamity will happen to you at the times you're not wearing clean underwear. I'm glad I haven't seen any buses where I live now.

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  2. I chuckled when I read this. I was in a serious accident once and I have to admit that one of my silly thoughts was that I was glad I had on fresh unmentionables.

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  3. Alas..In the unfortunate event that you are 'hit by a bus' and knocked out...there's a possibilty that your knickers will be cut off you while you know nothing about it. So I'd make sure you wear your oldest tattiest ones when going anywhere near buses! Hehe! Maa

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  4. I wonder if dirty underwear is also a magnet for other vehicles as well. I better not risk it!

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  5. Ah yes, the old clean underwear 'just in case'. I smiled all the way through this post and then it brought back a memory of nearly being run down by a double-decker when I ran across a zebra crossing around ten years' old. I was trying to catch up with a friend who had run across before me. A valuable lesson learned and I still remember the horrified look on the driver's face after he brought the behemoth skidding to a halt.

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  6. I think all Moms were tarred with the same brush. This took me back so many years... and I remembered something else in the process: pregnant women should never go out with dirty feet ... just in case!

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  7. The one thing that mothers tend to forget is that even though you may be wearing clean underpants when you go out the minute you see that bus about to hit you they are going to become soiled :)

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  8. What a cute story. And Ann does have a point ;-)

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  9. John, I have heard this cautionary warning before, perhaps all mothers tell this to their offspring.

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  10. I reckon Moms all over the world worried about being caught without clean undies.
    Ann does have a good point.:)

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  11. I have to confess that I really and truly did laugh out loud at this one. It's like the person who never drives except on vacations because most accidents happen within 25 miles of home.

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