Excuse me everyone. Sorry to interrupt what you are doing, but I think the Toastmaster is about to speak.
"MY LORDS, LADIES, AND GENTLEMEN. PLEASE CHARGE YOUR GLASSES AND BE UPSTANDING FOR MR JOHN BAIN ESQUIRE. THE TOAST IS: DON'T UNPLUG YOUR HUB. FIVE THOUSAND VIEWS."
Yes. Well. OK. I know this is not a lot compared to many of you serious bloggers out there, but it made me feel good. So good in fact that I have bored quite a lot of people with the news. People, most of whom have not the faintest clue what I am talking about. But the fact of the matter is that I enjoy writing my blog so much (well, most of the time) that it has taken on a great significance in my humdrum life. I can vividly recall my excitement the time I noticed that someone in China had viewed my blog. Until I realised that one person out of... what's the population of China? Well anyway, it wasn't much to get excited about.
Of course I do realise that the figure of 5000 loses a good deal of it's potency when I factor in how many times I have viewed it myself, in order to see who has viewed it. That probably amounts to, oh, let's say about 2500 times.
But that still leaves 2500 views. You have to admit, that is not half bad for a beginner. Is it...? Oh!
While I'm on the subject of views. I notice that when I look at the stats, which I do quite a lot, that registers too. How often do I look at the stats though? I think I just said. Quite a lot. It probably amounts to, oh, let's say about 1500 times.
But hey! I'm not despairing. No way! Let's not forget. We are still at 1000 views. Let's be honest here. That is a lot of people reading my blog. Wouldn't you agree? Pardon? You wouldn't? I suppose you could be right.
Now. I am going to swallow my pride here, and let you dear readers, in on a secret. Do you remember the posts that Sadie the German Shepherd wrote? You do, don't you? Thought you might. Well they were the two most popular posts ever. By my reckoning she got close to 600 views. I was gutted by this. I mean really!
That still leaves about 400 hundred views though, doesn't it? That's alright isn't it? 400 hundred! That is a lot of kudos.
I have just managed to stop myself putting more photos up. Because I suddenly realised that when you upload a photo it registers as a view. Crikey! Give me a minute to work this one out... Yes got it. Must be about 150.
No worries. It still means that 250 people have had a look at my blog.
Unless of course you take into account the number of people who for some unfathomable reason, came back for another look. Perhaps they could not believe their eyes the first time. How many would that be, do you think? I'll go easy on myself and hazard a rough guess. 200 would that be about right?
So. Out of all the billions of people in the world, maybe 50 have read my blog. Just a thought but how many of that final 50 don't speak or read English? How many simply happened by, and swiftly moved on? Most of them? All of them?
Is there anybody out there? Does anyone read my blog? Is it worth my while to continue?
Wait! The Toastmaster wants your attention again.
"MY LORDS, LADIES, AND GENTLEMEN. MY APOLOGIES. PLEASE POUR ANY REMAINING WINE BACK INTO THE BOTTLE. I AM IN THE WRONG BLOG."