Tuesday, 5 March 2013

What A Lot Of Balls!

Hey listen, don't tell anyone but did you know that if you were able to increase the size of a billiard ball to the same size as the earth, all the mountains and valleys on it would be far bigger than any of those on earth?
Amazing, don't you think? I mean have a good look the next time you are playing billiards. Those balls are as smooth as a babies bottom. Well they may well look smooth, but they definitely are not.

Where did that expression come from? As smooth as a babies bottom? Babies bottoms are not smooth. I'm speaking from memory here but as far as I remember babies bottoms are not really smooth. Quite wrinkly in fact, especially if they have a bit of nappy rash. Mind you when a babies bottom is in good condition it can be very kissable. Only kiss your own babies bottoms though, otherwise it could be frowned upon. Not the bottom, I mean the act of kissing it. Oh blimey! Here I go again, rambling away from the point. Where was I? Oh yes, billiard ball.

Now unfortunately I have no way of proving this fact about the billiard ball, so I'm afraid you will just have to take my word for it. By the way when I say billiard ball, I am of course also referring to snooker balls, or pool balls. I put that in about pool balls for the benefit of those of you who are reading this in the USA.

Whatever you do though please do not try this analogy with a tennis ball. It would be a lot lighter but so enormous that your brain would not be able to cope, and there would be a big risk of sinking into the fluffy stuff they are covered in. Not your brain, the tennis ball. Your brain isn't covered in fluffy stuff. Although it might feel as though it is, the morning after the night before. Please whatever you do, do not imagine it with a football. There is a strong possibility that your head would explode!

What point was I trying to make here? I can't remember. Something about proving facts. Something about the truth of facts.

Oh right I remember. Do you believe that about the billiard ball? You should, because apparently it is true. Do you believe everything I write? After two years of writing this blog some of you might have some idea of my personality, some idea of who I am. Your assessment of me is possibly spot on. I have no way of knowing. I always strive to be honest - allowing for a little artistic licence of course - but some things are too personal to write about even for someone like me, who wears his heart on his sleeve always. So I don't write about them except possibly in an oblique way, where perhaps you can read between the lines.

But what you read here, is me. I just wanted to let you know that. After all, this blog is an extension of me. That is quite funny really. Because a lot of the time I just seem to ramble on in an uncontrolled way. I reckon I have got more peaks and troughs than a giant billiard ball. You will have to take my word for that.

I hope you are not as confused by what I have written today as I am.


  1. Did you spend too long in the sun...the real sun...not a blown up yellow beach ball.
    Jane x

  2. When my brain stops spinning, I wonder if it will be pasted to the sides of my head. For the very first time you have me totally confused.

  3. Well I haven't been here for a while. I see that you are not broken hearted over it. Still your funny self writing posts about nothing. You have the knack.

  4. I'm glad you're back to your old self, but you must tell us where you found that interesting tidbit about the billiard ball.

  5. Well the real you is a little confusing today, but always entertaining.

  6. I think I need a lie down.... grins.

  7. to me the post is amusing as ever. Happy blogging to you

  8. If the earth were a tennis ball there would be really deep, fluffy forests. I think I would like that- the bright yellow-green one please.