Saturday, 7 February 2015
VINCENT Van Gogh And Me.
When I am dead a lot of people are going to regret not buying my paintings because they are going to increase in value because that's what happens with paintings even crap ones with the signature BAIN on them.
I'm just saying that's all. Just giving you the heads up. It's down to you of course but just remember I'm bloody starving here okay?
VINCENT Van Gogh went mental in the end because he couldn't sell his work and he was a fantastic painter. I am already mental so don't have a problem with that side of things, not that I put myself up there with the great man.
The paint is frozen in the tubes so I'm not painting at the moment. Couldn't hold a paintbrush anyway what with me hands being so cold.
Maybe I should start painting abstract art. That way if anyone calls my work crap I can just say, "No mate, you just don't understand where I'm coming from." And then if they ask for an explanation I can spout a load of nonsense at them, pretend I know what I'm talking about.
Or surrealism? I could start acting weird, wax my moustache into points and paint strange events that occur in my head. Yes I could do that easily enough. Well, the acting weird part at least. No problem there.
I am going to share a little secret with you: When I sat here today I was intending to write an article about harvest mice. How weird is that? I 'm not sure why it turned into talking about painting. Maybe it was the ache in my shrivelled stomach that took my mind off it?
If I survive until Spring I am going to paint a masterpiece depicting the discovery of my emaciated body surrounded by all the paintings nobody wanted to buy.
Maybe when I am dead someone will arrange an exhibition of my work? More likely they will just have a big bonfire. Perhaps I should have the bonfire right now? That would warm me up!
I shall wait a while before setting it alight. Give people one more chance to buy something. I can't stand the thought of people having regrets.