Monday, 26 August 2013

Get Down. Get On Down.

If you were here with me today, sitting here in the wagon, you would likely hear me singing away to myself. I do it all the time. Singing. Sometimes I pick up my guitar and have a strum. Pretending I know all the right chords to some tune or other that just happens to brush past my grey matter. Sometimes I will make up a song. Just a couple of lines, and sing it to the few chords I do know.

This doesn't mean I'm happy. I sing when I'm down too. I'm down right now. Have been for a day or two. Still singing away though, and not sad songs necessarily. It is just as likely to be some upbeat tempo that is exercising the old vocal chords. Singing a happy song and feeling as miserable as sin. Try and explain that away. I can't.

I honestly can't. Sometimes I try and get to the reason or reasons behind my melancholy. And sometimes I think I get it, but then another thought gets in the way and that becomes the reason. What keeps me going though, what stops me descending into the black abyss that once, perhaps thirty or more years ago, took me in it's grasp and held me so low for many months, is the knowledge that I will soon bounce back to my cheerful self.

The path to old age is getting steeper. It is more and more difficult to dig my heels in and slow it down. I feel it pulling me onward. I need more time. There are so many things I still have to do.

Or are there? Perhaps I kid myself? Maybe I am happy to get old? Settle into a routine dullness? Although I have never been one for routine. This may be a reaction to becoming institutionalised when I was a youngster. A kickback against the normality that so many take for granted?

Strange isn't it, because looking back, the most settled times in my life have been when routine has been there. Care homes, navy, detention, prison. All things where, without routine anarchy would prevail.

Is that it do you think? Routine? Is that the answer? And discipline of course. The two go together. It's probably too late for me to take that path now. Too set in my ways. How ironic is that? Hates routine and yet set in my ways. Makes me want to laugh. Laugh? Yes I do that too when I'm down.

This has been a miserable old bloke rambling. And I am sorry to inflict it on you. I will be back soon and I will be wondering where the hell all this came from. I have to go now, there is a song coming on.


  1. Your low days are so low. I had seen hope that they were getting fewer for a while when you were writing more. Yes we are getting older and there are a great many things I would still like to accomplish. Many of them I know I never will. In most ways I like getting older. I have seen my children grow up and become parents themselves. Now my grandchildren are becoming parents. You started having children much later than I did. You still have offspring to look forward to. I learned a long time ago that if you paste a smile on your face and pretend real hard to be happy, you will become happy without realizing it. You are working at it with your happy songs. Now follow them with a smile and soon your eyes will twinkle too. Think happy thoughts. I am thinking them for you. By the way, I took your advice. I am in the process of beginning a blog with all my family stories. I will let you know when it is ready. Thank you.

  2. Cheer up John. Take Sadie for a long walk in the beautiful countryside and enjoy the outdoors.
    I find that sunshine and fresh air keeps me very cheerful.
    Sometimes thoughts that we would prefer to stay hidden away in the recesses of our mind float to the top and take over subconsciously, therefore taking our happiness away.
    It happens every now and again. I hope you get your "happy" back soon.

  3. I live a haphazard life without structure, no rhyme or reason, living and doing as I please when I please and guess what, I couldn't be happier. I guess it's different strokes for different folks. Hope you perk up soon and get smiling again, not just on your face but in your heart as well. Hugs from across the wide ocean to you, old son!

  4. John, you are NOT old and it will be a long time before you are. Cheer up, do! One thing is for sure you've a long, long way to go before you catch me up... grins.

  5. If there is no routine at all then there isn't such joy in the surprise or random event.

  6. I've been pretty down too lately and I feel it's the impending knowing that my daughter will be leaving me soon for college. Maybe that's what you're going through? I always thought the 'empty nest syndrome' was a bunch of baloney but not anymore. It makes me feel old and disposable; I did my job, now it's over. I just can't imagine my life without her on a day to day basis. I will see her often as she is close by but still...... :-( But like millions before us I guess we will survive.

  7. Keep your chin up, John. We humans have good days and bad days. I often wonder what I want to be when I grow up...oops...I am grown up. But, what's the next path for my life? to my friend, kden, it is a major change having your daughter go off to college, but like you said, she is close enough to visit are lucky.

  8. John, I am sorry to put this here but I am not sure how else to contact you. I have done as you suggested and I have started my own blog. The first post will appear on September 3. The address is . I hope you visit and I hope it will keep you entertained. The first post is rather boring as I introduce myself and some of them will be sad as I remember unhappy times but there are fun ones too. If you cannot connect please let me know so I can fix it. Thank you. Emma