I couldn't find the lighter to light my fire. Looked everywhere. This is a very small place it has to be here somewhere. I always put it back in the same place. Where the hell is it? Drives me mad, losing things in here. I give up and go and get the box of matches from my camper van.
I light the fire but it doesn't seem to be taking, so I get right close and blow into it to get it going. Yes, I manage to blow some life into it. There is a flame. And that's when the explosion occurred! I have found the lighter, but lost an eyebrow. Good job it didn't have much gas left in it that's all I can say! I shall buy another one next time I'm in the shop.
“Can I have a cigarette lighter please?”
“Thought you’d given up smoking John?”
“Why do you want a cigarette lighter then?”
Me sighing: “To light my fire with and the gas stove.”
“Really you just want a lighter then?”
“That’s what I said.”
“You said cigarette lighter.”
Me sighing: “Can I have a lighter please.”
“Er... Blue please.”
“We don’t have blue.”
“You can have yellow or green.”
“Disposable or refillable?”
“We only have disposable in yellow.”
Me sighing: “In that case can I have a yellow, disposable lighter please?”
“You’re in luck, this is the last one.”
“Check that it works okay please. The last one I bought didn’t.”
Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. “Good job you said that. This one isn’t working either. I could check out the back for you. We might have some out there. Might even be a blue one. Or you could have a refillable one in green?”
Me sighing: “Just give me a box of matches please.”
You couldn’t make this stuff up.