Tonight after a lot of abject, and I have to say undignified pleading from the organizers, I gave in, and went to an open mic event. It has been a while since I graced such an event with my presence, and I was a wee bit nervous. Yes! It is true. I am, after all, subject to the same human frailties as other less talented people. I can allow self doubt to chip away at my confidence. Silly of me really. Of course they absolutely loved me.
I'm never sure if it is my dulcet tones that the audience like or if it is just my natural charisma. Probably it is a bit of both. Whatever it is I've got, I wish it could be bottled, and sold in shops. I would make an absolute fortune. Which naturally I would donate to charitable causes. I can't do that though, I am far to humble a man.
Now then, I know you love it when I write about the wonderful talents that God has gifted to me, but I have to disappoint you. Because I want to write about alcoholic drinks.
Tonight as usual I bought a pint of bitter. I bet you are surprised by that. Me, having to buy my own drink. Lots of people wanted to buy me one, but I can't have favourites. It would be unfair. As usual I did not enjoy it. I bought the one with the lowest alcoholic content. I do this because I have to drive home afterwards, and I would hate to have an accident, and be done for drink driving. Oh what an absolute paragon of virtue I am.
Since I only have the one pint I am forced to forgo the pleasant buzz which a second pint would impart to my brain. So therefore, what is the point of me having the first pint? It is certainly not the taste. Perhaps I am just stupid. To be honest I don't even like beer. Yes definitely stupid. Glad I cleared that up. As it says on the pump, it is bitter. I derive no pleasure from bitter tastes.
What is the fascination with wine? It is awful vinegary stuff. I have never found the taste of wine appealing. I love grapes, they taste delicious. But then they get fermented and, yuk! People sometimes complain about wine being corked, meaning it has gone off I presume. Well corked or not, it all tastes vile to me. Those things that the so called wine experts say when describing it's bouquet. What a load of codswallop that is.
Sometimes I might be heard to say that I like a good whisky. Not strictly true. I don't like the taste of whisky either. What I do like is the inner glow it imparts when imbibed. I'll put up with the burning throat, but only because I like the buzz.
The same sort of things apply to all alcoholic drinks. As I say, for me it is not the taste, but the effect, and even that is beginning to lose its appeal. I have not the slightest interest in drinking to get drunk. I went through that phase when I was a lot younger, and, as the saying goes. Never again!
I know what you are thinking, and yes you are quite right. I can be a miserable old b-----d sometimes.