Friday, 15 April 2011

Sorry Ladies Mr Perfect Has Been Taken.

It is quite amazing, the number of women out there in small ad lonely heart land. A heck of a lot of them list among their interests, theatre, travel and dining out.
Come on now ladies. You are advertising in the free ads. Be honest. When did you last dine out and go to the theatre? Let alone take a flight to gay Paree to do so. I think, and I admit that I am no expert in these matters, but I think what you really mean is, that, theatre, travel, and dining out are the things you dream about doing when Mr Perfect, also known as Mr Right comes along. Well I'm sorry about this, but it has to be said. If he is out there, this perfect man. It is an almost odds on racing certainty that he has already been spoken for. There is no way that Mr Perfect or Mr Right, if indeed such a man exists, is sitting at home alone, in his wood panel lined study, in his grand mansion house, thinking despondently to himself. 'She must be out there somewhere, the woman of my dreams. She must be'. As he sobs, and flicks wistfully through the lonely heart ads, in the free local newspaper, which is pushed through his ornate brass letter box, every Wednesday morning.
Sad as I am to say it ladies. Maybe it is time to think again. Perhaps lower your sights just a little. Why not look for an ordinary bloke? The type of man who is happy to go out to work every day. Who brings home an average working mans wage. The kind of man who, although he can't afford to wine and dine you every day, and most definitely can't afford to take you to exotic destinations, nevertheless, loves you, and treats you with the respect you deserve.
What's that you say? He sounds a lot like the boring bloke you just divorced. Oh dear! That is bad news. Because he is exactly the same person that is reading your lonely heart ad right now. It could be your ex husband, sitting in his lonely bedsit. Which is all the poor devil can afford these days. Eating a can of beans which he has tried to heat, unsuccessfully, on a warm radiator, who is reading your ad and trying to pluck up the courage to call your box number. Doesn't your heart just bleed for him? He is probably thinking about taking out a bank loan so that he can fulfil your wishes, and meet your criteria to be wined and dined.
You are thinking such a thing is unlikely to happen. Your ex husband answering your lonely heart appeal. Well yes, it does sound unlikely. But it is not impossible. I know a couple who it happened to. I won't give their names so as not to embarrass them. Roger and Jill. They did meet up in these same circumstances. They fell in love all over again and remarried. At first, they would go out every week for a meal in a nice restaurant. But she got bored with that. So now they just have the occasional night out and a holiday abroad a couple of times a year. They are very happy.
You may be wondering, what I am doing, looking through the lonely hearts adverts? Am I lonely? Am I, as it says in the ads, looking for companionship, maybe more? Has my eye been caught by tall, leggy lady, curvy, caring and genuine, solvent with own home?
Well, perhaps I do get a little lonely sometimes. Yearn for some feminine comfort. But the truth is, I was just idly glancing through the ads as I ate my burnt toast this morning. No seriously I was. Oh all right then, I'll admit it. I wasn't just glancing through. I was looking for a woman. There! Happy now? Luckily for me I soon came to my senses and got a grip of myself. No! Not like that. For heavens sake! Anyway, it got me thinking, and this little article is the result of those thoughts. But, the fact is, that even if I were seriously seeking a mate, I have grave doubts as to whether I could meet the criteria demanded by some of these ladies.
Take this one for example: Voluptuous attractive tanned, well groomed blonde, looking for good times, seeks tall, well built guy, for pampering, massages and discreet friendship. Any age/looks.
That rules me right out. How can I be discreet? I need stuff to put in my blog. Besides which, I have my suspicions that the word voluptuous could be a euphemism for, 'extremely large'.

1 comment: