Monday, 6 June 2011

So Many Women. So Little Time. A Solution Of Pure Genius.

It's a miserable day outside. The glorious sunshine we have enjoyed here recently has gone. Which is a shame because it is the school holidays. A good time to go out and draw portraits.
I have to earn some extra money. My car needed work done on it. This is one of those times when the simple life philosophy falls down, and real life takes a bite at you. Why aren't any of  life's necessities cheap? Oh well, never mind. There is always tomorrow. I'm expecting blazing sunshine again. After all it is supposed to be flaming June!
Having had such a long spell of nice dry weather only serves to make the rain seem wetter than ever. We need the rain though apparently. Farmers need it for their crops. Gardeners need it for their gardens. Well all right then. In that case I'm prepared to accept it on their behalf. But just for today! The weeds in my plot are doing very nicely as it is thank you. I'm not inclined to look favourably on anything that might encourage them further.
While I wait for the Sun to make a reappearance I thought this might be a good time to update you on news from the dating site I joined recently. I do know that a few people have asked to be kept informed, and far be it for me to disappoint them.
This particular site I have joined do guarantee success, so I was not too surprised when the messages began to come in thick and fast. It seems that a lot of women found my profile write up very refreshing in it's honesty. How they knew I was being honest, well I haven't figured that out yet. I might easily have been a complete rogue. Instead of the part one I actually am. Oh come on! Nobody is completely perfect. Are they? Anyway, suffice to say I was pleased with the results. Particularly since I had used a less than flattering picture of myself to accompany my refreshingly honest words. Which just goes to show that women do not merely judge a book by it's cover. Unless it's a Mills and Boon romance book that is.
I then decided to add another photo showing myself in a better light. You know. Scrubbed up a bit. Beard coiffed. (Coiffed? Where do I conjure these words up from? Excuse me while I look it up, see if I've got it right. Yep! the context is OK. The word does apply to hair at least). Shirt and tie, that sort of thing.
The new photograph produced even more results. It was quite dramatic in fact. Messages from women coming at me from left right and centre. Even several from interested men, wondering if I would be prepared to consider changing my sexual orientation. Obviously I'm not, but I have filed the letters safely away. Just in case I change my mind!
All these lovely ladies wanting to meet up presented me with a big headache. Obviously, being a man of integrity and honour, I don't want to let any of them down or deprive them of this once in a lifetime chance to get to know me.
But I am not just a very handsome, debonair, humble and charismatic man. I have also been blessed with high intelligence. It was not long before the solution to the problem came to me. The answer was simple,and I could foresee no problems with it. What I would do in order to whittle down the numbers into a shortlist was: take the ladies out on a date four at a time. Yes I know. I thought so too. I am a genius!
Four ladies at a time. The perfect solution!
Naturally, when the evening ends, there is some competition amongst them about who gets to take me home for, ahem, 'coffee'. But I've sorted that problem out also. I drink a lot of coffee.
Bye for now.


  1. that was nothing short of brilliant. :)

  2. Seriously! You did that? Not many men could pull that off but it seems like you have done it well. Looks like fun.

  3. You are going to run into a woman who has a huge coffee pot and it will take you some time to finish her coffee. Will the other three be satisfied with waiting for you to be ready for more? And I do believe that there is one of the men back in the shadows on the left of the picture. Be watchful for stalkers.

  4. I came here because I've often seen your blogging name and wondered what the heck don't unplug your hub really meant. I still don't know but I'm glad I came anyway. Your post is so funny, hilariously written. Hope you don't mind if I pop in again. My name is Valerie, but I have to sign off in my blog name because of Blogger problems.

  5. I'm still laughing, loved the photo too.

  6. John, you are having way too much fun with this online dating scenario and so are we through your sharing. BTW, Grenville and I met through an online post and that was 14 years ago..and look where we ended up...together!

  7. Woohoo! Way to go John! No wonder I feel your blogposts are getting less and less frequent!

  8. You are so confident! I am sure that was an interesting date. BTW Your blog titles are absolutely brilliant...they really grab a readers attention....well mine anyway ;)