Saturday, 7 February 2015

VINCENT Van Gogh And Me.

When I am dead a lot of people are going to regret not buying my paintings because they are going to increase in value because that's what happens with paintings even crap ones with the signature BAIN on them.

I'm just saying that's all. Just giving you the heads up. It's down to you of course but just remember I'm bloody starving here okay?

VINCENT Van Gogh went mental in the end because he couldn't sell his work and he was a fantastic painter. I am already mental so don't have a problem with that side of things, not that I put myself up there with the great man.

The paint is frozen in the tubes so I'm not painting at the moment. Couldn't hold a paintbrush anyway what with me hands being so cold.

Maybe I should start painting abstract art. That way if anyone calls my work crap I can just say, "No mate, you just don't understand where I'm coming from." And then if they ask for an explanation I can spout a load of nonsense at them, pretend I know what I'm talking about.

Or surrealism? I could start acting weird, wax my moustache into points and paint strange events that occur in my head. Yes I could do that easily enough. Well, the acting weird part at least. No problem there.

I am going to share a little secret with you: When I sat here today I was intending to write an article about harvest mice. How weird is that? I 'm not sure why it turned into talking about painting. Maybe it was the ache in my shrivelled stomach that took my mind off it?

If I survive until Spring I am going to paint a masterpiece depicting the discovery of my emaciated body surrounded by all the paintings nobody wanted to buy.

Maybe when I am dead someone will arrange an exhibition of my work? More likely they will just have a big bonfire. Perhaps I should have the bonfire right now? That would warm me up!

I shall wait a while before setting it alight. Give people one more chance to buy something. I can't stand the thought of people having regrets.


  1. Do wait before lighting the bonfire. People would consider it performance art and expect you to keep doing it. Harvest mice, now that interests me. We don't have them here but I don't see how farmers can train such tiny creatures to bring crops in on time.

  2. I tend to agree with Geo about the bonfire being performance art. However you would need to get a permit to burn which would cut into what grocery money you might have. Then you would have to conform to all the rules and regulations that come with the permit. You could starve to death before you even light the first match.

  3. Whatever you do, don't paint sunflowers. Paint harvest mice. The mice are smaller than the flowers, so they can be painted faster.

    And don't try to eat paint or drink turpentine. It ruined Van Gogh's teeth.

  4. John, I hope you feel better now you've had a little rant! Tell me, do you still have the gallery, and what happened to your other blog where you posted pics of your pics?

    1. i still have the ramshackle gallery but it is closed at the moment Valerie for refurbishment ha ha. I deleted the other blog. I usually put my latest paintings on here.

    2. i still have the ramshackle gallery but it is closed at the moment Valerie for refurbishment ha ha. I deleted the other blog. I usually put my latest paintings on here.

  5. Just don't go cutting off any body parts to be like Mr. VG.

  6. Hope you warm up soon but if your fingers start to darken or turn black put your hands under your armpits.

  7. Not sure if I am qualified to comment as I am also well on the way to mental infirmity or maybe that should unwell. Plus I think I have already arrived. Hmmm I am unsure as to what I was going to say so I will go away and think and once I have thunk I will return.