Friday, 20 February 2015

A Lighter Kind Of Story.

I couldn't find the lighter to light my fire. Looked everywhere. This is a very small place it has to be here somewhere. I always put it back in the same place. Where the hell is it? Drives me mad, losing things in here. I give up and go and get the box of matches from my camper van.

I light the fire but it doesn't seem to be taking, so I get right close and blow into it to get it going. Yes, I manage to blow some life into it. There is a flame. And that's when the explosion occurred! I have found the lighter, but lost an eyebrow. Good job it didn't have much gas left in it that's all I can say! I shall buy another one next time I'm in the shop.

“Can I have a cigarette lighter please?”

“Thought you’d given up smoking John?”

“I have.”

“Why do you want a cigarette lighter then?”

Me sighing: “To light my fire with and the gas stove.”

“Really you just want a lighter then?”

“That’s what I said.”

“You said cigarette lighter.”

Me sighing: “Can I have a lighter please.”

“What colour?”

“Er... Blue please.”

“We don’t have blue.”


“You can have yellow or green.”

“Green please.”

“Disposable or refillable?”


“We only have disposable in yellow.”

Me sighing: “In that case can I have a yellow, disposable lighter please?”

“You’re in luck, this is the last one.”

“Check that it works okay please. The last one I bought didn’t.”

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. “Good job you said that. This one isn’t working either. I could check out the back for you. We might have some out there. Might even be a blue one. Or you could have a refillable one in green?”

Me sighing: “Just give me a box of matches please.”

You couldn’t make this stuff up.



  1. Can clerks be irritating or what? You are so lucky your explosion was not a lot worse.

  2. Well, thank goodness you're alive to tell the tale. I'd definitely stick to matches if I were you. Much less trouble in the long run.

  3. Too funny! Well, except about blowing off your eyebrow. Not so good.

  4. Made me laugh. And also I was about to recommend some matches.