The newspapers and television are full of it. Britain is in the grip of a battle between weather fronts. From the Atlantic there is a warm front in place over half of the UK. From the east a cold front has locked into place. It is right slap bang down the middle of the country. Half of us are having a mild spell. The other half are freezing.
On the outward leg of my walk today with Sadie the German Shepherd, I was heading south. Now I know that you are going to find this hard to believe, but in fact I was walking directly down the line of the warm and cold fronts. I know this for certain because my left ear was very cold and my right ear was basking in what in comparison felt like a tropical sun!
Fortunately for me, I was able to use my phenomenal brain power to devise a plan to combat the problem. What I did was, I walked backwards until my cold ear felt warmer, and then turned around again, to regain feeling in my other ear. Using this method I managed to complete the walk in comfort. Apart from the times I tripped whilst walking backward.
On the homeward leg of our walk, heading north, I had an even better idea, and simply walked two paces to my left. Thereby avoiding the cold front altogether! Unbelievable as all this may seem, I know it to be true, because I arrived home with two warm ears.
You might be thinking: That man has gone completely crazy! You are probably right. These ideas just pop in to my head. Sorry about that!
It's me that is sixty four and a half exactly, not the woolly hat! I don't know how old the hat is.
I think I do look a bit crazy in this painting. Perhaps I should get out more. Avoiding conjunctions between weather fronts, obviously!