This morning, or was it last night? Can't be too sure about the time. Let us for the sake of expediency call it the middle of the night, whenever that is. Anyway it was still dark outside. Actually it was dark inside too because I never switched the light on. Which probably explains why I didn't know what time it was.
Oh blimey, got distracted again. Why can't I stick to the point? You know, sometimes I wish I had the ability to switch off certain bits of my mind. Then perhaps I would be better able to concentrate on the job in hand. How I managed to get distracted today of all days is an absolute mystery, because my dear friends what happened last night was of such mind blowing importance, that nothing else, and I do mean nothing else, in this world should matter.
Let me explain. Oh good, I hear you exclaim, finally, he is going to get to the point. Really now, there is no need for sarcasm! Please, let me get on. This is so important.
I woke up this morning in an extremely heightened state of excitement indeed! No, not that! Please! No, something really exciting happened. Something of, and I don't say this lightly, worldwide significance. This morning, ladies and gentlemen, I, John Bain, of the tiny parish of Yapton, in the district of Arundel, part of the county of West Sussex, somewhere in England, discovered, wait for it, wait for it, discovered....
THE MEANING OF LIFE!
As I lay there, alone, in my bed, tears filled my eyes, as the realisation dawned, as to what this actually meant. My life would be transformed of course. There would be television interviews. Journalists would besiege my humble abode. People, women mostly, I hoped, would throw themselves at my feet, maybe even into my bed! No sorry, that is wrong, I'm getting carried away again. Scientists would write weighty tomes on my discovery. This blog, would take on far greater significance, than it currently does. The statistics page would go into meltdown. I would, it goes without saying, be world famous.
Briefly I thought about writing down, what I had discovered. But then, laughing at myself, after all, how was I going to forget something this important..? I didn't bother, and drifted off, back into sleep.
Why, oh why, didn't I write it down? It has gone. The meaning of life? Sorry, but I haven't a clue! I have let you down. I have let the world down. I am so sorry, truly I am. I shall go back to sleep, that's what I'll do. Maybe, just maybe. I'll be given a second chance!
I will say it again, I am so, so sorry.
What more can I say?