Wednesday, 26 October 2016

The Absolutely True Adventures Of Fishy Fishface.

I have started to write a children's book. This is the first chapter. I would appreciate your feedback. Thank you.

The Absolutely True Adventures Of Fishy Fishface.

Fishy Fishface lived in a round glass bowl full of water. Space was limited. So, can you imagine how Fishy Fishface felt when his owner a small boy called Billy Snotdrip put a little ornamental castle in the bowl? You can? Well, let me tell you, you are wrong. Fishy Fishface loved it. Being mostly used to swimming aimlessly to and fro he was now able to swim around his castle and sometimes, just to break up the monotony even more, he would swim through it, because the castle had a hole in it.

Fishy Fishface swam at a slow leisurely pace most of the time because well, he wasn’t in a hurry to go anywhere but sometimes he went really fast around his bowl when Billy vigorously stirred the water with a wooden spoon. This was great fun to Billy but to be honest Fishy Fishface hated it Not only did he hate being stirred so vigorously but he also got very upset when his little ornamental castle got bashed and knocked over.

One day, after a particularly bad spoon stirring Fishy Fishface’s beloved ornamental castle got broken. This incident made Fishy Fishface so angry that he climbed out of his bowl and slapped young Billy Snotdrip hard around the face with his tail and he kept slapping until young Snotdrip managed to run off and tell his mum.

Mrs Snotdrip did not believe a word of it when Billy related how Fishy Fishface had assaulted him with his tail and who can blame her? In fact, I am struggling to believe it myself and I’m the one writing this!

Mrs Snotdrip gave her son a jolly good telling off and then, noticing the awful disgusting smell of the water in Fishy Fishface’s bowl she insisted that Billy change the water immediately or else she would flush Fishy Fishface down the toilet. Billy Snotdrip went into a proper strop at this, stamped his small foot and declared loudly to his mum, “Flush the stupid fish down the toilet. I don’t care and I will do a poo on it too.”

Sadly, Billy Snotdrip being so young and unversed in the ways of women failed to take into account his mum’s PMT and was astonished when she picked up the bowl, marched swiftly to the downstairs cloakroom which is what she rather grandly called the toilet and poured the contents, Fishy Fishface and all into the toilet bowl and pressed the flush lever.

At this stage of proceedings, I could go into great detail about how young Billy Snotdrip cried himself to sleep that night dreaming of Fishy Fishface and of how his mother Mrs Snotdrip full of remorse at her rash behaviour began hormone replacement therapy to try to deal with her PMT and hot flushes but I don’t think I shall bother because from the moment she flushed that toilet Fishy Fishface and his round bowl with its ornamental castle ceased to be a part of the Snotdrip family’s life.


  1. What age children are your target for this book? I fear that some parts may be a little traumatic for very young ones. They will all love the last name of the family however. The concept of the adventures is a good one. I hope to see the next chapter soon.

  2. This is the most honest and sincere fish tales I've ever read, John. You have narrated a moral lesson that will improve coming generations. I like it a lot!

  3. Well, I enjoyed it, but wonder whether a child would understand PMT and the ways of women. I think the upgrade from child to adults should be adjusted. Just saying! Looking forward to more.

    1. Valerie, this book is cunningly designed to cause children to ask parents embarrassing, awkward questions. :)