How D'you Like Your Venison?

It was the first time she has burned cooked venison so Tricia should be forgiven for getting the timing, and possibly the temperature settings slightly wrong. Even forgetting it was in the oven is forgivable, but perhaps she should have investigated the 'funny smell' further, instead of just wondering what the 'funny smell' was. To be fair though, when you cook on a Rayburn stove, most of the smell goes up the chimney.

Extremely handsome son George and I have declined her invitation to give it a try, despite being told many times, that a little charcoal is good for the digestive system.

Sadie the German Shepherd and Bonnie the Ginger Cat have also, after a brief inspection, decided to give it a miss too.

You might be wondering why she was cooking venison in the first place? Well it was free. Her boss gave it to her. Apparently it had been in his freezer for four years! Maybe it's a good thing it got burnt?


The good news is, that with a hammer and chisel I am hopeful I might be able to save the roasting tin. I will give that a try, but only because I enjoy a challenge.

Tricia is a vegetarian. I wonder if she did this on purpose?

Skye The Labrador Puppy.

My darling daughter Jodie and I went for a walk with Sadie the German Shepherd and Jodie's new puppy Skye the Labrador today. Skye is thirteen weeks old and coming along fine. I took this photo. I am sure she posed for it. I am pleased with this photo. I took it with my proper camera not the pathetic phone camera.

Oh my word Skye, I think I'm in love.

You're still my number one Sadie.

And Ned, one year old next week, makes any walk a very exciting time.

Sam hasn't been well lately, but soon we will be joined again by her and Ned the Border Collie. It's going to be interesting to say the least, with our own dog gang. Exciting times ahead. Watch this space.


There was a shortage of milk in the local shop today, but there were a few bottles of organic milk. Organic milk? I thought all milk was organic. But no it's not. It seems that not all cows have access to the great outdoors. Astonishing! I am going to investigate this state of affairs. Did you realise that the milk you drink might very likely be from cows that have never stood in a green field? I didn't, but I do now. They kept that quiet. I thought animal welfare was supposed to be improving. Here is a link if you would like to know more.
http://ciwf.org.uk



Did you notice that Dianne from the launderette post left a few nice comments for some of you? I just thought I would let you know in case you missed them. What a nice lady.

It All Happens At The Local Launderette.

Let me set the scene for you if I may. There was some years ago an advert for Levi jeans on the television. It was a popular ad, mainly I suppose because it featured a handsome young man undressing in the launderette and putting his clothes into a washing machine. Women liked the ad a lot, and some men too I suppose. Not me though, I mean if I want to look at a great body all I have to do is use the full length mirror in my bedroom.

Anyway, Saturday morning I'm sitting in the launderette watching my collection of posing pouches going through the rinse cycle, and to be honest I was thoroughly bored.

Thinking to while away a few minutes I sent a text message to Sam. 'Sam', I said in the text, 'I am so bloody bored sitting here watching my washing going round and round.' xx

Actually it took me more than a few minutes to write the text, because this touch screen smart (arse) phone never writes the correct letter first time and drives me crazy. It seems to particularly really enjoy putting a P when what I want to put is an O. Yeah I know it is because they are near each other on the keyboard, but there is no need for it, my fingers are not that fat that the keyboard doesn't know what I mean. In fact nothing is fat about me. I am slim and athletic. That Levi jeans bloke pales into insignificance compared to me. However that is by the by. I hate to talk about how perfect I am, as you know.

Where was I? Oh yes. Texting. Sam sent me an amusing reply. It said: 'Take ur clothes off n bung em in with the wash, that should liven the place up' ;) xx. This was in reference of course to the aforementioned advert.

You will not believe this next bit. Just as I had finished reading the text, A couple came into the launderette, and honest, you couldn't make it up, the man started to get undressed! I couldn't believe it myself, I had just that second read her text message. The shock was so great that I couldn't stop myself from laughing out loud.

Of course I then had to tell them why I was laughing and even showed them the text message. I was a bit worried because the bloke was a big man. Not too worried though, after all I am tough enough to take on any man however big he is. I've got a black belt in Origami and Macrami. Nobody messes with me and gets away with it. Nobody!

But not to worry, because they saw the funny side of it too, and we had a good laugh about it.

Sadly I was not able to work out in time how to use the camera which is attached to my new smart (arse) phone and so missed the chance to take a photo of the event. Bloody smart phones!

After a while I plucked up the courage to ask if he would mind re-enacting what had happened, and they agreed. The lady, Diane was her name, even showed me a quick way to use the camera (I've already forgotten sadly) and the man, his name was Tom, began to undress.

I ought to point out that he didn't take all his clothes off at any time. In fact it turned out that he had  just decided on the spur of the moment to wash the shirt he was wearing. Makes sense to me.

How nice to meet you Tom and Diane. Thanks for joining in with the fun. You sure did cheer up this bored old git!

Here are some pics, just in case you think I made this story up. I wouldn't blame you if you did.

Thanks for being such a good sport Tom.

Oh no! D'you see that box of Daz washing powder? That's mine. I forgot all about it in the excitement and left it there. Nearly a full box too. Never mind. Mustn't let that spoil a nice memory. Bloody hell! Do you know how much washing powder costs?

Here, you don't think the whole thing was a plot to steal my washing powder do you?

A Funny Thing Happened. I Shall Tell You Later.

I wanted to tell you about an amusing incident that happened in the launderette yesterday, but I shall have to leave it for now because some photos I took on my phone to accompany the writing are still on the phone and I have no idea how to get them on here. This new smart phone is too smart for me. My friend and neighbour Steve is going to come round later and see if he can sort out the problem.

Why I am telling you this is because the people involved in the amusing incident are going to have a look at this blog today because I said I would write about it and told them where to find this blog. Now they are going to be disappointed. I am sorry Tom and Diane, but keep looking and maybe it will be here tomorrow.

I told Tom that people all over the world read this blog and he got quite excited about being famous! Perhaps I exaggerated a little bit.

I hope you are all well, and are managing to keep warm/cool wherever you are. See you soon.

The Sweet Shop.

If you lived next to a sweet shop, do you think you would eat more sweets than someone who didn't? Do you think that someone who lives several doors away from the sweet shop is more likely to buy more sweets than the person who lives just one door away?

Would someone who like sweets be more inclined to buy a house next to a sweet shop, or would they be inclined to buy a house further away, in an effort to avoid temptation?

Suppose that you like sweets very much and by chance someone built a sweet shop next door, would that make you happy, or would you move away from the area because you would worry about eating too many sweets if you stayed?

If you were very fond of sweets but there was no sweet shop in your area would you see that as a plus or a minus?

Do people who like sweets very much, tend to buy a house according to how far the nearest sweet shop is?

Would someone who rarely buys sweets become more likely to do so if a sweet shop was nearby?

Sadly shops that only sell sweets are quite rare these days. This is strange, because I am certain that most people like sweets.

But let's be positive. Let's just pretend we all have a sweet shop next door. Next time you are feeling a bit low you should pay a visit to this imaginary sweet shop and fill a white paper bag with sweets. Try it. It will make you feel very happy indeed.

Looking Back.

The header photo is of my grey fergie tractor. I took it last summer on what must have been one of the few nice days we had weatherwise. To be honest I never realised what a nice photo it is until some of you made mention of it, but yes it is a nice scene. Rural and tranquil. It was only in that position for a couple of hours. I moved it out of the tractor shed when I was preparing for my birthday party. That was a great night!

I came across the photo when I was looking for one to show Dave. Dave likes tractors. You can find his blog at  northsiderdave.blogspot.co.uk Well worth a visit.

I have been looking back at some of the party pictures. Well they are mainly preparations for the party. It was a fantastic party. I think I should do it again.

The party's over.

I have been doing some decorating today. Strange how being alone in a room for hours gets the mind thinking about things. I must admit they were not particularly happy thoughts. Mostly I was thinking about recent changes in my life. I despair sometimes at my ability to ruin relationships. What is it about me that causes me to be so bloody stubborn? Oh well, if I don't know now, I suppose I never will. I just have to live with it. Onwards and upwards as they say. Whoever they are.

Getting Back To Myself!

Thank you all so much for your get well messages. I am pleased to say that today I have felt a lot better. So much so in fact that I have no excuse for not doing some work tomorrow. My extremely handsome son George is feeling better also. I treated both of us to steak and chips today. The start to building our strength up again. Sadly Tricia is still unwell and, most unusual for her has taken to her bed these last two days. No use offering her steak because she is a vegetarian, and anyway this virus takes away your appetite.

One good thing is I appear to have lost quite a bit of weight. Not that I ever weigh myself, but looking at my naked body in the full length mirror reveals a sylph like torso more commonly associated with a young Greek god. Hold on, I just looked up sylph in the dictionary. I think it refers to the female form, so perhaps I had better not use that word. Mind you, I did, until this recent weight loss have beautiful breasts! I reckon I have lost a good few pounds in weight. I shall have to work hard to keep it off.

My new slim look has given me hope that I might have some luck with finding someone to share my strange life. I know the ladies find me hard to resist when I'm at my fattest so I suspect they are going to be going crazy to meet me now. I would like to meet someone close to my own age, and with similar interests. Also if she is wealthy that would be an added attraction. Not that I would hold it against her if she is only moderately well off financially. Apart from those requirements, to be honest I wouldn't care if she has no money, as long as she has a modest personality to match my own! Prospective candidates should contact me via this blog. Now I just hope all the responses don't crash this computer! Never give up, that is my motto. Well it is at the moment anyway.

Did I mention that I am feeling better?

Sadie And Skye

What a miserable wet day it has been. Again. I always used to be of the opinion that here in England although we had plenty of rain, it was never something that interfered with day to day life. Although occasionally events or work would be rained off, it was never much of a problem because it didn't really happen that often

Sadie and Skye.

Sadie and Skye.

This past year it seems we never get a good long run of dry weather. Last summer the strawberry fair which has been going successfully for many years was actually cancelled due to the rain. The field where the cars park was too waterlogged to be used. It might sound quite strange. You may be thinking why couldn't the cars park on the roadside. Well the event takes place in a field which is only approachable along a narrow road. There is just nowhere to park without blocking all other vehicles.


I am sure all this wet weather is having an effect on peoples moods. It certainly is on mine. There is, despite all this bad weather, an upside to this. Because when the sun does shine and the day has some warmth in it, it is such a pleasure to go for a nice walk.

My daughter Jodie and I went walking yesterday. Although I am still feeling a little unwell I am so glad Jodie persuaded me to go with her, because the sun was so nice and I am sure the warmth of it did me a power of good.

Jodie had her new Labrador puppy Skye with her, and of course Sadie the German Shepherd came along with us too.

Skye was allowed off her lead for the first time. She was so well behaved for a twelve week old pup. Jodie is doing a great job of training her. Also she didn't interfere too much with Sadie, who showed a lot of patience.

Something has gone wrong with this post. Everything is getting all jumbled up. I have tried to sort it out but I can't. Some of the writing has changed colour. What is going on? Maybe it is to match my mood?

To be honest I am sitting here feeling unwell again. Poor Tricia has now gone down with this bug too. Such a shame. We hoped she might have got away with it.

I am off to bed now. Maybe I will feel better tomorrow. The weather forecast is not good. More rain coming. What a flipping surprise!

What a miserable and disjointed post this has turned out to be. Sorry about that.

I hope the photos of Sadie and Skye make you happy.

Sadie The German Shepherd On Weight Loss.

John thinks I'm losing weight. He is feeding me double rations. Yes I get lunch too these days. Please don't be concerned about me. Honestly I am all right. Can I ask you not to tell him I'm OK? I have no objections to eating more.

Actually I am a bit worried about him. He is definitely losing weight. Mind you he hasn't been too well lately, what with this cough thing he has. He can't make up his mind whether he feels ill or not. Mind you, nothing, not even feeling below par, stops him admiring his new slim physique in the mirror. I am surprised he hasn't taken a photo to show you. Surprised but really quite grateful!

Guess what he did today. No you can't possibly. It is just too ridiculous. He went off to do some decorating work, and when he got there he said to the people, "Sorry, but I don't feel like working." So he didn't. He came straight back home. It was nice to see him. I had set myself for a long wait until he got back.

It is now four days since a proper long walk. All we do is a half hour walk to the village and back. I realise it is because he feels low, but I hope he gets better soon. Because if we don't take longer walks soon, what with all this extra food, I am going to be a big fat lump!

Following My Own Blog!

I have another follower. Actually I don't. I seem to have become a follower of my own blog. What happened was that my darling daughter Jodie decided she would be a follower. Unfortunately she tried to do it on this computer, and it thought she was me. Oh well. Never mind.

Do you think I can delete myself? I have tried to no avail. I simply cannot find a way to do it. If you know how to do it would you please let me know? Thank you.

I have just had a thought. Maybe I can increase my following by keep on joining my own blog? That wouldn't be so bad would it? Besides there are times when, even if I say it myself, it can be quite interesting. Hey I could follow myself hundreds of times. I could make this blog go viral!

Talking of viral. Is that the same as virus? My extremely handsome son George and I have got a coughing virus. It is a nasty cough and seems to be at its worse when we try to sleep. I am supposed to be working, but I am too exhausted. I think age is catching up with me. I call it a virus because George went to the doctor today and she confirmed it as such. Poor George is in his third week of it and it is making him very grumpy. Grumpiness is not something he normally suffers from. The thing about this illness is that it seems to come and go. Just when you think it has finally gone, back it comes. I suppose we just have to ride it out. It is making me grumpy too, but I am a miserable old sod anyway, so maybe nobody will notice?

Winter has returned to the south coast with a vengeance today. Snow with blizzard conditions, Normally EHS George and I would be happy to see a bit of snow, and would take to the hills with our sledges, but not this time. Neither of us can summon up the enthusiasm due to this illness.

I have noticed that Sadie the German Shepherd is looking a bit thin. Also she has taken to eating the hens food something she would not normally do. It is odd that she should be losing weight like this because we have not been walking much these last few days. I will keep a close watch on her, but there doesn't appear to be any problems. Maybe she too is getting old? Today I doubled her normal feed. She will be having lunch as well as dinner for a while to see if she gains weight. She ate both meals. There is nothing wrong with her appetite.

While I am on the subject of Sadie, I notice that the pet insurance has gone up suddenly. This policy I have for the dog and the cat seemed like a bargain when I took it out three years ago at eighteen pounds a month. Now it has, without warning increased to nearly thirty six pounds! I feel as though I am being robbed. I suppose I could change insurers, but that will not be easy now that Sadie is getting on in years. It does seem like a form of robbery, don't you think? Or is this just another example of me being grumpy?

I don't think I want this grumpy old sod following my blog. I think he has to go. Help!

Saturday.

Today started with an early morning phone call from Tricia. She needed me at the house. Our extremely handsome son George had a severe nosebleed, and Tricia cannot deal with the sight of blood, even the tiniest amount is liable to send her into a dead faint.

Of course I went immediately to see what I could do to help, but everything was under control when I arrived. EHS George was sat up in bed, a blood stained towel held to his nose and following the instructions from the first aid book.

Sitting on EHS George's bed in the company of Tricia, three cross bred terriers, and two cats, I attempted to do my reassuring presence impression. To be honest I think it was my presence alone that was needed, more than any imagined expertise. I am always pleased to be there when they need me. It is usually in times of some sad news or minor emergency, and just occasionally when something more majorly disruptive happens, which thankfully is not too often. But there are also times when some happy event draws the three of us back together too.

I love these moments of togetherness, when we feel like a normal family again, even if it is for just a short while.

Some people do remark sometimes on this relationship that Tricia and I have. They find it hard to understand. But we are still the best of friends and it seems natural enough to us to help each other when we can, and I am sure that EHS George enjoys the fact that we can all be together happily.

Being a past master at somehow managing to ruin relationships from within, it is almost certainly down to Tricia's easy going nature that something good has been salvaged from what could have so easily become just another broken relationship. Sometimes it is good to count ones blessings.

Extremely handsome son George has been suffering from a cold and the nose bleed it seems was from over vigorous blowing. He is all right now.

----------------------------------------------------

My lovely daughter Jodie came to visit again today. It is so wonderful to be back in touch. Granddaughter Maisie couldn't come as she spends weekends with her Dad. Maisie and I have texted a few times. I am pleased to say I am not to be called Granddad. She calls me DC. I do believe it stands for Daddy Cool. It may be that I chose this name, but she seems to think it suits me. What are you laughing for?

Jodie brought her new Labrador puppy with her. The pups name is Skye. She has a very impressive pedigree and comes from a long line of champion gun dogs. Not that she will be trained to the gun, as she is intended purely as a family pet. I am looking forward to many long, and happy walks with them both, and I think Sadie the German Shepherd and Skye the Labrador will become good friends. Here are some photos.

Rained Off.

Ever since the regular Thursday walks with Sadie the German Shepherd started last October it has never been rained off. How strange then that today, now that the walks have been discontinued due to the sad break up of a friendship, it should be miserably grey and raining? I suppose this is just life's way of adding to any sadness one might be feeling.

Life sucks sometimes doesn't it?

Sadie the German Shepherd feels sad too.

What A Lot Of Balls!

Hey listen, don't tell anyone but did you know that if you were able to increase the size of a billiard ball to the same size as the earth, all the mountains and valleys on it would be far bigger than any of those on earth?
Amazing, don't you think? I mean have a good look the next time you are playing billiards. Those balls are as smooth as a babies bottom. Well they may well look smooth, but they definitely are not.

Where did that expression come from? As smooth as a babies bottom? Babies bottoms are not smooth. I'm speaking from memory here but as far as I remember babies bottoms are not really smooth. Quite wrinkly in fact, especially if they have a bit of nappy rash. Mind you when a babies bottom is in good condition it can be very kissable. Only kiss your own babies bottoms though, otherwise it could be frowned upon. Not the bottom, I mean the act of kissing it. Oh blimey! Here I go again, rambling away from the point. Where was I? Oh yes, billiard ball.

Now unfortunately I have no way of proving this fact about the billiard ball, so I'm afraid you will just have to take my word for it. By the way when I say billiard ball, I am of course also referring to snooker balls, or pool balls. I put that in about pool balls for the benefit of those of you who are reading this in the USA.

Whatever you do though please do not try this analogy with a tennis ball. It would be a lot lighter but so enormous that your brain would not be able to cope, and there would be a big risk of sinking into the fluffy stuff they are covered in. Not your brain, the tennis ball. Your brain isn't covered in fluffy stuff. Although it might feel as though it is, the morning after the night before. Please whatever you do, do not imagine it with a football. There is a strong possibility that your head would explode!

What point was I trying to make here? I can't remember. Something about proving facts. Something about the truth of facts.

Oh right I remember. Do you believe that about the billiard ball? You should, because apparently it is true. Do you believe everything I write? After two years of writing this blog some of you might have some idea of my personality, some idea of who I am. Your assessment of me is possibly spot on. I have no way of knowing. I always strive to be honest - allowing for a little artistic licence of course - but some things are too personal to write about even for someone like me, who wears his heart on his sleeve always. So I don't write about them except possibly in an oblique way, where perhaps you can read between the lines.

But what you read here, is me. I just wanted to let you know that. After all, this blog is an extension of me. That is quite funny really. Because a lot of the time I just seem to ramble on in an uncontrolled way. I reckon I have got more peaks and troughs than a giant billiard ball. You will have to take my word for that.

I hope you are not as confused by what I have written today as I am.

Is This Spring?

The sun is bright in a clear blue sky, and there is warmth there too. It is far too nice to be sitting inside writing so I am going out. I hope the day is good where you are.

Here is a quick poem in lieu of a decent blog post.

A pair of Buzzards soaring high
On a thermal in the clear blue sky

Nah I can't write today. It's far too nice out there. Sadie the German Shepherd and I are off for a walk. See you later

Happier.

Good morning all. This is just going to be a quick post today because I seem to have mislaid my writing mojo.

It is almost two years now since I started this blog and in that time I have got lots of stuff off my chest and hopefully at the same time I have managed to keep you entertained. Two years is a long time and perhaps my brain needs a rest.

Also I have been preoccupied with other matters lately and this tends to distract from writing about day to day things. Hopefully though, now that I have things sorted in my somewhat befuddled mind, life will get back onto it's previous happy and even keel. Actually not just hopefully. I intend to return to those former happy days immediately.

I am feeling much more relaxed about everything all of a sudden. I shall not be giving any details as to why this is, except to say: There is no fool like an old fool!

Crikey! I feel happier just by saying those words.