Thursday, 3 March 2016

"Oi Fatso! I Mean Oi Obese."

The NHS, that’s the National Health Service in case you didn’t know – well, maybe you’re a foreigner - actually, come to think of it, most people in England are these days - has just come up with a brilliant idea. Well, it thinks so. Some committee I expect. A bunch of people probably. Sitting around a table, getting paid loads of money to come up with ideas about how to improve the NHS and at the same time save money. I think it is called brain-storming in modern parlance.

One good idea I just thought of. Get rid of the committee. 

But anyway.

What they, in their infinite wisdom have decided this time is, they are going to create ‘Healthy Living Towns’. Only ten towns at the moment although I expect when the idea becomes a runaway success they will go the whole hog and create ‘Healthy Living England’.

What it’s about really is obesity. The NHS think there is too much obesity about and it is making people in England unhealthy. And of course unhealthy people cost the NHS money and we can’t have that can we? 

Obesity by the way – in case you are a foreigner - is another word for what we used to call people in this country before the European Union got involved. Fat. Nowadays if you call someone fat you will be prosecuted. You must call them obese. It still means fat. Be honest now, if you see an obese person waddling past on their reinforced mobility scooter, you still think, “there goes a fatty,” or words to that effect. If you were inclined to shout angrily at an obese person on a reinforced mobility scooter who gets in your way, would you shout, “Get out of my way obese person”? No of course you wouldn’t. You and I both know what you would shout and the word obese wouldn’t come into it. So that’s the European Union for you.

But back to the ‘Healthy Living Towns’. I don’t know for certain but I expect fat, er sorry, obese people, will be prohibited from living in them. There will probably be a girth and weight requirement in order to qualify to live there. Perhaps only skinny people will be allowed? Is it okay to call someone skinny by the way? Has the EU given out any guidelines about what to call skinny people? Is it okay to shout angrily at a skinny person?

Of course you won’t be allowed to drink alcohol. You certainly won’t be allowed to smoke. And definitely no drugs, not even legal ones. Because these towns are supposed to save the NHS money and remember only healthy people will live there.

The whole idea of ‘Healthy Living Towns’ sounds really dull and boring. I shall be okay though because I don’t live in a town. Mind you if these ‘Healthy Living Towns' become successful the NHS might extend the idea to villages too. Then what will happen? I can see the day coming when unhealthy people – they mean fat – will be shipped off to some remote island out of sight and thought and forced to live off coconuts and sea food. They, The NHS could make them go in rowing boats. Once they have lost weight they would be allowed back to live in a ‘Healthy Living Town’ but they would have to swim back.

Yes, well done NHS. A wonderful idea on your part. But personally I don’t think it will work. Good luck though.


  1. Perhaps Botany Bay has a new future. I would never (and I do mean ever) intentionally make another person feel bad about themselves. However I have the right to think and say what I wish as long as I do not abridge the rights of someone else's ears and what I force them to hear. What is going to happen if a couple in a healthy town has a child with health problems or becomes slightly "obese" the way some children do for a time? Oh I have so many questions. I would spend a considerable period of time incarcerated in some English prison for my thoughts.

  2. Have you sent this to one of the Nationals? If not, why not? Healthy villages isn't the answer, the answer lies with food suppliers. Get rid of the rubbish and everyone will be healthier.

  3. I've got a good idea. Close down whole aisles in supermarkets, clear the shelves of ready meals, cakes, biscuits, fizzy drinks, sweets, chocolate, and crisps. Replace them with fresh fruit and vegetables. That would flummox people.

    No that might not work, there wouldn't be any going out of date yellow stickers for me ;o( No, let them eat junk and leave the healthy stuff for me. Oh dear, maybe there won't be a National Health left for when I might need some help in my later years. That wouldn't work.